SHANE – “Alice, Bette doesn’t owe you or me or anyone anything. And giving her that line about her destroying your little world, if for nothing else just to remind her of what she did to Tina back then…well, it’s her life and you can’t be freaking out on her for trying to find happiness. Is she stubborn? Okay yes. Do I think there’s still something special there between her and Tina that I don’t think should be thrown away? Hell yes. But Alice, ultimately it’s their business. You know what I’m saying?”

ALICE- (She sneezes…) “Yeah. I know.” (Shane hands her a tissue.) “Thanks Shane. I felt like I was standing outside my body and watching me lecture her. I was very funny…very entertaining actually.”

SHANE- “I can only imagine.”

ALICE- “But Shane, you’ve seen how things have been these past weeks…we’ve all seen it…”

SHANE- “You should know by now, especially after all the years you’ve known those two, love just isn’t enough. Cliché but so true. They could go to the ends of the earth in separate directions and never see each other again, but that something special will always be there. BUT it might not change the fact that it might just be better for all concerned for them to go their separate ways. Of course, they won’t ever be out of each other’s lives completely…because of Angelica. They’re pretty much stuck with each other, but they’ve got to learn to navigate that, whether they share the same bed or just the same daughter. My heart’s been broken a few times with those two, but what can I do. Anyway, let’s see how things go. You gotta get a grip my friend…we’ve got a lifetime of Bette and Tina to watch unfold…pace yourself.”

ALICE- “So Yoda…how’s the sexy lady friend…Samantha?”

SHANE- (She looks at her…) “Okay…I need a drink…”

ALICE- “Should I change the subject?”

SHANE- “You know you’re really annoying sometimes. All right, come on…you’re wet. We’ll get you something in the back to put on until your stuff dries.” (They go off.)


(Bette stands with Jodie in her living room.)

JODIE- (Signing throughout all her dialogue. She stands face to face with her most recent lover.) “I told you I can’t do this.”

BETTE- “I can’t either but you’re not giving me much of a choice.” (She touches Jodie’s face.) “I need you. Finding you was the best thing that’s happened to me since Angelica. I found myself again when I found you.”

JODIE- “No Bette, you found your way back to life in general. I’m glad to have been a part of that. It makes me happy to see you with the fire and passion I know you’ve always had. But it’s a long way from that to really finding yourself and life again.”

BETTE- “How can you say that?”

JODIE- “These past several weeks…well, how can you even ask that?”

BETTE- “It’s complicated. So what. They will always be a part of my life…no matter who holds my heart and shares my bed.”

JODIE- “There’s only one person Bette who truly holds your heart and who can really ever share that bed…and you and I both know it’s not me.”

BETTE- “Jodie please…” (She backs away. Bette follows and turns her by her arm.) “I love you.”

JODIE- (Let out a laugh…) “Bette…come on. You had it right the first time, when I opened the door a few moments ago…you happen to ‘need’ me right now. And while you may feel some sort of love for me, it’s not the kind I’m looking for. Please don’t insult my intelligence.” (Bette moves closer and tries to kiss her. After a quick grasp of her lips, Jodie, albeit reluctantly, backs away.) “Please…just go.”

BETTE- “NO…I will not just go. I won’t lose you. I’m not going to let what we have fall apart. It’s not going to happen…I won’t allow it…”

JODIE- “Won’t allow it? Bette, I think you’re missing the point.”

BETTE- “Please…” (She walks up to her and grasps her by the arms…) “Please let me in…please Jodi…let me love you.” (Bette grasps her face and then her lips, passionately though tenderly. Jodi can’t help but reciprocate. Bette’s ‘need’ seems to intensify as she prolongs the kiss and entangles Jodi in her arms, moving her towards a large couch and guiding her, through kisses and touches, to its comfortable edge. Bette is emboldened by the incremental steps permitted her, and she starts to infiltrate Jodi’s clothing…fighting passionately to touch her, yet almost frantically. Bette grasps the beauty of Jodi’s upper body and guides her down to the couch…fighting to defeat the invisible barriers with the sheer force of just her desire. Jodie is fending her off a bit as she simultaneously combats that part of herself that longs to be with Bette. Her moans escape her as she feels Bette’s hands trace every part of her. Suddenly, Jodie’s more reluctant self is emboldened and she turns her face away from Bette’s kisses. And though Bette is on a fast track to self-gratification or escape, she is not indifferent…she stops and her forehead rests to the side of Jodie’s head. After a moment, Jodie hears the voice of a troubled heart…) “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…” (Jodie grasps Bette and strokes the back of her head.) “You’ve come to mean so much to me. I really don’t want to lose you. I just wanted to show you how much I…I…” (…Bette isn’t sure how that thought truly concludes.)

