Chapter 9

The sun didn’t need to serve as a wake-up call to Bette, she was already up and ready for the day, eager to see Angelica for breakfast. She was careful not to wake Jodi before the alarm sounded to begin her day; she was satisfied with having a period of time by herself. Bette’s thoughts drifted to the previous night, the tension that seemed to form between her and Tina whenever they talked about the past. This time, however, the tension was sexual in nature and Bette was struggling to push those thoughts and feelings aside.

The alarm sounded and Bette walked over to the nightstand to shut it off, sitting on the edge of the bed, and gently nudging Jodi to wake her from her deep sleep.

“The alarm went off,” Bette signed with a smile as Jodi opened one eye and glared at her.

“I hate the morning,” Jodi signed back as she flipped over on her back and began to stretch. “Why are you up and dressed so early?”

“Breakfast with Angelica,” Bette signed carefully and then placed a kiss on Jodi’s forehead. “You remembered I’d be late to the site right?”

“Yes,” Jodi signed through a yawn. “Do you want me to join you at breakfast? I’d like to see Angelica too.”

“Tonight,” Bette offered a weak smile. “We’ll do dinner tonight so you can see her if you can wrap up working a little earlier.”

“I’ll make sure I do,” Jodi signed as she bounded out of bed and toward the bathroom.

Bette waited until she heard the shower turn on before placing the Post-It note she had written earlier on Jodi’s keys. There, she knew she would get it, even though it offered little explanation on why Bette wasn’t waiting to say goodbye to her.

Bette grabbed her own room key and quietly closed the door to the hotel room, given it was fairly early and she didn’t want to disturb any of the other guests. She stepped over the Wall Street Journal that was outside of each patron’s door, an amenity that most hotels didn’t offer, but Bette enjoyed. She grabbed her copy outside of her own door and tucked it under her arm as she headed toward the restaurant in the hotel.

Tina didn’t have to turn around to know that Bette was up, dressed, and standing behind her in the entrance of the restaurant. Not only did her sixth sense about Bette kick in, but Angelica announced proudly to the crowd that ‘Mama B’ had entered the quaint restaurant.

“Mama B! Mama B!”

Bette instantly focused on the table near the corner where Angelica was attempting to eat her pancakes with a fork and Tina sipped her coffee. Bette walked up and placed The Wall Street Journal on a cart of dirty dishes, since she wouldn’t need it to bide her time until Angelica and Tina showed for breakfast.

“I didn’t think you’d be here already,” Bette said as she bent down and kissed Angelica with a smile. She turned and kissed Tina gently on the lips as she sat down beside Angelica, facing Tina, who was struggling with minimal sleep and arousing thoughts from the previous night.

“We were both up early and I thought if I got her fed early, we could eat our breakfast while it was hot.”

“So you haven’t ordered yet?”

“No,” Tina shook her head. “Just coffee.”

“That sounds good right about now.”

“Didn’t sleep well?” Tina pushed, regretting what might have been the reason Bette was tired and not wanting to have it confirmed.

“No,” Bette offered very little explanation. “I guess we both had a long night.”

“Strange place,” Tina began. “Different time zone…”

“I really do appreciate you doing this for me,” Bette said with a sincere smile as she signaled for the waitress to fill her mug with coffee. “I know it must not be easy for you given how much work you have to do on Lez Girls.”

“You helped a lot last night, and really it is for the best, Jenny can’t stalk me in New York.”

“She really kills me,” Bette said shaking her head. “Throughout the entire book she plays herself off as a victim of Marina, like Jenny didn’t have the capacity to simply say she wasn’t interested, when really the true victims here are all of us for her disjointed view of reality. It would be fine if she thought that, but when she commits it to paper and sells it as an accurate picture of our lives, I have a small problem.”

Bette picked up the menu in front of her and signaled for the waitress to come take their order. Bette normally would have eaten something light, but knowing that it would be a long day, she opted for a bigger breakfast. A smile crossed her face when Tina simply said she would have what Bette had ordered and casually shrugged her shoulders to minimize the shocked look that crossed Bette’s face.

“I wasn’t aware you were eating more for breakfast these days.”

“Complaining?” Tina teased back.

“Not at all,” Bette said desperate to avoid the temptation of allowing her eyes to take inventory of Tina’s body. “What are your plans for the day?”

“I was planning on taking Angelica to a park that I heard someone talking about,” Tina said as she sipped her coffee. “They said that it was only a few miles away by car so I was going to call a cab when we were done. If she can run around and play on the equipment, I might be able to get some more outlined on the rewrite.”

“Where we left off, if you explain the back story, it should put you up to the party where her book starts right?”

“Yes, where she was stalked out as prey and the big, bad lesbian named Marina tore her life apart with a simple kiss in our bathroom.”

Bette couldn’t help but smile at Tina’s dramatic eye roll that accompanied the sarcastic remark. Bette shook her head as the image of Jenny standing in Tim’s kitchen making a fool out of her neighbor flashed before her eyes.

“I really felt badly for Tim,” Bette said casually as the waitress served their breakfast and left them to continue their private conversation. “I can still remember how angry I was knowing something had happened between them.”

“I was pretty shocked myself when it all came out.”

Angelica suddenly began to join in the conversation, talking so fast that only about half of what she said was understandable, making Bette and Tina laugh at how energetically she was emphasizing her points. The remainder of the breakfast was spent with Bette and Tina engaging in playful conversation with their daughter until Bette looked at her watch and grimaced.

“I’m sorry,” Tina apologized instantly. “Did we make you late to the site?”

“Not late exactly,” Bette said as she wiped her mouth and signaled for the bill. “But I did want to spend some time with you both at the park before I head to the site if that’s ok?”

“That’s great.”

“Let me sign for this,” Bette said casually as she did just that. “I’ll meet you in the lobby, and drive you to the park, but I have to go to the site later, so I can either bring you back here or have you drop me off there so you have a way to get around when you want. If you take my car I can just use Jodi’s to get back from the site later tonight.”

“Sounds good,” Tina said wiping Angelica’s hands and placing a kiss on her nose. “I have all her stuff so just meet me when you’re ready and we can go from there.”

Tina watched as Bette walked quickly out of the restaurant and disappeared down the hallway before turning back to Angelica and staring into her eyes.

“You know this is tough don’t you? I hate to admit your Auntie Alice was right, but I haven’t even seen her yet and just the thought of Jodi sends me into a tailspin.”

Angelica just babbled, not understanding the concepts that Tina was talking to her about, but Tina was thankful for the non-judgmental ear that her daughter often lent. She felt her phone vibrate and dug in her pocket to retrieve it. She smiled, seeing Kate’s name scroll across the screen.

“Hey there!”

“I’m assuming I didn’t wake you?” Kate said as she frowned at the sight in front of her eyes.

“Not at all, how are you?”

“Stuck in hell if this is supposed to be The Planet,” Kate said aggravated. “I was wondering how the rewrite went last night?”

“We are now at the point where Jenny’s story began,” Tina relayed her good news. “I have an outline for the first few scenes leading up to the party, to lay a solid foundation for the characters. I just have to get the words out there so you can direct an actual script.”

“Good,” Kate shook her head no at some of the people that were accompanying her to her site visits. “Please tell me this is the worst one on the list because it looks nothing like how I envision The Planet, nor does it look like the actual one.”

“That bad?”

“It could be worse,” Kate joked into the phone as she walked away from the people that stood in shock at her dismay over the site. “It could be a burnt down building full of rats that they showed me. This is one step up from that.”

“Thank God I don’t have to do that today,” Tina smiled. “Are you doing that all day?”

“I am,” Kate said quickly. “You?”

“Writing in the park with Bette, before she has to go to Jodi’s site, and playing with Angie.”

“That sounds nice,” Kate simply said as she rolled her eyes on the other end of the phone. “Just be careful ok?”

“Of the park?”

“Of your heart,” Kate said softly causing Tina to close her eyes briefly. “I’ll call you after I manage to choke someone for this hideous joke of a site they are trying to sell me on.”

