Two

Why the thought of God? Why the thought of heaven? Why this insane belief in something you only witness in death? Death was my religion yeah? Sure why not think about how it all will play out. The end of things, I imagine heaven in my sleep, in my dreams. I imagine it because I will never see it. You don’t wind up in heaven for burning people alive or hunting them like so much prey, like a wolf with blood on its teeth yeah? No that’s not how it will happen and so it was an obsession.

After our chat of insignificance Pavel lead me to my room. A wonderful room with a wonderful view of a garden with white flowers to go with my heaven fetish. The garden was tended to by a slim and tall woman who immediately caught my eye.

Her hands where covered in mud and dirt. Her blonde curls tight and falling in waves close to her shoulders; she was dressed in white and wore no shoes. I watched as she sang to the flowers and cared for them. I drifted off and wondered about how all that white would be ruined if it where covered with blood. I closed the window and slept for three days.

A secret desire…….to be good.

When I wake Pavel was there in my room. He pleaded for my understanding in his violation of my space. I was indifferent. He had more to explain. I let him for the moment. In my dreams that light from the crack in the universe does not hurt my eyes. But I don’t tell him this. He pulls up a plush chair and lays it all out there.

 “Carmen is well. I thought you should know. They have taken her into custody and she is in an unknown local.”

“Then how do you know she is ok?”

“Because they will use her to find you. I don’t think for a moment they would harm her. Call it a gut feeling.”

Guts.

“I have this serum for you. I know that you crashed it was expected. This is a pick me up. You have to ingest it.”