JODIE- “I know…shhh…it’s ok…it’s ok Bette…it’s ok.” (They stay there for a few minutes as Jodies strokes Bette’s head, hoping she’s offering some comfort to an inconsolable heart. She gently lifts Bette up after a while and sits next to her.) “You’ve been wonderful. It’s been wonderful to be with you. But the rest…well, it’s time to choose and I’ll not have you make the wrong decision…I will not be someone’s wrong decision, no matter how much I long for it.”

BETTE- “I really… things are so good with you. Things have been great with us. I was thinking that we could make it work. Suddenly it’s like I pushed the wrong button or pulled the wrong cord and the whole structure of our relationship is falling apart and coming down on me…and I don’t seem to have any control over it.”

JODIE- “Control? Bette…it’s not so much pushing the wrong button or wrong cord as it is having been working on the wrong structure entirely. It’s not working…not for me, and ultimately I know it’s not working, somewhere deep down in that soul of yours, for you either.”

BETTE- (Bette looked at her and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.) “You’re not my compromise or my last resort or my second choice. You stand alone. I never saw you otherwise.”

JODIE- “I know. I’m sure you had many opportunities to have all sorts of relationships, whether as comfort, substitute, one-night stand, or ‘otherwise’. I know I’m not a rebound. But I’m not the ‘one’ either…am I?” (Bette looks away, down, then ahead.) “You know that friend of yours Shane…she’s just following her heart, it’s not fear of commitment…it’s a loud heart…it won’t let her commit until she’s found what it’s looking for. Or I have no clue and she’s just a hopeless Casanova…but that’s beside the point…”

BETTE- “Casanova? Hmmm. Can I let her know you said that?”

JODIE- “She’s quite a spirit that Shane.”

BETTE- “I once told her I admired her Casanova ways…not in so many words…but there’s certainly a good side to it.”

JODIE- “Oh now…before you settled down I’m sure you were pretty ‘active’.” (They both chuckle, chat a bit about Shane, and sit for a while.) “Listen, I’m tired. We’ve both had a long day. Let’s sleep on it, face a new day tomorrow and take some time…friendship will have to do in the interim, ok?” (Bette nods. She slowly rises. Jodie kisses her on the cheek. Bette can’t speak but she touches Jodie’s face briefly, smiles as her eyes water, and leaves. Bette arrives home, worn out, and hit the pillow like a ton of bricks. Clarity, she hoped, would come in the morning. Instead, it brought what felt and seemed like anger…)

(Later the next morning Helena was working away, trying to bury herself in her work and avoid issues with her personal life. She had been a little anxious lately…a little frustrated. The door to her office suddenly opened. Her secretary apologized for the unexpected arrival.)

GERTRUDE- “Ms. Peabody I’m sorry she wouldn’t wait.”

HELENA- (Looking up at both of them and standing…) “It’s all right. I’ll take it from here.” (Gertrude gives the uninvited visitor a disapproving look and leaves.) “Well, good morning. What an unexpected pleasure. Everything all right…you look a little ominous…”

BETTE- “Where is she?”

HELENA- “Okay Bette have a seat.”

BETTE- “No, just tell me where I can find her.”

HELENA- “Bette you know I can’t do that. And let’s get a grip shall we? I don’t know why you’re so upset. What’s the problem?”

BETTE- “I didn’t know she was going to San Francisco.”

HELENA- “And…what? I don’t understand. Seems to me that’s something you can talk to her about when she gets back.”

BETTE- “Helena…I know she plans to move there…”

HELENA- “Well that’s her business really is it not?”

BETTE- “Without telling me? Taking Angelica?”

HELENA- “Oh now easy there Ms. Porter, I don’t think Tina has the monopoly on such dramatic moves…”

BETTE- “You know…”

HELENA- “NO…let me finish…not that this is any of your business, but so what if she moves there? I’m sure she fully intends to have Angelica down here with you as much as before. She did tell you about this trip, did she not?”

