I love it down here at this time of day, a few hours before sunset. There’s never anyone here, well besides me. I look out over the ocean just watching the crashing waves. I don’t really think I would mind if there were other people around, not like anyone could see me from down there. My mind wonders to you again. That seems to be all I do now, think of you that is. I know it’s not fair to her but I can’t help it. No matter what I do I’m always thinking of you, well when I’m not with her anyways. I feel your presence and I know you’re here with me. I feel you slip your arms around my waist and nestle your neck into my shoulder. I release a slight moan as you’re breathe hits my neck. We sit like this for awhile. I feel safe again in your embrace, the only time I feel safe anymore is when I’m in her arms. I know this cant last but I want it to and at the same time I don’t. As we sit in complete silence my mind is flooded with memories of us. Times when we were happy, nothing could touch us. I giggle a little as I remember the first time we met; you got so mad when I suggested that you might have been in love with your councilor. You were just so…..so cute. My heart knew that day that I would always love you, even if I didn’t know it yet. You tighten your grip on me as I lean into you a little more. My mind is still busy with memories when I feel you shift a little. I open my eyes and look back at you. You smile at me and I slowly turn my head, I can’t bear to look into your eyes, eyes that can see into my soul. I know if I look you in the eyes you’ll know and I’m not ready for that yet. But you being able to read me like a book, you know I’m not okay. And I know you know.

“What’s wrong?” you ask with concern flowing threw your words. I’m not ready for this; I can’t do it yet, not now. I feel you staring at me and I hang my head in defeat. You are waiting for an answer that I don’t want to give.