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instinct part7
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Gratitude appreciation. Giving thanks… no matter what words you use… it all means the same things… happy. We are supposed to be happy. Grateful for friends, family… happy for just being alive whatever we like it or not.
Maybe we are not suppose to be happy, maybe gratitude has nothing to do with choice. Maybe being grateful is recognizing what you have for what it is. Admiring the struggle of what it takes to simply be human. Maybe we are thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we are thankful for the things we will never know. At the end of the day the fact that we still have the courage to still be standing… is reason enough to celebrate.
So I’m grateful for being alive… I’m grateful for the second chance I’ve got, to get my life back in track… because this whole thing has only made me think about life, and think about what I need to make it better… and what I need to do so…
The only problem is… I don’t think I’m going to live for tomorrow… there’s a 69% chance I die in the table… and that’s a very high estimate… I want to live… and after what happened yesterday with Carmen I know I have to live… because I get the feeling we could still make it work… she loves me… she said it… but why do I feel now, like it doesn’t matter really… I don’t want to be negative but… it’s a heart transplant… my hart… or what’s left of it, is going to be taken out and replaced by another’s person heart… its weird to think about it… a new heart…
A new heart and Carmen… that’s all I think about… yesterday was grate… she said she loves me… that’s good right?… but now… I feel bad for saying all des thing to her… because when I die…IF I die……….. Well is going to be harder on her… fuck… I didn’t think about it before… I don’t want to die but.. Lets be realistic… I have a good chance of dying….
In hospital they say you know… You know when you’re going to die. Some doctor’s say is a look patient’s get in their eyes. Some say there is a scent a smell of death. Some think their just some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is heading for you, you feel it coming. What ever it is, it’s creepy. Cause if you know, what do you do about it? Forget about the fact that you’re scared out of your mind. If you knew this was the last day on earth… how would you want to spend it?
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k, so.. the last chapter was heavy. this one.. was very light hearted and fun. i loved both of them, and i’m looking forward to what happens next.
Loved it babez!!! Especially loved da part wur it wuz all quiet and Shane (out of no wur) said dat Paige had a nipple ring…. dat wuz so fuckin hillarious…. I could totally see it, LOMFL!!!! Whelp, like alwayz from me, Baby-gurl, LYLAS :p Stank, da’ one and only, chicka :D Holla at me if ya need anything, babez ;-)
man did I ever need this chap after the day I had…yay Shane is getting a new heart!!!! feel jipped, when the hospital gave me moraphine I never got high..:)
haha.. does shane even know what she’s saying when she’s so stoned? thank god she’s going for an op or else those ladies would prolly knock her head with some medical equipment! very light-hearted, loved reading it and i can’t wait to read how things are after the operation.