Walking slowly and looking at the card, Shane reflects on what she just lived moments ago.  Shane was happy and a lot of other emotions when she saw Carmen, but she was also a little sad to see that Carmen has moved on and seems happy.  Of course Shane didn’t want to see her suffering or anything, but she felt like it was going to be really intrusive and selfish to break that harmony.

“What if she’s in love?  What if she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore?” Shane thinks.

But at the same time, she has this feeling in her heart that she has to try, to fight till there’s no hope.  That’s the only way to be sure.  She’ll have to talk to her… tomorrow.

—————————————————————————————————————————-

***********

“…Why?” asks Shane almost in a whisper, scared of the answer.

“Honey I…” The woman lowers her head in embarrassment.  It was so hard to try to explain such an unjustifiable action, but she had to do it.  Shane deserved an explanation. She wanted to do it not for herself but for her daughter.  She didn’t want to leave this world without Shane knowing the truth.

 “I was so lost darling… Your father and I were so immature, so irresponsible… He was looking for women all the time and drinking and… one day he just disappeared… I didn’t know what to do.  I was so scared and that’s when I decided my only solution was drugs.  They made me feel so good… That’s what I thought, but soon they took my life completely.  I couldn’t think of anything else than getting high… They made me forget everything…even you.” She admits closing her eyes in shame.

Shane’s face shows pain as she asks “that’s when you…?”

“Yes,” her mother interrupts her.  “I just couldn’t take it anymore… I wasn’t taking care of you, and I thought I was being a bad mother.  I thought I wasn’t a mother so… I was really sure I was doing the right thing by taking you to the foster care… At least you wouldn’t be hungry or cold… I was certain they’d take care of you.”

*Silence*