Life: Altered 03.06 ~*~ Brink

            Dana was sitting across from Tonya and the woman was talking but Dana didn’t have a clue to what she was saying. She’d zoned her out about an hour before and then finally Tonya grabbed her hand. Dana felt the touch imagining it was someone else totally and she looked up to find herself very disappointed that it was Tonya touching her hand.

            “Dana, are you listening to me?” Dana snapped back to the reality at hand, and said in a soft voice, one that was very much not her own.

            “Uh huh.” Tonya glared at her, and then Dana admitted,

            “Ok, I wasn’t paying much attention to you, sorry.” Tonya sat back, crossing her arms and Dana recognized the stance immediately, the same one her mother used when she was pissed off at her.

            Great, I’m getting married to my mother. Dana thought to herself ruefully as the idea finally set in that she was really getting married, and there was going to be people there, and that she was going to spend the rest of her life with this woman.

            “Dana, we are getting married in two weeks.” Tonya began and Dana began to twist her hands together making faces at the thought of marriage. She’d been trying to do this for days, but she’d been unable too. She honestly loved Tonya in a way she’d never let herself love before. Then again she’d never been out of the closet before. She was caught between a rock and a hard place and she was in such pain over this.

            “About that….” Dana said and Tonya clapped her hands and grinning. She was so into the wedding, and Dana saw the glee in her eyes and she almost backed down.

            “Oh do you have an idea sweetie?  I really want you too enjoy this, so tell me what brainy thoughts you’ve had?” Tonya asked and Dana shook her head, she wasn’t sure how to do this, but she was going too. One way or the other, she was going too. There was no way that Alice wouldn’t support her there had to be a reason. What was that reason? Alice wasn’t wrong when it came to judging people.

            “I think we need to postpone the wedding just for a little while… I’m… Not sure about it anymore… I mean, it sounded all fine and dandy when I proposed…. Mr. P had died… And… Well… I was distraught.” Dana began, then her words began to fail her. She really didn’t wanna hurt Tonya, she wanted to gather her in her arms and hold her, make this all right, but she just couldn’t.

            “Of course you were baby, you loved Mr. Piddles, he was your baby.” Tonya said sweetly and Dana grimaced, then she licked her lips. She put her hands together in front of her, steadying herself to the task at hand.

            “Tonya, I’m just asking for a month, can we do that?” Dana begged and Tonya looked hurt, puppy dog eyes and she was about to cry. Dana held firm, she was her own woman, and she needed to start showing it.

            “I guess so.” Tonya said, defeated, she knew if she pushed the issue, that Dana would break it off with her and she couldn’t have that, now could she?

            “Thank you.” Dana said, feeling relieved and free again, for the time being.

~*~*~*~*~*

            Tina was at the pool table shooting pool with her sister and kicking her ***** because she had only one good arm. Tina was going to take anything she could, since it was usually the other way around.

            “I asked a friend of mine to join us but looks like she stood us up. You do realize this is cheating?” Emily asked hands on her hips and a grunt in her voice; and Tina rolled her eyes, sinking the 5 ball and wrinkling her nose at her sister. Their mother was at the bar, trying to pick a blonde woman that was sitting at the bar, and Tina was trying to not watch.

            “It’s not cheating, I didn’t break your arm. What does she think she is doing?” Tina asked and Emily started to laugh, their mom was a gun hoe sort of woman, and she loved to fly by the seat of her pants. She moved over and put an easy arm around her sister, she put her head on Tina‘s shoulder and said in a very amused tone of voice.

            “We were wondering how long it would take you to say something.” Emily giggled and Tina gave her a rancid look, and Emily laughed harder. She was looking at the door and she waved to someone but Tina didn’t look over, she was studying the table again. She had gotten pointed from Marina on pool playing, the woman could out play just about anyone she knew.

            “I’m going to the bathroom, can you manage without me for a few minutes?” Emily asked in the sweetest voice, and Tina slapped her ***** and they both laughed.

            “Hmm, I think I can handle it.” Tina said with sarcasm and she bent over the pool table. The 7 was in perfect position for a nice side cross shot and she lined up the cue to the ball aiming and pulled her arm back and slamming the ball into the pocket.

            Tina began to sink the balls one by one and then there was a body next to her.  Tina looked up, coming face to face with the woman from the music store. The woman looked at her, not saying a word. Tina met her eyes, oh those damn eyes, and that cleavage, damn the woman could dress to show off her better assets. Tina licked her lips, and stammered.

            “Um.. .hi…” Tina said and the woman said nothing, moving around the table, blinking with a glimmer of a smile on her lips. Tina watched her eyes again seeing the green rimmed blue eyes again, swallowing as the heat in her belly rose and made her flush. The woman, Tina presumed she was Cassandra Grey, looked at Tina.

