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Reconciliation Part 28 A
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Part 28 A
Helena slept in the guest room that night after hearing Dylan’s taped confession of love. She was numb as to what to feel. Dylan’s statement of love was stunning and indeed powerful. She had avoided watching the movie despite Dylan’s telling her that there was something on it for her. After their last encounter, she did not want to relive her Dylan experience but she was doing a very bad job of packaging and putting Dylan away. She concluded she must be wearing her emotions on her sleeve because Raquel certainly picked up on it quickly. She wanted to talk to Raquel about the video but she felt Raquel pull away from her and the door had closed on her. When she went back to the media room, she was told that Raquel went out and left the message not to wait up for her. She did not try to wait up but she couldn’t sleep, so the advice was useless. She tossed and turned about everything she said and felt. Her emotions ran high and she felt that Raquel probably hated her for how she responded to seeing the video. They had such a beautiful time on vacation together until that video and the profession of love popped up and shattered the comfortable space they found themselves in.
The confession was kind of bittersweet and she wondered if perhaps it was not just a little too late for it. However, she knew Raquel was right, she needed to deal with it once and for all. The one afternoon of talking and one night of passion she shared with Dylan was not nearly enough to lay aside any of the pain that had befallen her because of Dylan’s actions. Hearing Dylan admit she had dated her assistant made her realize she did overreact to Dylan’s not telling her about Chelsea. But Chelsea’s comments to her about sharing Dylan still stung. She was in great turmoil and spent much of the day by herself, walking the beaches, watching the locals and doing what she did best when she felt down, shop. Jun, Wilson and Elisa had gone to Rachel’s agency for an inside view of the life of a model. They came back in time for dinner and went on and on and on about what fun it was to see Raquel get made up. All the cameras, equipment and lights and general fuss that went into creating the images they saw in the magazines. Even Jun and Elisa got a little made up and fussed over. Raquel was in full Diva mode as she bitched to the photographers over the shots they were taking of her and the kids. She sent them home for dinner and stayed to work but promised Wilson and Jun she would see them in the morning for breakfast before they caught their flight back to New York.
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Does Helena really have to choose? I mean if the Mormons are going to jump in a prevent girls marrying (at least in California-for now), make the bastards jealous and have the plural relationships they (supposedly) gave up to get statehood for Utah!
Hello My Beautifully Passionate Friend… “People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.”- Bill Cosby… first and foremost I am so pleased that you are seeing this through completely in the manner in which best suits you… you have enough faith in your gift to show us the divergent paths for which this story and the lives and loves within it can be altered by some simple changes… and if anyone can bring this to fruition in such a passionate and astounding manner it is you my friend cause you have an incredible gift… you are an incredible gift… I believe that Helena is not deserving of either of these two woman at this juncture in her life… for she is unwilling to sacrifice for them… in all fairness she has stayed quite distant from the idea of giving of herself to anyone at all… for if she truly ‘loved’ and was ‘in love’ with Raquel she would have settled the flames of her heart completely before embarking on any kind of relationship with her… Raquel has opened up and exposed herself completely… even in secrecy of sharing her ‘love’ for Helena she has never sheltered her… she has sacrificed for her… she allowed herself to fall in love something she promised herself she was unable to do… she was afraid to ‘hurt’ and to be ‘hurt’ and she still brought herself to fall ‘in love’ with Helena… and that is an amazing sacrifice one in which she might never recover from… Dylan on the other hand didn’t ask a thing of Helena… she simply exposed herself completely… tore open the wounds that have crafted her life and exposed herself completely… she has never denied her culpability in hurting Helena or demanded ‘forgiveness’ but she has on many occasions confessed her undying love for Helena… and she admitted the ultimate sacrifice in which she was willing to leave… to never return if that meant ‘Helena’ could seek out and find her hearts desire… even and especially if it wasn’t her… but she did sacrifice for Helena… I keep thinking back and wondering where “Helena’ sacrificed for these woman… what she gave to Dylan is what Raquel desire and that is her undivided love and devotion even in times of pain… and what she gave Raquel is what Dylan desired to hear about her hurt… to hear about her pain… to understand just how much Dylan’s betrayal changed her… so she has used them both as means to an end… she has been able to shed her hurt onto Raquel and express her love to Dylan realizing that neither of them would get what they both truly deserved or desired… I have an allusion for Helena’s behavior but I won’t brooch it as it is quite an upsetting subject but when I think about her and the way she acts I cannot get this certain image out of my head… Helena disguises Sex with Love in such an easy way that to her Sex is the illusion of ‘Love’ she realizes that she is not opening up doors completely to her soul in fear that she might get hurt once more… until she realizes that one must risk that very same hurt if they are truly going to experience the love they desire… “I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was” – Unknown… this quote best illustrates Helena at this time… she creates an image of who others are and when who she is to others and she isn’t willing to break the barriers to see what is on the other side… WOW… ummm yeah I hope you don’t fall a sleep read that… jezz JC nothing like over doing it … much love and hugs my passionate friend, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels and Extremely Proud Cuzzie to the ever inspiring and loving Eunichick)