BETTE- “Yes but…”

HELENA- “Well then perhaps you should give her the benefit of the doubt…”

BETTE- “Helena…she didn’t tell me it was San Francisco and she certainly didn’t tell me she plans to move there.”

HELENA- “She didn’t tell you she was considering job possibilities and that regardless of what she decided your time with Angelica would not be compromised, as per the custody arrangement…which by the way provides that either of you can move if the custody remains status quo?”

BETTE- “Yes but…”

HELENA- “But what?”

BETTE- “She didn’t tell me about this particular opportunity and that it’s all but done.”

HELENA- “So what? It seems to me that what she’s doing doesn’t affect or concern you at all really…the ‘status quo’ is barely touched.”

BETTE- “Doesn’t affect or concern me!???”

HELENA- “Look…this is her business and I’m not sure why you’re so hot and bothered. It’s her life. As long as she’s not compromising your custody arrangements concerning Angelica I don’t see what the problem is or what all the fuss is about.”

BETTE- (She walks towards Peabody Jr.) “Helena I need to talk to her. Tell me where she’s staying.” (Helena steps back a bit.)

HELENA- “I can’t, you know that. It’s a matter of privacy. Bette please…she’d kill me.”

BETTE- (Stepping a bit closer to Helena…) “Well then, you get to pick your executioner…it’s either her or me…”

HELENA- “I won’t be bullied Bette…” (Bette moves a bit closer and Helena accidentally drops a huge, lopsided paper weight from her desk that falls on her foot…) “Ooowwwch…Damn it…” (Now she’s angry…) “Look, I don’t know what your problem is but I’ll not have this…any of this…I can’t tell you where she is. What’s wrong with you anyway…your senses taken leave of you? What are you going to do Bette? Stalk her? Oye my foot hurts!”

BETTE- “You alright?”

HELENA- “NO…and sit down already…” (Bette complies and Helena sits behind her desk while continuing to rub her foot.) “Blasted paper weight…it weighs a bloody ton…I thought it was only a show piece for crying out loud. My foot’s deformed! “

BETTE- (Looking at her curiously…) “Helena, please. I need to go and see her. I don’t think she’s doing the right thing.”

HELENA- “Well neither do I but you don’t see me going all Charles Bronson and chasing after her. Honestly! Bette, all this time what have you been doing? All this time what on earth have the two of you been doing? And now…now that she’s taken a step of this sort you decide that suddenly you NEED to see her? I think you’re both very dysfunctional, almost as bad as I…and poor Alice, my God, I think she’s losing it again. Besides Bette, perhaps this is really for the best and how the rest of your lives together will be. Angelica will benefit by living in part in San Francisco…beautiful city that it is, and still be a very active part of your life. Tina will have access to most everything she needs in her new position, so it’s all good as they say.”

BETTE- (Looking indignant…) “You think I should just let her go?”

HELENA- (She looks annoyed…) “Ok…let me get this straight…you mean to tell me that when she had her renewed affliction with the male of our species and you kicked her out THAT wasn’t you letting her go? When she moved on with this bland little Henry fellow, that wasn’t her letting you go? When you and Jodie began a relationship and continued it all this time…you didn’t let her go? Let her go? Bette, that train left the station long ago. Right? Bette…look at what’s happened…the past long while you’ve been apart. You’ve become friends…in a way…and cooperative and good parents to Angelica. You both have relationships…Bette, from one Alpha female to another…you’ve been with Jodie all these months…you been making love to her all this time…Tina has been enjoying intimacy with another…all this time…what exactly are you trying to achieve today? What part of these signs tell you that you NEED to see her suddenly and that you NEED to talk to her? For what? The Bette and Tina train my dear has left the station, you stubborn women…both of you…could drive me mad the two of you…and now you’re suddenly ‘knickers in a twist’ about it…honestly… ”

BETTE- “Are you finished?”

HELENA- “Quite.”

BETTE- “I meant do you think I should just let her go given the impact this has on Angelica’s daily life? I love San Francisco, but it’s not really a decision she should be making without consulting me.”

HELENA- “OH…ohhhh…yes…well…ahem…” (Bette looks at her and smirks…) “…well…the custody agreement, at least the way you two had it done, doesn’t oblige her to do so…but you already know that.”

BETTE- “I don’t care what it says…just based on principle she should have consulted me.”

