CHAPTER 7

Driving home, Carmen didn’t say a single word.
Not a single word came out from that luscious mouth of her… uhm… well, that mouth… I mean, cough, those lips…
…What?
Okay, okay. I’m back on track.
Anyway, I was telling you that Carmen didn’t say anything else…
Maybe because Shane didn’t know what to answer about her little debacle with Nikki.
Maybe because Shane didn’t know exactly what to do, after her little debacle with Nikki.
You know what?
Shane has some relational issues.
I mean, when Carmen entered her life, Shane really settled down. For four, five years she didn’t even think about other women.
Because Carmen was everything she needed.
But when the trouble started to become really big, Shane did the only thing she knew.
She got lost.
She had meaningless and rapid sex with a stranger.
Yes, I know, it was a 60-second betrayal, but…
Well, Carmen didn’t care.
She had read Shane’s note and she was pissed as hell.

Flashback – Shane

We drive home in my wife’s huge pickup and we don’t share a single word.
I am really, really frightened at the mere idea of watching Carmen.
So I stare at the black street outside the window, biting my nails and feeling extremely, painfully anxious.
Carmen parks her supercar right in front of our garage.
Without a word, she gets out and closes the door, heading straight to the front door.
I follow her, looking down at my own feet and feeling a sticky guilt run across my entire body like a slimy spider.
Guilt.
The fucking guilt.
And fear.
And a terrible foreboding just glancing at Carmen’s back.
She walks across the door and goes directly towards our bedroom.
I sigh, heavily and soundly, lighting a cigarette.
“Fuck…”, I mumble, glancing at the stairs.
I gotta let her cool down a little.
Nah.
I gotta fix things up immediately.
After all, nothing irreversible is happened.
So, I run up the stairs and I turn the doorknob of our bedroom.
Thump.
My face against the locked door.
.
I step back, rubbing my nose.
“Carmen, please, open the door”, I murmur, knocking gently on the hard wood surface.
No answer.
“Carm, please… Honey…”.
“Don’t call me honey!”.
I shake my head.
“Honey…”, I repeat.
“Fuckface!”.
Hey, that was harsh.
I swallow.
She’s really, really mad.
And maybe…
Well, maybe I can’t blame her.
“We’ve always been a family that communicated”, I state, clearing my voice, “If anything important happens, we both should know about it. That’s the rule”.
There is a long silence, at this point.
And finally, after an endless time, I can hear Carmen’s steps.
And the door, eventually, opens.
My wife is staring at me with hurt eyes.
Hurt, angry eyes.
Disappointed eyes.
“What’s going on?”, I murmur, leaning against the door frame.
Carmen doesn’t break eye contact.
“You know what’s going on”, she says with an apparently flat tone.
“I am very upset”.
I swallow.
“You’re right. I know”.
I look down.
“I am so very sorry, Carm. I don’t even know why I did what I did”.
Her chin trembles, but her eyes as still as hard as a stone.
“I think we disregarded each other, recently. And I am sorry. Because I love you. I sincerely, deeply love you, Carm…”, I mutter.
“I just want you to know that I was drunk. And, as soon as I realized what I was doing, I stopped it”.
Nothing.
Just those haunting eyes.
“I am sorry, very sorry”, I repeat, uncertain about what to say except that… well, that I am sorry.
“I’d just like to put today behind us, okay?”.
Carmen’s voice is just a whisper.
“Okay”.
She steps aside, her arms folded, and lets me in.
I plop down on the bed, sighing.
Carmen rests her back against the wall.
“You know, Shane… I was gonna drive to the hospital, praying that you were okay. Because the truth is that I never thought that anything really terrible could happen to me or you….”.
She rubs her forehead.
“And I was getting on the expressway… and suddenly I had this very strong feeling that you were dead. And I knew what it would feel like to be alone in this house, to not have you in my life. And I got so scared, I had to stop for a while…”.
I get up, moving some steps towards her.
Hesitantly, I wrap my arms around her waist.
“Well, you don’t have to be scared anymore…”, I whisper, kissing her forehead.
Carmen pulls back.