            “A surprise, albeit wonderful, to find you here, of all places.” Cassandra said and Tina swallowed, her voice was gone, it wasn’t there at all. Gone, where had it gone? When did she get flustered like this? She never got like this, she always had a come back, then she thought to herself, think like Alice. But Alice‘s voice failed her, yet again.

            “Uh huh.” Tina said and licked her lips, looking around and seeing her mother at the bar, it seemed that she was succeeding in picking up the woman. She then looked to the bathroom, and her sister was nowhere to be seen. She was alone, and with this alluring woman who was checking her out, eyes dancing across her body with a look of lust in her eyes.

            “Looking for your date?” Cassandra asked and Tina turned to find her a breath away from her, and Tina could smell the sweet scent of a perfume. She let the smell linger, and she smiled at the feeling it brought to her.

            “No.” Tina managed to say and Cassandra waved to the table her reddish blonde hair shimmering in the dim light of the pool table’s light, reflecting the reds and the yellows of the lights. Tina watched her as she moved, and she saw the fluid movement of the woman, and she was in awe at her body, tight and lean, yet still very broad and encompassing. She shook her head and cleared her head.

            “Can you play?” She asked and Tina nodded, finding that she had forgotten how to speak, she watched the woman move some more, and her voice was somewhere else.

            She quickly grabbed the balls from the pockets and rolled them to Tina, who stared at them for a long moment. Then she grabbed the rack and began to slam the balls into place, tightening up the balls and removing the rack carefully.

            “You break.” Cassandra said, the waitress bringing her something to drink, Tina wondered if she’d ordered something. Or if she was a regular, oh god she was being hit on! She rubbed her lips and lined up the cue ball and broke the rack, nothing went in. The balls bouncing haphazardly around the table, all missing the pockets by a hair.

            “Hmm. Not much of a break, so tell me your name? Or should I guess?” Cassandra asked sexily and Tina leaned against the table, what the ***** did she have to lose. Flirting was fun, and this woman was sending out more signals than an FM station on a hard rock station.

            “Guess.” Tina said with a grin, lighting up her face as Cassandra moved around the table. She lined up a shot, and sank the 3 ball, she stayed bent over and looked up at Tina. Her voice suddenly back at the moment she decided to flirt with the tempting woman.

            “Justine? No, no. Randy? No, not that either.” She began and Tina giggled, leaning on the wall and holding the pool stick between both hands, as if praying to it.

            “Christina.” Cassandra said, and she stood straight, the flush on Tina‘s face was apparent and she stammered. The pool stick dropping to the floor, making a soft clattering sound as she was stunned to speechlessness again.

            “Umm.. Yeah.. How did you know? You’re good. Tina for short and you are Cassandra.” Tina announced and Cassandra bowed, then looked up with a wicked smile. Her eyes lighting up, and her hair falling into her face as she stood up again.

            “You took one of my cards, Cass for short, that’s what all my friends call me.” She offered up the nickname and Tina jumped at the chance to bite at that bait.

            “Am I a friend?” Tina asked, as Cassandra moved closer to her, eyeing her sexily, the heat in her eyes was overwhelming she swallowed and stared into those eyes. Tina reached up, taking the long strand of hair and tucking it behind Cass‘s ear, Cassandra licking her lips as she touched her skin, soft sweet touch of fingertips to flesh.

            “Yes she is! CASS!” Emily yelled, running up and jumping into Cassandra’s arms, and Cass hugged Emily. Tina‘s eyes narrowing and Cass didn’t break their precious eye contact as she was yanked out of Tina‘s grasp.

            “Oh I was so set up.” Tina moaned, watching them reunite. This was one of Emily‘s many friends, and Tina bit her lip wanting to conk her sister over the head with her own cast.

            “This is your friend?” Tina asked and Cassandra extended her hand, Tina took it and smiled sheepishly. Pretending they’d never met, and Cassandra’s finger tips trailed down her hand as they pulled away, then just their tips touching, and Tina had to pull away totally.

            Tina giggled, taking the pool stick away from Cassandra, and Cass winked at her. Tina tried to wink, but failed, she looked like she was wrinkling her nose instead of winking. She felt like a giddy school girl in the company of this woman, and why was that?

            “Oh that is too cute, you can’t wink!” Cass said, and Emily nodded, handing her, her beer and Cass had to smile, watching Tina intently.

            “No, she’s never been able too.” Tina‘s mother came over, content with making the woman at the bar want her. She now rejoined her daughters and said hello to Cassandra, whom she obviously knew, much to Tina‘s chagrin.

            “I can too wink!” Tina said in her defense, her mother about to fall off the chair in laughter. She saw just how flustered Tina was, and she thought it was utterly adorable. Tina paced around the pool table, glaring at each one of them separately, only Cass held her gaze.

            “No you can’t!” Their mother announced, forcing Tina to stop her shot and stand up, looking at the little crowd that was in front of her across the pool table.

            “Is this pick on Tina day?” Tina asked, her hands on her hips and Cass was stoic. She was dressed in jeans, and a black tee shirt, simple yet totally *****. Tina‘s eyes kept washing over Cass, unable to stop looking and drinking her in.

            “I thought it was ‘pick up’ Tina day.” Tina paled, then blushed fiercely.

            “It is NOT!” She hunched over, and took the shot looking up for just an instant at Cassandra, who was talking to Emily but casting side glances at Tina as if she’d never uttered that telling line.

~*~*~*~*~*

            Candace was working on the new wall in the CAC, she was sweaty, her hands and arms were covered in sawdust and she was hungry. It was well passed noon, and her stomach bulked at her continued work. She wanted to be with Bette right now, in her office, worshiping the ground that she walked on. Damn, she was falling hard for Bette Porter, and she damn well knew it.

            “I’ll be out of the office until at least 3 James.” Bette called back, and Candace watched her walking out, not even a second glance back at her. She sighed, maybe she hadn’t seen her, that was what it was.

            Candace knew that was bull *****, Bette knew damn well that she was there, she was just ignoring her. Tina was coming back tomorrow, and they’d be back to hiding in hotel rooms and in the back seat of the car, or sneaking off to Bette‘s windowless office. Candace was starting to feel like the dirty little secret, then she realized the cold harshness of reality.

            She was.

            “Candace?” Marg asked, and Candace looked down and caught the look on Marg’s face, and Candace asked almost to gruffly.

            “Yeah?” She was spacing, totally out of her element in this sort of situation. She’s never been one to play around with married women, but Bette was different in a way she’d yet to be able to put into words.

            “Break for lunch?” Marg asked and Candace nodded, getting down off the step ladder and following Marg out of the front of the CAC, wondering where Bette had gone that day.

~*~*~*~*~*

            Bette sat quietly in the office, staring at her hands as he spoke, asking her questions he’d asked before. She sighed as he asked her,

            “Who do you think you are Bette?” Dan Foxworthy asked and Bette shrugged, it was her third session with the man, and still he wasn’t helping any. How could he help, if she didn’t know what the problem was. He was a man, yet she’d come right back to him.

            “That is why I’m here Dr. Phil.” She said sarcastically, angry at him for not having given her any answers yet. She felt so lost, yet so found at the same time, she was dreading Tina‘s arrival tomorrow and she needed to sort this out, now. As soon as possible, ASA ***** P.

            “Bette, you are a black woman. You are a successful woman. You are…” He left the word hanging and she filled in the blank.

            “Guilty.” She found herself saying out loud, and then she felt the blood rushing to her cheeks. He leaned back, rubbing his beard and nodding.

            “Of what Bette?” She let the single tear spill down her cheek, not bothering to wipe it away. Emotion, god where had that been hiding, that sorrow that pain.

            “Of cheating, of breaking my vows to Tina. Falling out of love with her, that is what I’m guilty of, we are Bette and Tina for ***** Christ sake.” She lamented and stood up, she wanted to bolt for the door, but she couldn’t. It had been part of the agreement that she’d forged with Foxworthy, that she’d stay the whole session, even if they were not talking.

            “Yes, but for the moment I want you to focus on Bette Porter, tell me who she is, what she wants.” Bette took in a hard breath, breaking through some ground that she’d never touched before. How much ground had she never covered, her domineering mother and father, her biracial reality.

            “I want…. Passion. We had it once, but then it was gone, in a fleeting moment in time it was gone. I became bitter, driven in my work, much more so than at home. I stopped…” Bette then cut herself off, was what she was saying all true? Dan put his fingertips together, waiting for her to continue.

            “I stopped making her feel safe, she wasn’t my wife she was someone I took care of. The person who’d be home cooking me dinner after a long day at work, I… I stayed at work late to see if she’d get angry at me for working late. She never did damn it! Tina is much to understanding, so easy to control…” Bette‘s eyes went wide, her hand going to her mouth as she said the words, she sat back down hard on the couch.

            Don’t stop now girl, you know this is whatcha is feeling, spill it… The voice in her head prompted her, and she placed her hand in her lap, watching as it shook violently.

            “Control… She let me do what I wanted, when I wanted, no discussion it just was… So I figured, if I could do what I want, why not who I want… I am such a ***** mess…” Bette said, the pain in her face playing like a light show, from angry to hurt to guilty to awestruck at her confessions.

            “Bette. I know this is extremely hard for you, you need to tell Tina.”

