The line begins to blur PT 6

CH 10

“I’d like to say it’s wrong….we’ve known it all along….

What now I wonder?

We are lying on Dana’s floor in her beach house, Carmen rolled of me and we lay there face to face. It hurts when I look at her. Does she feel it? Her chin, her eyes, her nose, I loved this woman but who was she? All those things I wanted to ask, I was no better and maybe I was judging her lies for all the wrong reasons, after all she didn’t know anymore about me than I did her. All we knew about each other was that we could not stop fucking. It was insane.

I didn’t know what I was gonna do about Mark. I didn’t know where this sudden interest in dethroning Curt came from. I needed to get away but I knew I would probably never come back. Was it a good thing to run from it all…………? No running is not an option, too many people would be bloodied, better to stand and fight then run and hide.

“Shane? Carmen asked. “I really am sorry……..” She kisses me on my chin where I got slashed, “You know it might scar and it might make you even sexier….if that was possible.”

I sit up and pull my jeans up. I look around for my Camel’s and walk out of the room. I was hungry. A few minutes later and fully clothed she appeared in the kitchen, I guess she was hungry too.

“We can’t go on like this.” I tell her. “You have my heart, and my soul. I feel like a maniac when I am around you. All I want is the truth no matter how hard it is. I can do anything for you, I can race till the end of the world and find you and save you, but you have to tell me the fucking truth. …….. I love you ….it’s not too much to ask……”

“Your right, it’s not too much to ask…….so here’s the truth….I watched you for a long time….. saw some of your races…everything about you………..god I wanted to talk you so many times….in so many places. I don’t know how this got so out of control? It’s like being really fucked up at a party…in your mind you feel in control, your saying to yourself I know what I’m doing….I have everything under control. Then you get drunker, and dumber….and before you know it….everything around you is blurred and it’s too loud and you feel sick, really sick….. In the bathroom it was like that ….I felt so out of control with you. Like we where crashing in a car or something, and then I felt you inside me and I never wanted you to leave me. I don’t know Shane. We are all a stage right? And we all have to play our part. How would you have felt had I said to you in the bathroom, hey your boy Mark is gonna fuck over your entire outfit and he and the guy who is your rival and my boyfriend basically hired me to distract you, what then? What would you have done? Would you have taken my word for it? No probably not. You probably would have killed me on the spot!”