Now I’m Nothing PT 14

It’s dawn a new day.

 Carmen and I are in the back seat, still kissing. I have no t-shirt on just  my blue jeans; she is naked and sitting on my lap facing me. The fire put out a while ago. And I have to admit that it was the most intense things we have ever done. The AC is busted in the  rental so we have the front windows rolled down. The smell of the ocean, the smell of me and Carmen our sweat the leather interior it was too much. I was drowning in all these sensations. The kissing was getting deeper more frenzied, her breasts pressing against my neck like an invitation. We needed a room.

She seemed to sense my thought process, whispering something intelligible in Spanish in my ear.

“We should go.”

“Yeah it’s late I have a bunch of meetings today.”

“What day is anyway?”

“I think its Wednesday.”

“Carmen, I. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for all the wasted time. I want to tell you that you’re my sweet everything. And I want to tell you that I love you.”

She tenses up. And wipes her eyes. I’ve made her cry; she moves to grab her clothes and climbs out of the car to get dressed outside.

I grab my t-shirt and put it on. I grab my smokes from the dash and use the lighter in the car to light it. I join her outside. You can the purple swirling clouds behind her.

“Why Shane, why do you have to do that?”

“Do what, tell you how I feel, how I feel about you. Isn’t that what you want?”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“You sure as fuck fooled me. I thought you wanted this, us?”

“I am not sure there is an us.”

I grab her arm and pull her toward me. This is all so fucking familiar. I flick my cigarette away and I hold her chin so that she looks me in the eyes.

“Look me in the eyes. Tell me you don’t love me then. Tell me like all the others, tell me how I am incapable of love, tell me how much I hurt you and how you cant forgive me. Go ahead. Tell me.”