Chapter 25

Angelica sat in the backseat of Tina’s car as she maneuvered through the streets leading to their house. The music was softly playing, not that the song registered with Angelica, who simply stared at her feet feeling nauseous. There was one sound, however, that continued to register with Angelica. It was Bette flipping her cell phone open and snapping it shut as she watched the scenery pass her by on the familiar route home. It was a mindless act, but one that Angelica knew signaled her mother struggling with her thoughts.

Angelica repeated one simple sentence in her head, adopting it as her mantra moments after the words left her Aunt Alice’s mouth.

“You’re lucky this didn’t blow up in your face, accept what’s given to you as a punishment gracefully, it’s done out of love.”

Angelica blinked back tears as her mind flashed back to the fear and anger she saw in Bette’s eyes once they made eye contact. She hadn’t bothered to look at Tina, knowing she would find the same, but rather fell into her mother’s comforting arms aware of the danger she was in.

Tina slowly pulled the car into the driveway and the Kennard-Porter family slowly got out of the car, exhausted from the emotional night. Angelica grabbed her clutch purse and began to walk into the house. She had managed to get in front of Bette, who still hadn’t said much, so she stood facing the front door waiting for Bette to unlock it as she approached from behind.

“It’s unlocked,” Tina said stepping forward and walking into the house. Tina silently cursed herself for not remembering to lock their house in the scramble to help Angelica.

Tina threw her keys on the table near the front door, slipped her shoes off, and settled on the couch rubbing her temples to attempt to relax her aching head. Angelica stepped inside, her heels meeting the hardwood floor, and stood in the hallway waiting for direction from her mothers.

“Are those my Jimmy Choo heels?” Bette demanded as she realized Angelica was inches taller than normal.

“Yes,” Angelica admitted, repeating her mantra and knowing complete honesty was needed in this conversation. “I’m sorry.”

“What else do you have of mine besides a $350 pair of my shoes with a 4 inch heel?” Bette’s voice was laced with anger.

“Your garment bag, but it’s at Cathy’s house.”

“Perfect,” Bette scoffed and walked past Angelica into the kitchen under the guise of getting a bottle of water, but truly needing to place distance between her and her daughter as she felt her anger rise.

Bette opened the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water, twisting the cap off, and sipping from the bottle as she took deep, cleansing breaths before returning to the couch and sitting next to Tina. She held up her bottle of water in a gesture to offer some to Tina, who simply shook her head and stared at the empty space before her in silence.

“Go change and get back out here when you’re done,” Bette ordered Angelica. “We have a lot to discuss, obviously.”

As Angelica walked slowly down the hallway she heard Bette’s voice ring out behind her.

“Make sure you put those shoes back in the box they were in and put them away where you got them!”

Angelica continued to make out various words as Bette babbled about her complete disrespect for Bette’s privacy by rifling through her closet. Tina stared blankly at Bette, not hearing what she was saying, until Bette arched her brow in question and tilted her head to the side as she spoke.

“No thoughts?”

“I’m sorry,” Tina said. “Thoughts on what?”

“Her punishment,” Bette said exasperated.

“She hasn’t fulfilled her other one yet, no matter what we do it doesn’t seem to make an impact.”

“I’ll tell you one thing,” Bette stormed into the kitchen as she rifled through a small toolbox kept under the kitchen sink. “That door is coming off in about 5 minutes after she’s done changing.”

“You’re taking her door off?”

“Privacy is earned in this house,” Bette said bluntly. “It’s not a right, it’s a privilege, and one that she hasn’t earned with the stunt she pulled tonight.”

Tina slumped back into the comfort of the couch as she waited for Angelica to appear for her punishment.

“That’s all we have? We’re taking her door off the hinge?”

“For starters,” Bette shot back as she held a hammer and screwdriver in her hand. “When I think of what could have happened….”

Tina rubbed Bette’s leg to try to comfort her, as Bette’s thoughts drifted back to the scene at the hotel. Bette could still smell the aroma of cheap wine that had permeated through the hotel room. Her fist clenched in rage as it had when she crushed the unused condom in her hand only an hour ago.

“We obviously need to have a frank discussion with her about sex,” Tina said offhandedly.