Wow I don’t know where to begin. Although I like Dylan & Helena together I also started to like Raquel and Helena together. I still think Helena is very much in love with Dylan but is protecting herself from getting hurt over and over again and that’s why she was seeking love with Raquel. I do think she loves Raquel but no to the extend she loves Dylan. She really has some sorting out to do who she wants to be with : Dylan with the fear of always getting hurt or Raquel with the certainty she will be loved unconditionally. I know how hard it must be to be torn between those two women but no one else but her can make the decision.Now as to JC’s comment I don’t fully agree with you. Helena might look to sex as a form of love but I think she is confusing the two because she has never had real love in her life and most of all she never had the love of her mother and that is something that can damage you for life. I guess because of the lack of mother love Helena is totally messed up and that’s why she is not good at relationships. I think she’s always frightened to be abandonned the way she was abandonned by her mother when she was still a small child. I also think that ‘s why she confuses every act of intimacy that a person makes to her as being an act of love. In my opinion Helena needs counceling to sort out her feelings and to make her understand there are different kinds of love. I really feel sorry for her cause I think deep down inside she must feel very lonely and is yearning for someone to love her unconditionally and who won’t hurt her or abandon her. I truly hope she’ll make the right decision and chose for the one she knows will always love her no matter what. (ps and I don’t think it’s Dylan, sorry my trust in that woman is none and chemistry doesn’t count here)
I completely agree with Belena about the fact that Helena doesn’t really know what ‘Love’ truly is cause she has never felt it before completely and might not recognize it… but the other side of the coin is… she is not open to talk about Love in any capacity beyond her own limited understanding… so she cannot give unconditionally something doesn’t understand… and the love for a mother to her children is different then that of a love for a woman to another woman on anyone for that matter… I think even reading into it Helena’s ‘love’ for her children seems a little superficial and that might be due to her lack of exposure to them as they were growing up… hmmmmmm… but you are right… like I said I have a certain Allusion that I think of towards Helena when it comes to ‘love’… maybe I’ll share it… JC
I’ll come back latter and comment I got nothin right now, sniff, sniff. Thank you, Md
whats going to happen to them now…Raquel and Helena seem to fit likewise so do Dylan and Helena.I dont know who to root for im undetermined i hope i will soon know who i want to end up together or if Helena is better off on her own.
Soooo bittersweet! I definitely won’t attempt to weigh in on the debate on Helena’s view of love and her whys….it is always more complicated than we can fathom. I think she cares deeply for both of them, but I believe there is something deep within her that Dylan touched in their very short time together…as such, Dylan occupies a highly guarded emotional space within her and it sets boundaries on the level at which she can engage intimately with anyone…in this case, Raquel. I think had she not had the experience with Dylan, she could have truly fallen for Raquel…However, she may not have been interested in Raquel…or she may not have been a woman who was so emotionally wounded..vulnerable, inaccessible, yet open…seeking yet withholding…and she in turn may not have intrigued Raquel so intensely…or been aperson in which Raquel would open herself so intimately… The way you have brought Raquel to life has been quite beautiful and honestly I really can see how they would fit into each other’s lives. However, since Dylan and Helena haven’t really explored it…they keep exploding (lol!), I have no idea of whether they can take any of this past the boudoir…and rightfully so they need to find out. I really like the fact that in this story Helena really isn’t hiding anything from anyone. As painful as it is, she is being honest. I can appreciate that everytime! Sooooo I will hush now and thank you for sharing your gift with us and for giving us alternate paths to this lovely story. PPS
I am beginning to understand JC’s comments about Helena not bearing her soul. He’s right. Although Helena is the central figure I have not really developed her personal story. I assumed Helena as the show gave her to us and that everyone would make their own conclusions about her and her state of mind after season 5. Being that I had to “sell” Raquel and Dylan as suitable lovers I put much more time into developing their stories. I suppose in ending option “B” I can bring Helena’s state of mind and experience into Squirly-world more. That might help understand why she would take, what I think, is really a riskier choice…Thanks JC for making me think once more….