HELENA- “Well that’s a different issue altogether and really leads us to my original conundrum…”

BETTE- “Which is?”

HELENA- “What the fuck are you doing?”

BETTE- (Looking a bit confused…) “I don’t know…I just don’t know anymore.”

HELENA- “Maybe you should examine things and when she gets back have a civilized discussion with her. You two will always care for one another regardless of who is in your respective beds, and you’ll always share Angelica. Use that as your frame of reference and build on it. The rest of your life Bette may depend on it. In any case, how did you know she went to San Francisco?”

BETTE- “Alice.”

HELENA- “Bette, clear your head, get some coffee, and perhaps pay Alice a visit…”

BETTE- “She paid me one last night.”

HELENA- “Did she hit you?”

BETTE- “What???? No.”

HELENA- “She was fit to be tied yesterday. First she let loose on Tina, then had a go with me…I think she’s having a rough time. Perhaps the anniversary of Dana’s death is not so far from her thoughts.”

BETTE- “I miss her.”

HELENA- “Mmm. Me too. I got to know her better and then she was gone. Bette, life’s a bitch and then you die.”

BETTE- “That’s a little less optimistic than I usually find you.”

HELENA- “Bad mood I guess.” (They both chuckle. After a few moments…)

BETTE- “I guess I’ll be going.” (She gets up and turns to leave.)

HELENA- “Bette…” (Bette turns to look at her…) “I really don’t care what you meant earlier… what’s happening isn’t right somehow, and it has nothing to do with Angelica.” (Bette looks at her for a moment, smiles mildly, and leaves. Helena picks up the phone and dials a number as she faces the back wall of her office.) “Hi, ya…it’s me. She just left here. No…she’s all hot and bothered, because purportedly this affects Angelica and she should have been consulted. I didn’t give her the information. I suspect she may be paying you a visit. Just take it easy, all right? Remember…calm…stay calm. Bye.” (She hangs up and comments to herself…) “There we go screwing with the fates, fucking with destiny…what a tangled web we weave….”

PEGGY- “When first we act to deceive…Helena, what are you up to? I don’t like hearing you trying to quote Macbeth…it positively frightens me to hear it emerging from your lips. What are you scheming? I saw Bette leaving…what’s going on?”

HELENA- “I was very dignified, mother. I didn’t…”

PEGGY- “Helena…”

HELENA- “She wanted to know where to reach Tina. I didn’t give her the information. She’s likely going to extract it from Alice.”

PEGGY- “She’s been tasting the fruit of another tree all this time and now suddenly she’s gotten on her high horse again for her former lover?”

HELENA- “Well, for Angelica’s sake…she’s bothered about not being consulted she says.”

PEGGY- “Tina really should have consulted her about that. It’s not that far but it’s still a world away. Anyway…bullshit…this is no more about Angelica, at least not really, than it is about San Francisco, or the price of weed in Burbank….”

HELENA- (She does a double take at the choice of Peggy’s words…) “Yes…well, all this much ado about nothing…maybe we all just need to get on with it, like you were saying. I don’t know.” (She limps back to her desk.)

PEGGY- “Helena dear, why are you limping?”

HELENA- “Damned new office decor…”

PEGGY- “The décor?”

HELENA- “That friggin thing is a rock…”

PEGGY- “What?”

HELENA- “Damned near deformed my foot…”

PEGGY- “Your foot? Helena dear, how are things with Amelia?”

HELENA- “She hasn’t let me taste the fruit of her tree, so to speak, in two weeks…”

PEGGY- “A bit frustrated are we?”

HELENA- “I really don’t understand women sometimes, you know?”

PEGGY- (She’s smiling and chuckles…) “Helena you’re a lesbian, it’s all about women…”

HELENA- “Oh you know what I mean mother…” (She’s rubbing her foot.)

PEGGY- “My dear daughter, I left that hope behind me when you first venture back to LA…I need a universal translator to keep up you and your friends. No common sense at all. Just drama. Now what on earth is wrong with your foot?”

HELENA- “Something fell on it. This damned paperweight…it weighs a bloody ton!”

PEGGY- (She looks at Helena and the ‘paperweight’ and half chuckles half shakes her head…) “I think I better go call Amelia. Maybe she takes bribes. Honey that’s not a paperweight, it’s a piece of the molding that fell off the ceiling during the renovating. What the hell is it doing on your desk?”