“I am not scared. That note you wrote down… well… It said it all. You don’t deserve me to be scared”.
I blink my eyelids.
“Look, Carmen, I am so very sorry about what’s happened with that girl. She doesn’t mean anything to me. She really doesn’t. It was a fucked up thing to do… to you, and to myself. To us”.
“After reading your note, for a minute I thought that I would kill you with my own bare hands”, she states, flatly.
I step back as if she’s just slapped me in the face.
“For a second, I thought that a hiatal hernia wasn’t enough for you. That you deserved something worse than that. Because you’ve been ignoring me for months. You treated me like I was a piece of furniture. And now you even cheated on me”, she adds.
I am speechless.
“And now…”, Carmen shakes her head, “…And now I am happy to tell you how I really feel. It’s like a weight has been lifted”.
“Like a weight has been lifted?”, I repeat, incredulously.
“Yeah”.
I stand up straight, feeling a sudden pride growing on me.
“So, how am I supposed to respond? You tell me you whished I was dead?!”.
“I thought it was important”.
Carmen looks down.
“I think you owe me an apology, Carmen”, I mutter, seriously, clenching my jaw.
She shakes her head.
“You’re just… unbelievable, really”.
“Well you know what? You’ve been ignoring me as well! That’s the fucking truth, Carmen! You didn’t do anything to keep me close to you, lately!”, I finally snap.
She just tilts her head, biting her bottom lip.
“If you have something to say, I’d like to hear it”, I murmur, swallowing.
Carmen looks straight at me.
“I want a divorce”.
I freeze, completely shocked.
Completely, utterly shaken, traumatized, and taken aback.
“No, you don’t”, I mutter, chuckling and shaking my head in denial.
“Yes I do”. Her voice is calm.
Dangerously steady.
“No, you don’t…”, I repeat, whispering.
“I’ve thought about this a lot, during the last months”, she adds, plainly, “And I really don’t want to be married to you anymore”.
I wince.
“Why do you want a divorce?”, I moan, “I mean, put Nikki aside for a second… Did… did I do something? Did I… did I not do something?”.
Carmen’s eyes are now flaming.
“First of all, Shane, I CAN’T simply put Nikki aside. Okay? And anyway, I can’t give you any more specifics”.
“Well, try!”, I shout.
“I don’t want to try!”, she yells back.
I pace the room back and forth, like an insane.
“Is there… Is there somebody else?”, I ask, “Another woman?”.
Carmen closes her eyes and leans her head back, against the wall.
“No…”.
“…A man?”, I question her, hesitantly.
She chuckles, bitterly.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Shane?”.
I bang my fist against the wall, just a few inches from her head.
“I should be the one asking for a divorce!”, I yell, “I was rushed to hospital suffering from severe…”.
“Indigestion”.
I shut my mouth.
“Oh, you’re such an expert at making me look like a jerk”, I murmur then, bitterly.
“Okay, okay, okay”, Carmen exclaims, sighing, “I am the bed person, here. Let’s just blame me for this”.
“No!”, I wave my hand in the air to silence her.
“No. I think I need… No, I think you owe me, after these pretty goddamn good years of marriage, a solid reason. I worked my ass off to make enough money to provide you with a good life, and you owe me a reason that makes sense. Because I really can’t believe, sorry Carmen but I really can’t believe that one single fucking minute of desperation could bring to this”.
I stop, in the middle of the room, and shove my hands deep into my pockets.
I stare at her, intently.
“So let’s hear it. Come on. Let’s hear it. Let’s hear it!”, I shout.
Carmen gazes upon me.
“Because… after reading that note… the mere idea of watching you eat, to see you asleep… makes me wanna smash your face in”, she hisses.
I stumble back, gritting my teeth and feeling an unexpected grudge taking over me, again.
“Come on, then” I state, “Smash my face. Come on. You wanna smash my fucking face? Com –“.
Slap.
My eyes pop out.
And Carmen’s… well’, Carmen’s eyes are like I have never seen them before.
“The next time…”, I hiss furiously, “I hit back”.
I grab my PJ and head towards the door.
“And you’d better get yourself a damn good lawyer!”, I yell.
Carmen stares at me.
“The best your money can buy”.