“She’s 14 Tina!”

“And in a hotel with a much older boy,” Tina reasoned. “Clearly the movie at school wasn’t enough of a discussion for her at this age.”

“What movie?” Bette asked. “What are you talking about?”

“The movie that I signed a permission slip for,” Tina explained. “It was to watch a sex movie appropriate for her age and attend a follow-up discussion with the physical education instructor.”

“You’ve got to be joking,” Bette scoffed. “I knew nothing about this because I certainly wouldn’t have allowed it. She doesn’t need some physical education teacher reducing sex to tab A goes in slot B.”

“Well clearly tonight she found out sex is a lot more than that,” Tina fought the urge to smile at Bette’s rant before continuing. “We need to talk to her about the emotion and the dangers.”

“We should have had that talk with her.”

“Well we will be the minute she gets back out here,” Tina said as she got comfortable on the couch. “Along with you explaining why she’ll have no door on her room for a while and what the rest of her punishment is.”

“Which is?” Bette questioned.

“You tell me.”

“I came up with the door,” Bette stated. “Pretend to contribute something and come up with one.”

Tina laughed at the teasing gleam that crossed Bette’s eyes as she allowed a grin to widen on her face. The lighter moment was interrupted as Angelica, dressed in her pajamas, sat opposite them staring down at the floor and her feet.

“Look at me,” Bette said in a calm voice as she waited for Angie’s eyes to meet her own.

Angelica forced herself to look into Bette’s eyes and felt her own immediately begin to tear up. Although the sight before her touched Bette deeply, she understood the need to remain strict and unwavering in her punishment.

“Your door is gone,” Bette informed her. “In this house you earn your privacy, it’s a privilege not a right.”

Bette was mildly shocked that Angelica simply nodded instead of whining and projecting blame elsewhere, which was her typical behavior.

“Do you want to start with what happened tonight?” Bette challenged Angelica.

Angelica remained silent, tears streaming down her face, but mustered the courage to shake her head no.

“Let me rephrase. What happened tonight?” Bette said abruptly.

“I snuck out,” Angelica said quietly. “To go to the dance.”

“I think we better start at the beginning, this is the boy that asked you to the dance right?”

Angelica nodded as her eyes were focused on the floor in front of her.

“The same boy we told you was too old for you and expressed our concerns of what potentially could happen given the age difference, is this right?”

Angelica nodded once more wiping a steady stream of tears away from her cheeks.

“And of course then there was Tracy,” Bette continued to push Angelica to her emotional limit. “The same girl we told you was trouble and forbade you to be with after you came home drunk and sick from a party at her house. I know she was there tonight since we saw her getting dragged off by the police. I encouraged her to accept her punishment and be led to the police station without a fight.”

Angelica sniffled and Tina looked away, her own emotions close to the edge watching their daughter accept her punishment with shame and remorse.

“Do you want to know why I sent her to the station and wouldn’t save her like I did Cathy and Renee?”

Angelica remained silent knowing Bette’s question was rhetorical.

“Because it’s the only way her parents will deal with her and stop her from hurting herself,” Bette simply said. “Are those the type of parents you want us to be? Ones that don’t take an interest in you or your safety?”

“No,” Angelica said weakly.

“I ask because it’s occurred to me that we’ve been the complete opposite, and yet you seem to believe that no matter how much your mother and I have been through, you act as if we know nothing and disregard anything we say anyway.”

Angelica wiped tears away once again as her head hung low.

“You have some sort of desire to ignore common sense,” Bette continued despite the sad sight in front of her. “You act like we don’t know what it’s like to be your age Angelica. If the police hadn’t shown up, and people drove home from that party, it’s likely someone would have been killed being as intoxicated as some of those kids were. You seem to have ignored our advice on your friend being way too old for you, and you end up in a situation curled up in the bathroom, fearful of the unknown because you are way too young to have sex.”

“I didn’t have sex,” Angelica said in her defense.

“Because by some grace of God you actually smartened up enough to protect yourself and call for help,” Tina finally chimed in. “You were very close to being pushed into a position where there was no point of return. I’m not saying he would have raped you, but at the very least you were in danger of it.”

Angelica cringed at the word rape, not able to believe that Darren would have ignored her pleas to stop given how close they are.

“It’s strange Angelica,” Bette picked up where Tina left off. “In cases like this, most times, the boy claims to not have heard the girl saying no. Sure, we could have prosecuted him, but the damage would have been done Angelica. I’m sitting here scared to death that if you hadn’t called and protected yourself, you’d now be in a situation where you lost your virginity, possibly by force and frankly you’d be a mess.”

“I know I’m not ready to have sex,” Angelica said quietly.

“But yet you’ve managed to get yourself into situations where that’s exactly the danger you’re flirting with. What do you think happens at a hotel?”

“I thought we were going to Tracy’s party.”

“Brilliant,” Tina shot back. “So at the very least you knew you were going to sneak out, which is against the rules, go to a party thrown by someone we forbade you to be around because she’s a bad influence, and sneak back in here before we woke up in the morning to look us in the eyes as if nothing had happened?”

Angelica felt a wave of nausea hit her and she struggled to keep her stomach from flopping around. The manner in which Tina worded her sentence portrayed Angelica as calculating, dishonest, and naïve at best.

“I’m sorry,” Angelica sobbed, unable to hold her emotions in further.

Bette and Tina looked at one another, silently agreeing that the role they now had to play was not one of comforter, but rather enforcer of the basic rules of their household that were set in place to protect Angelica from the dangers of the world.

“I have no sympathy for you,” Bette said calmly. “We trusted you Angelica and you have abused that trust so completely. That trust isn’t granted back easily once it’s broken. How does it feel to know your mothers don’t believe you? “

“Horrible,” Angelica sobbed.

“Imagine how horrible you’d feel if you piled losing your virginity on top of what you’re feeling now,” Tina said. “Obviously we need to have a talk with you about sex.”

“I don’t want to have sex,” Angelica sputtered. “I really like Darren, but I know I’m not ready. I thought we were just going to Tracy’s party and I hadn’t planned on drinking. I know you don’t believe me, but I learned my lesson about that too.”

“You’re right,” Tina said sadly. “We don’t believe you.”

“Angelica,” Bette leaned forward to place herself into Angelica’s line of vision. “Sex is a very serious thing Boo. I know that physically you’re at the age where your hormones are all over the place making it hard to ignore the urges you get. But there is so much more to sex than just the basic physical act. There are emotions and commitments that go along with it that you aren’t capable of at such a young age.”

“I know,” Angelica agreed truly feeling her conviction that she was not ready. “I didn’t want to have sex with him.”

“Then why were you at a hotel with him?” Tina asked.

“Because when I was with him, I was popular. I went to the party to be with the popular crowd and I didn’t know that he had gotten another room.”

“Why did you go to the other room?”

“Because he asked me in front of everyone and I didn’t want to be a baby and say no,” Angelica cried. “I didn’t want to be different from everyone again and not be liked.”

“Which is also why you drank at the party?” Bette asked but in a tone that made it more of a statement than a question.

“Everyone else was doing it and I just wanted to fit in.”

“You have to give up this obsession with wanting to be like everyone else,” Bette said as she laid her hand on Angelica’s knee. “You have to see the amazing person you are and that your differences make you the special person you are. They are to be celebrated, not avoided.”

“I’m not you,” Angelica shot back through her tears. “I can’t just stand by myself and support the things that make me different and like them. I don’t fit in, but when I was with this crowd, they overlooked that because I was with Darren and they became my friends.”

“Your friends are the ones that called Mama B and I to come save you,” Tina shot back at Angelica. “And those friends are the ones that have supported you when frankly you didn’t deserve it! They don’t mind that you’re biracial, they don’t mind that your moms are lesbians, they just care about the amazing person you are.”

“I just want to fit in,” Angelica said sadly. “I want someone to understand me. I don’t belong to any group, not fully.”

“Boo,” Bette squatted down before her daughter who let her tears fall freely now. “I know what it’s like not to feel like you completely belong to any one group, but you’re minimizing things and reducing who you are to simple labels. You’re right, you are not fully African-American nor are you completely white. But you are a woman, a cheerleader, a good student involved with the student council. All of those things are groups that you do fit into, your race or who your parents are doesn’t completely define you, it’s just one small part of who you are.”