HELENA- “WHAT? But I saw it on the desk out front and…”

PEGGY- “Helena…be a dear…get back together with Amelia. Did you not see the workmen out front?”

HELENA- “But it was on Gertrude’s desk and I…”

PEGGY- “Helena…you need help…really…all those years of education and you can’t tell the difference between art and the common construction fragment…where did I go wrong?”

HELENA- “But…it was on her desk…sitting there like a new piece of the office décor we’ve been getting in lately and…”

PEGGY- “I best get back to work. You best get some coffee…and call your friend. Honestly Helena, you’re surrounded by fine art…”

HELENA- (Rubbing her foot…) “Bloody rock…I’ve been maimed for shit sakes and you’re making fun of my art skills. It looks artistic…nouveau something or other…how was I supposed to know…”

PEGGY- (She chuckles…) “It’s sheer size and jagged edges, not to mention the construction crew, may have given it away! Oh dear, where did I go wrong? Goodbye Helena…see you later.” (She shakes her head and leaves.)

HELENA- “But she had papers under it on her desk…it looks like the new book ends too…”

PEGGY- “Goodbye child…”

HELENA- (To herself as she rubs her foot and looks at the weighty fragment…) “Well it LOOKS artsy…damned…friggin women…fine, Amelia won’t see me…well, I’ll just have to find another tree…see how she likes that! Ha!”

ALICE- (Opens the door to find Bette standing there with a sullen look.) “Hi.”

BETTE- “Can I come in?” (Alice lets her in.) “Listen, Alice…”

ALICE- “NO no…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to have a hissy fit and lecture you about…well…common sense and better judgment and such things…but still, it’s not my place to throw a fit like that. It’s just upsetting…you know?”

BETTE- “Yes, I know.”

ALICE- “You could lose her forever, and then where will you be?”

BETTE- “Well, potentially, with another loving person.”

ALICE- (She grunts in frustration.) “Okaaaay…that was rhetorical.”

BETTE- “Right, uh huh.”

ALICE- “Bette wait…think about it…what if Tina died or moved to Fiji or something, never to be seen again, and let’s not consider Angelica in the equation…what then? Can you even process that possibility?”

BETTE- “Al, I really don’t want to get into hypotheticals right now. I want you to tell me where she is. Where is she staying in San Francisco?”

ALICE- “Really?!!!!”

BETTE- “Al…I don’t think that making such a huge change in Angelica’s life is appropriate without consulting me.”

ALICE- “But it won’t affect…”

BETTE- “I know…the custody arrangements…I don’t care. She still should have talked to me about it.”

ALICE- “But…well…she did. She told you she might consider a job move to another city and …”

BETTE- “How do YOU know that?”

ALICE- “Ah ha! So she did!”

BETTE- “Alice…she didn’t say San Francisco…”

ALICE- “And what? You expected she’d move to an LA suburb or San Antonio or something?”

BETTE- “Alice, where is she staying?”

ALICE- “Bette, I don’t see why you can’t wait for her to get back. If you had caught her before she left maybe…but now…you may as well wait.”

BETTE- “Yesterday you were begging me to act, now you’re telling me to wait.”

ALICE- “Yesterday I thought you’d stop her from leaving, now I’m seeing you’re even worse off than I thought.”

BETTE- “What?”

ALICE- “Oh…whatever…what do I care? None of my business. Here…here’s the contact information. She’s going to kill me, you realize that don’t you?”

BETTE- “Yeah well, sucks to be you…”

ALICE- (She frowns…) “Gee thanks!” (Bette winks at her.) “Oh sure, this is all funny to you huh?”

BETTE- (Bette shakes her head and starts to leave.) “Please Alice…I’m sure I’m doing exactly what you hoped I’d do, though for entirely different reasons I assure you.” (Bette stops and walks up to Alice. She touches her face.) “How are YOU doing? Everything ok?” (Alice nods.) “I know it’s difficult sometimes…and I’m not taking anything for granted…I know what you mean when you ask about permanent loss. I just want to do things for the right reason and I don’t want to waste any time, precisely because life is so short and precious. I need to move on with my life.” (She kisses Alice on the cheek.) “I’ll see you when I get back.” (She turns to leave.)

ALICE- “B…call me if need to…okay?” (Bette nods and leaves.)