After saying goodbye, Tina quickly shut her phone and picked up Angelica, making her way to the lobby to meet Bette. Just as they stepped into the lobby, Bette came walking down the hallway with a bag over her shoulder.

“You ready?”

Tina simply nodded as Kate’s words rang fresh in her ears. She was silent during the drive, half listening to Angelica and Bette converse, while she also thought carefully about what Kate had said.

As the navigation system signaled Bette to turn, Tina took in the small park with a smile. It was a perfect place for her to write, to have Angelica busy on the equipment that was perfect for her age and skill set, while allowing both her and Bette time to work on the rewrite.

Bette and Tina quickly gathered their things, including Angelica, who was holding their hands as they walked to a tree that provided shade and was close enough that they could see Angelica on the play equipment.

“Look at how much fun she’s having already,” Bette said with a smile, her eyes never leaving Angelica. “This was a great idea.”

“I’m glad you could join us,” Tina said.

“Me too,” Bette smiled at her and then focused back on Angelica. “So now that you have an outline for ‘Bev’ and ‘Nina’ before the party, and you know what happened at the party, what’s next?”

“I guess we need to just provide the examples of our relationship that we want to show,” Tina said as she nervously tapped the pen in her hand on the pad of paper in her lap. “I jotted down a few notes about the party.”

“Which are?”

“That we were desperately trying to find a donor,” Tina said as she read her notes over. “I think we need to show that we were trying to get anyone we knew because we wanted to start our family so badly.”

“Ok,” Bette agreed as she leaned back against the tree, still watching Angelica. “That party was where Jenny’s victim mentality began and I think you need to address that.”

“How so?”

“She had every opportunity to turn away from Marina, but she almost sought her out by going to The Planet and her reading group. She made a conscious choice to pick up with her, and to agree to marry Tim, all at the same time.”

“That really bothers you doesn’t it?”

“As ‘Bev’ who was practically crucified in her book for straying outside of our relationship,” Bette began, bitterness lacing her voice. “It does bother me. It bothered me that night too, when she tried to play me for a fool, like I didn’t know what was going on when they announced their engagement.”

“I remember.”

Bette and Tina sat in silence for a moment, staring at Angelica going down the toddle slide, before Bette dared to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen on them.

“You know what I remember about that night?”

“Hmmm?” Tina asked.

“After Kit had left, and I was alone in our room, you came in. Do you remember that?”

“Yes,” Tina answered.

“You said you supported me for my convictions,” Bette recalled. “But near the end, before I….”

Bette allowed her voice to trail off, not wanting to voice the word ‘affair’, as if it made it more real than it already was.

“I didn’t feel you supported me in my convictions,” Bette admitted. “I know you apologized last night, but it’s kept me up most of the night, because I didn’t feel that you supported my convictions all the time even beyond using Marcus as a donor.”

“How so?”

“Well for starters, there was Marcus.”

“I told you I was wrong for that,” Tina said in her defense.

“There was work,” Bette added, feeling slightly resentful as the memories continued to pop up in her head.

“Oh really? I wasn’t supportive in your work? I was the one that supported you going against the CAC Board and booking Provocations even though it was a risk. I remember telling you that no matter what happened in the Board meeting that I would support you and we would have been ok.”

“Do you honestly feel that you always supported my work?” Bette asked slightly shocked at Tina’s stance on this topic.

“Sure I complained, but I felt I was supportive until you lost the job that seemed to always take precedence over me and then did nothing to get a new one when we needed you to,” Tina said. “I felt like you were living in some alternate universe where money grew on trees while I struggled to keep our heads above water.”

“I wanted to do what spoke to my heart,” Bette admitted feeling a sense of hurt over Tina’s views on her unemployment. “I didn’t want to just jump into a thankless job and when I did have a lead, you rejected it because you didn’t want to come here for it.”

“I don’t think we can use that time in our relationship as examples of anything.”

“Why? Because it hits too close to home?”

Bette was shocked at her own anger that seemed to be rising to the surface. She got up, dusted off her Levis, and walked toward Angelica playing on the slide to avoid an argument. Tina watched, from the distance, remembering the times where both of them failed to support one another.