“I just want you to understand,” Angelica said.

“I do, but another amazing part of you is that you’re a member of this family as well. This family accepts you just as you are, stop trying to be something you aren’t to fit in with people who, if they cared for you, would love you for exactly who you are.”

“Angelica,” Tina continued. “When you learn to love yourself, for who you are, you’ll learn how to celebrate your differences. You have to learn how to look in the mirror and see how wonderful you are.”

“Is that how you do it?”

“Do what?” Tina asked confused.

“Ignore the people that say mean things about you because you’re a lesbian.”

“Your mom,” Tina smiled and placed her hand against Bette’s back. “Your mom is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and when I identify myself as a lesbian, I celebrate my love for her which is an amazing blessing.”

“I’m sorry,” Angelica wiped tears as she now looked at Bette. “I want to earn your trust back.”

“Start with earning your freedom,” Bette sat back down on the couch. “Consider yourself grounded for a very long time.”

“How long is a long time?”

“We own you,” Tina said sternly. “You’ll be so busy with work and chores that you won’t have any time for a social life.”

“Can I go to bed?” Angelica asked exhausted from the night.

“Not before I take your door off the hinge,” Bette got up and headed down the hallway to quickly remove the door.

“You’re not off that easy,” Tina continued to talk to Angelica as Bette worked. “We need to have a serious discussion about sex and what it means.”

“I saw the movie though.”

Tina arched her eyebrow putting Angelica back in her place quickly.

“But it couldn’t hurt to have the conversation with you and Mama B,” Angelica quickly conceded.

Tina looked at the door puzzled as the bell rang and broke into her conversation with Angelica.

“Now what?” Tina got up to look through the peephole on the door at the person now knocking on the door.

She squinted to look out, quickly opening up the door upon seeing Megan and Sarah on the front porch. Sarah was bundled in a blanket, her head resting comfortably on Megan’s shoulder as she fought the urge to sleep.

“Tina,” Megan balanced Sarah on her hip. “I don’t know where else to go and I saw your lights on.”

“What’s going on?” Tina ushered Megan inside and she bent down to retrieve Sarah’s diaper bag from the ground.

“My mother has been taken to the hospital and it doesn’t look very good. I’m scared and I just….”

Tina placed her hands on Megan’s shoulders to try to offer comfort and support. Bette heard Megan’s voice and walked down the hallway quickly to find out what prompted her late night visit.

“God I hate to do this,” Megan blinked back tears. “I don’t want to take Sarah to a stale hospital where she won’t get a good night’s sleep and could pick up god knows what kind of cold or…”

“She can stay here,” Bette entered the room, laying her eyes on Sarah for the first time in person.

“Here,” Tina grabbed Sarah from Megan as Sarah laid her head on Tina’s shoulder. “Do you need a ride to the hospital because one of us can take you and one of us can stay here with Sarah and Angelica?”

“No,” Megan offered a weak smile. “I can drive, but I just didn’t want to take her there for a long night.”

Bette walked up and wrapped her arms around Megan and held her tight.

“If you need someone to be with you, call my cell and one of us will be there for you.”

“Thanks,” Megan hugged her back. “I have to leave now.”

“She’s safe with us,” Bette walked Megan out, admiring the courage and grace with which she was handling a family crisis.

Bette walked back inside, staring at Tina rocking Sarah back and forth as she hummed to the little girl to relax her. Tina nuzzled her cheek against Sarah’s hair and closed her eyes, amazed at the connection she already felt for her in such a short time. Tina opened her eyes, catching Bette staring at her, and smiled.

“Babe,” Tina said quietly but grabbing Bette’s attention. “Come hold her.”

Bette walked up to Tina and hesitantly took the tired child from Tina’s arms. She felt her eyes glisten with tears, knowing the difficult future that laid ahead for such an innocent young girl. She held Sarah to her body as Sarah immediately felt comfortable enough to grab a handful of Bette’s hair in her tiny, chubby hand and lay her head on Bette’s shoulder. She nuzzled into Bette’s neck as a tear escaped Bette’s expressive eyes.

“Oh my God,” Bette said quietly as Sarah fell off to sleep. “She’s perfect.”