            “NO!” Bette blared, shooting back up to her feet, beginning to pace the room as she shed her jacket and threw it onto the couch. She needed to be free of everything that held her down, held her in. Even her clothes were constricting her now.

            “Yes.” He reassured her, and she moaned shaking her head wildly, her hair a halo of black as she did. She rubbed her face, unable to think passed the fact that she was going to see her tomorrow, tomorrow oh god.

            “No, not yet. I, I have to figure it all out first. After Peggy‘s party at the CAC tomorrow night, after that. Then, then I’ll tell her. Yeah, then I will.” Bette said, making a solemn vow to never tell Tina anything about Candace Jewell unless the world was coming to an end, and even then she’d take the secret to her grave.

~*~*~*~*~*

            “Amazing.” Marina said, removing the CD from the small player and handing it to the woman sitting across from her. The woman smiled, and Marina nodded.

            “Thanks.” She said, her name was Colleen and she had a band that had missed the try outs for the Planet’s ‘House’ band a few weeks before.

            “But I am sorry, Ebony Dawn is booked for the next three months. After that we are going to audition more bands, perhaps add another night to the schedule. At the moment, two nights a week is just enough to wet the appetite. They are a huge draw, and I’m not yet willing to part with them, until they want to part with the Planet.” The woman shrugged, getting up and sliding the CD case back to Marina.

            “My number is in there too, in case you change your mind.” She said in a flirting manner and Marina nodded, smiling slightly. She was a stunning woman, and Marina eyed her up and down for just an instant.

            She looked up to see Jenny walking into the Planet, shuffling her feet as she moved, her head hung low and Marina was stunned at how tired she looked. She got up, moving to get her a cup of her favorite coffee.

            Marina saw her sit down, pulling out a pad of paper and began to scribble, occasionally glancing around and observing the room. Marina smiled at Ashley, one of the waitresses and walked over to the table, sitting down and sliding the jade colored coffee cup over to Jenny.

            She looked up, red rimmed eyes and looking gaunt. She moved her hand through her short hair and Marina touched her bangs, pushing them out of her gorgeous eyes.

            “Jenny are you all right?” Marina asked and Jenny nodded, she pulled a page from the book and scribbled a note to Marina. Marina felt like she was back in grade school, passing notes, she almost looked over her shoulder to make sure the teacher wasn’t looking.

            ‘I’m not suppose to talk, or interact. My professor gave me an assignment to write something that I’m not a part of.’ She turned the paper to Marina and Marina read it, trying not to giggle.

            “Oh, is that all? Jenny, that doesn’t mean that you cannot speak.” Marina said with a giggle.

            ‘I talk to much, I pull myself into each of my stories, I need to do this.’ Jenny wrote, and Marina took the pencil from her, in a perfect hand she quickly wrote.

            ‘Ok, write about that couple, the ones sitting at the sun drenched table. What are they saying, who are they?’ Marina wrote and Jenny shrug, who should she know who they were. She took the pencil back, her finger tips brushing Marina‘s fingers and she felt a wanton shiver up her spine.

            ‘How should I know who they are?’ She wrote back to the tall Amazon of a woman sitting next to her, and Marina rolled her eyes.

            ‘Not literally Jenny, a story about who they are, not factually, just what your mind comes up with.’ Marina wrote and Jenny read, smiling and pulling the pad to her, watching them intently for a few moments, then she began to write. At first slowly, then faster and faster and she didn’t even notice when Marina stood and left her side. Jenny was off into her own world again, shadow walking into the lives of someone new, someone other than herself.

~*~*~*~*~*

            Alice was waiting outside of the photo shop where Quin worked, she wasn’t going to follow her, she wanted to talk to her. At 8pm, Alice was about to give up, she’d been sitting on the bench for hours now, her ***** was beginning to hurt. She stood, about to leave, rubbing her numb butt.

            The door crept open, and a hand waved for her to go to the door, and Alice looked around, pointing to herself, and then Quin’s emotionless voice came drifting to her ears from the door.

            “Who else Peterson, has been sitting out there for 4 hours and 22 minutes?” Alice felt the blush rising to her cheeks, and she got up, walking into the shop. Seemed that Quin had been timing her, that was good, she’d been paying attention to her at least.

            Quin was at the counter, shuffling photo’s into an envelope and she didn’t look at Alice. Instead she asked in her always bland voice.

            “What do you want?” Alice blinked, not knowing exactly what the question encompassed. She looked at Quin, the ***** movements, the bored expression on her face.

            “A good cup of coffee, come conversation?” Alice asked, really hitting on her, but for some reason Quin’s talent made her sheepish and shy. She shuffled her feet, feeling like a teenager in high school again.

            “From me, what do you want from me?” Quin asked, turning and crossing her arms, staring at Alice with her dark eyes. Alice blanked at the question, and instead tried to turn the tables.