“…But now I know I was a coward…”she continues “… I know if I had been a little bit brave I could’ve done it…be a real mother, not this shitty…” the woman regrets.  She’s crying.

“Stop it, stop it.” Shane hugs and consoles her.  “It’s ok… Shhh… I have you.” She can feel her own tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I thought that was the best I could do… I thought you’d be better without me.  I was only going to hurt you.  I swear I just wanted to save you from me.  I…”

“I know.  I know.”  Shane hugs her even tighter.  She feels sick; the air is not flowing well in and out her lungs.  Those words, so familiar to her, are killing her inside.  “It’s all right.  We’re gonna be all right,” she manages sobbing.

“I’m sorry sweetie.  I’m so sorry.”

**********

After shaking the memory from her mind, Shane steps out of her car and begins to look for the house.  These are the moments when she realizes that the phone book is, indeed, useful.  She checks every street carefully.  She turns one corner, walks a little and stops at the fact that the next house matches the address.  She wants to move, but she can’t.  The house is big, but looks so warm just like a family house.  The neighborhood seems to be pretty quiet; that’s what Carmen always wanted: a noisy job, a quiet house.  Shane decides just to go back to the corner and smoke a cigarette.  Maybe after that, she’ll get enough courage to ring the doorbell.

Almost half an hour later, Shane is still in the same corner walking in circles trying to figure out if this was a good idea after all.  Again, the doubts about Carmen’s reaction take her over.  The last thing she wants to do is upset her.  Suddenly, the sound of a car breaks her concentration.  It’s from a minivan that just has parked in front of Carmen’s place.  Shane looks expectantly as someone steps out the car.

“Yeah, I got him.”

Shane can’t believe it.  It’s Carmen.  In an impulsive move, Shane starts walking towards her; she’s just a few feet away from her when suddenly…

“Here we are little man.  Estamos en casa, sweet home baby.”

Shane freezes.  Carmen is right there holding in her arms a cute one-year-old Latin looking baby boy, whom someone handed to her from inside the van.  Shane soon notices that the person is the same brunette who was kissing Carmen last night at the club.

“You weren’t scared of the water were you?  No you weren’t.  You were such a brave boy; eres muy valiente.” Carmen speaks softly to the kid who smiles at her.

“I think your mother was more scared than you, sweetie.”  The other woman says to the baby.  Carmen and her burst into laughter.

“Tomorrow will be way better.  You’ll see.”

They are so focus on the kid that neither of them notices that someone is watching the scene really close to them.

It takes a few seconds more for Shane to react.  As soon as she does, she immediately turns around and walks really fast, bumping into a man.

“Hey!” screams the man

“I…. Sorry.” Shane mumbles and runs.

Carmen and her girlfriend gaze at their direction.  One of the voices sounded familiar to Carmen.

Shane runs without stopping towards her car.  Once she found it, she opens the door quickly and starts the engine as fast as she could.

“Shit, shit, shit.”  She curses her luck, hitting the wheel. “What if she saw me?  Did she see me?  Did she know it was me?  Nah!”  Shane thinks while driving.  She can’t get rid of the image of Carmen and the baby from her mind.  “She has a baby… a baby… Fuck” that was something that Shane hadn’t counted on.  Carmen now has her own family.  Things are going to be more difficult than she thought.  “Oh man…a son.”