She shook her head as she thought back to her reaction to Marcus being used as a donor.

“Your rejection of Marcus, however honest it was, is viewed by Bette as a rejection of who she is.”

Tina cringed when she thought of Bette’s answer to Dan Foxworthy’s question of what that incident said to him.

“We aren’t ready to have kids together,” Bette had said in anger.

Tina wiped a stray tear that traveled down her cheek as she thought of Bette’s words to Alice regarding the chart that she was constructing.

“Why is it so important for you to believe that everyone is sleeping with everyone else?”

“Because they are,” Alice had answered.

“Monogamy isn’t just hypothetical. Some people actually do practice it.”

Tina wiped a few more stray tears as she watched Bette lift Angelica in the air and twirl her around. Tina thought back to how it felt to touch Bette’s muscular back, feel it twitch under her soft and caressing touch, and felt more tears forming in her eyes as she watched Bette and Angelica playing together.

Tina thought back to the night of Provocations, the pain she felt at seeing the way Bette had walked away from Candace, their hands intertwined, and wondered when she had stopped supporting her own convictions.

Tina got up and walked to a small area where there was nothing more than 2 drinking fountains and let her tears fall at will down her cheeks. As different scenes from their relationship flashed in Tina’s mind, she shook her head and allowed her tears to fall freely. Tina was sure of one thing, that the slights and hurts that had caused a slow, painful deterioration in their relationship were things they could have worked on, things that could have been discussed and fixed. However, them turning to other people, Bette to Candace and Tina to Henry, she knew was something they couldn’t go back from. It was a piece of their history that couldn’t be overlooked or easily repaired.

She felt familiar hands on her back as she leaned on the drinking fountain, feeling the pain of her memories. She felt her muscles react to the touch of the woman she loved for so many years, still loved, trying to calm her down.

“Angelica?”

“She’s still playing,” Bette said softly. “I can see her.”

Tina couldn’t help her tears falling, even if she wanted to stop them, it wasn’t something she could control.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Bette said sincerely.

“I can only say I’m sorry….”

“For?” Bette asked as she held Tina close to her, so close that Tina could feel Bette’s body heat, the feel of Bette’s breasts against her back.

“Marcus,” Tina sniffled trying to get control over her emotions. “Trying to make you take any job instead of one that spoke to you, for not telling you exactly what I wanted to say when you called me about the Senator.”

“Babe,” Bette said instinctively to try to calm Tina down.

“I did give up on supporting your convictions,” Tina agreed. “But I only gave up when you did too.”

“When I did?”

“When monogamy became hypothetical,” Tina softly said. “I never recovered from Candace.”

Tina shuddered as the name passed over her lips, she hadn’t uttered that woman’s name in eons, and yet she was still very present in Tina’s mind as fear rose to the surface.

“I never got past it Bette. I walked back into our relationship, but I kept you at a distance because I was so afraid it would happen again. And I knew it wasn’t fair. I knew we hadn’t solved anything and that the distance was just making things worse. But I was too afraid to risk it.”

“Didn’t you think I was afraid feeling you pull away day after day?” Bette asked not making any effort at hiding the emotions that shone through in her voice. “Don’t you think I was scared to death to tell you that if you felt something for Josh to explore your feelings? I knew at that moment, if you did that, there was no going back for us. I just didn’t want to hold you back. I knew I deserved better too.”

“I thought it was easier,” Tina said crying harder now. “It was easier to step into a life that was accepted than to stay in a relationship where I just wasn’t worth it, no matter how much I loved you. I wasn’t worth you talking to me instead of running to Candace, and staying with her for weeks, instead of fighting for us.”

“I punished myself far worse than you think I did,” Bette said feeling anger rise to the surface. “Nothing about our relationship from the point this fucking book picks up was easy. Not losing our baby, not losing each other, and not watching you go back to men to avoid talking about the hard issues.”

“You want to talk about the hard issues now Bette?” Tina turned around to face Bette with tears in her eyes. “You want to talk about how hard it is for me to support you now as you move on with Jodi when all I want to do is tell you how much I love you and want you back?”