Carmen P.O.V

I’m sitting on the plane and I’m going back to the one place that I promised myself that I would never go to again. I’m going back to L.A. I’ve been living in New York for the past two years trying to escape the memories of her, our friends, and the pity filled looks that I would receive from my family. In whistler after Alice told me that she wasn’t  showing up I couldn’t believe it. I sat in that tent in shock for ours. The guests were leaving but not before giving me their condolences as if somebody had died and in a way somebody did. I died the old Carmen is a thing of the past. My mother finally got me to leave and once we were on the way to the airport I finally cried. I cried loud gut wrenching cries and I couldn’t stop.  I layed in bed for weeks unable to eat or even take care of myself. It was like I was the walking dead. Everyday my mother would talk bad about her as if that made me feel better it only made me feel worse. It took me a month of self pitying to finally come to the conclusion that it was time for me to leave here. It wasn’t healthy for me to be around here so I packed my stuff up and left. I never went back to the house that we shared. I just left all my equipment there. I just came to New York and decided to start new. I started to get better mentally and I was actually somewhat happy that was until my mother called me to come back home. She said that my abuela was sick and my little sister was having a baby. She said that now was the time to be around family. I had planned to never come back to just call, write, and have them visit me but now I had no choice. I was on the plane heading back to everything that reminded me of her and our life together or lack thereof.

Shane P.O.V

I wake up in a cold sweat from the same dream that I’ve had for the past two years. I see Carmen in a white dress and I run to her but no matter how fast I run she gets further and further away.

“Are you ok baby.”

I look over and see the naked frame of the girl that I meet up with at the club and groan in agony. I want her out of here now and I don’t even know why she is here to begin with.

“Can you leave?”

She looks at me like she hurts but at this point I don’t care. I watch her leave and I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m angry with myself for engaging in meaningless sex again but more angry that I can’t get this dream out my head. Every time I sleep I am paying for the mistake that I made 2 years ago. I tried to move on from Carmen but I couldn’t. Paige was what I thought Shay would have wanted but it was never meant to be and Molly was sort of like an infatuation. I liked her a lot but her mother ended that and I didn’t even fight for her.  I just let her go. I still dream of Carmen it’s like I have been in purgatory for the last two years. Happy some days and fucked up the most. All I want is a second chance to make it right. If I could just see her again I know that I could fix it somehow. But I fucked up and go back to sleep knowing that her face will be haunting my dreams.

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