We have seen Helena go joyfully from woman to woman.She was not ever hurt but by one. If Dylan was never. Rachael would be the one to win and keep her heart and be so loved by helena,My heart tlls me that Dylan will be her soulmate. thanks
The question of “love” as raised by BeL and JC is interesting. Who is to judge how another person defines love? Love is a feeling. You can’t touch it. You experience it. There certainly are tons of different types of love and I think love for a person changes overtime. That passion you feel when you meet someone is entirely a chemical reaction and that is actually measurable by biologic and radiologic makers. But that deeper more sustaining “love” is not measurable by any means other than a person’s expression and demonstration.
Hello Again… I guess one of the things I over look especially as time has continued to move on is that this does exist somewhat within the confines of the ‘Cannon’ of the show… for me your writing is so organic that it takes on a life of its own and the pre-establishment is nothing compared to what you bring out… one of the other things I feel is that within the context of the four seasons in which she was on… we know absolutely nothing about her besides a few of her liaisons and her mother… she has two children and pretty much nothing else… so when I read your story and how you have magically crafted both Dylan and Raquel I feel a need to be critical of Helena… and this is in no way an attack on your writing for you are an incredible writer… I see it as a part of the over all ‘make up’ that makes up Helena’s personality… I think she naturally hides who she is because the fears that run so predominantly within her soul… maybe it is due to her lack of exposure to certain kinds of ‘love’ maybe she finds it easier to shelter her soul… the one allusion I have held to Helena is that she reacts like someone who has been abused… maybe this is something that has happened to her in her past… or maybe something as recent as her jail stint… but its deep enough to have her hold ‘Sex’ and ‘the Physical’ as some kind of substitution for ‘Love’… I truly believe she realizes that she has experienced ‘real’ love… but she hasn’t been about to put it in the proper context… whether it is the love she has been give from Dylan… or Raquel… or her Friends… or her children… she has a hard time placing it in the proper context… hmmmmm… My passionate Friend… you are an incredible Gift… your words inspire me to think and dig within my soul and try to understand how the human soul really works… you inspire me, much love and hugs, JC
I have so much to say about where this story has taken me and what others have to say about it. I don’t know if I’ll be able to express fully my feelings about this story. Squirl, you do something that I don’t think many authors have the ability to do. You spark such controversy and discussion with your stories. There is always such a deep emotional response to your writing, whether positive of negative.As much as I want Helena with Dylan, this chapter was totally hot, but also extremely emotional. When I began reading JC’s comment, I was in complete disagreement. But after reading his entire response, his argument won me over. As usual, I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Ultimately, I’ll have to read both endings before I make my decision as to whom I prefer as Helena’s choice.
Oh. Laughs. I have so many things to say! Haha. I think that it’s easy to forgive someone, but it’s not so easy to forget. ((: Ok ok, three comments is enough I think! Haha.
Squirly-Whirly, you know I don’t really like Dylan, but your story really made me find a more human side to this one dimmensional character. But after reading this story till the end, I have to say that my heart really aches for Raquel. I’m glad that you are going to do two endings for this story. (: I was actually considering doing two endings for Bisous. Laughs! ((: Great minds. Ah well, I look forward to your other ending. ((: In this one, I’m glad that Hels and Raquel found each other through this beautiful disaster. Well, as for Dylan…ahem. (: I have no doubt your writing will win me over with that ending as well. ((: Looking forward, looking forward. ((:
Oh yes, I also wanted to say that I do believe the most powerful love is the love that you can bring yourself to let go of. (: I feel that that is what Raquel has for Helena. The kind of unconditional, giving love. To want Helena to only be happy with which ever choice she makes. ((: