Chapter 34

            Once Angelica was sleeping peacefully they retired to the small garden in the back of Tina’s town house.  They sat quietly as they adjusted to the darkness, the baby monitor nearby. 

            “So have you handled your business?”  Tina asked innocently.

            “Tina.”  Bette replied in a warning tone, accompanied by a sharp look.  “I really don’t think you want to go there.”

            “I do want to go there.  I want to go wherever we need to in order to fix this mess we are in.”  Tina replied seriously. 

            “My business, if you are referring to Rosanna, is not responsible for the “mess” as you put it, of our relationship.”

            “It’s not helping, but you are right.  We you and I are responsible for the mess that our relationship is in.”

            “Other than being parents to Angelica I was under the impression that we no longer have a relationship.”

            “Angelica is a product of our relationship.  She represents our dreams come to life, Bette.  They are dreams I want to live not just dream.”

            “That’s what you said the last time.  For how long Tina do you want to live this dream?  Six months, a year?  I don’t see that anything has changed.  Actually I’ve seen us hurt each other more over the last year not less.”

            “We have to stop that… the hurting each other. We can fix this.” Tina declared, the time where Bette uttered the same words echoing in the night.

            “Can we?”  Bette asked thoughtfully.  “I would love it if we could fix this.  I want to live our dreams too, for Angie and for us.  I love you Tina.  I know that I will always love you.  I’m afraid…”

            “What are you afraid of babe?” Tina was beginning to see that Bette had changed.  She was no longer as guarded as she once was with her feelings.  Tina was surprised.  She realized that she no longer knew Bette the way she once did.

            “I’m afraid that love is not enough.  I’m afraid that we, and I mean we, have damaged our love too much.”

            Tina quietly reflected on Bette’s words.  “So are you saying that you are not even willing to try?”  Hazel eyes met ebony. 

            “I’m not saying that.  What I am saying is that we really need to talk and think this through.” 

            Again Tina was surprised.  Bette usually led with her heart not her head. If anything she was usually the more controlled of the duo.  She found that she liked this new Bette.  “So let’s talk.” 

            "Let’s talk." Taking a deep breath the brunette said  “I’ll start” Bette began, “I think it started when we decided to have a family.  It seems we talked about it but we maybe were not listening closely enough to one another.  Can I say that I really don’t like Dan Foxworthy and I really don’t like therapy?”

            Tina laughed, this was not news.  “Yes Bette you can say that.  Why, did you go back to see him?”

            “Probably because every now and then he hit the right spot and I learned something.  We were not ready to start a family and I didn’t want to accept that, neither of us did.”

            “Of course we were ready.”  Tina objected. 

            “No T we were not.  If we were, a black man being the donor wouldn’t have thrown us for a loop.  You were upset that I didn’t tell you Marcus is black and I was upset that you didn’t want a “biracial” child.”

            “I didn’t say that and we did use his sperm twice, I might remind you.”

            “Yeah that’s true but your statement then was that you didn’t feel that you were equipped to raise a biracial child and that it was too much otherness for a child to bear, with two Moms on top.  Looking back it was then that I realized that you did not trust me as a co-parent.  I never got over that. It was then that I started to wonder if I was falling out of love with you.”