After someone talked me through those moments, Jules and Diane would come and stay with me. I would take some medicine, and then, for a few weeks after, I would go through sessions with Dan.

But this morning, as I’d pulled Harley closer and she’d responded by gently tightening her arms around my neck, and I braced for the inexorable advance of remembered, paralyzing pain to take over my reality, as they’d done in the past whenever those thoughts had escaped my memory vaults, a miracle happened. I’d felt the deadly edge of those memories dull and gradually disappear even as they floated over me, over us.

As Harley and I embraced, I’d realized that while I still had those memories, and yes, they remained sad — they no longer hurt as much now that I was enveloped safely in my beloved’s protective warmth.  

Harley! Without even knowing it, she was beginning to work miracles in my life.

I relaxed with a deep, grateful sigh, and then I’d covered Harley’s warm, soft lips with mine and had given her a deep, heartfelt kiss. Before long, the tears that had fallen from her eyes mingled with mine. It was as if she’d understood what had just happened to me; what I’d just realized about the nascent power of our relationship.

I’d drawn my head back first, and we’d gazed at each other for what felt like eons.

“Harley, I have to explain a few things.”

She’d remained quiet. And after a few seconds she’d asked a simple one-word question, “Chris?”

I’d nodded. “I admit I thought for the longest time that I would never love again, after Chris. She was the first one I’d let into my heart, who was not family, but who became more than blood, you know? We fell crazily in love, shared a life.”

“Things were good, despite our worries about her cancer, and we resolved to make the most of our time together. After each round of therapy that we thought had worked, at least for a time, we celebrated with a party or a trip somewhere – our friends joined.”

“I’d never let many people into my life, to begin with, so, as with Nana, and then my mom and dad, I loved and trusted and was devoted to her. Everyone had been happy for me; for us, even though they’d been privately anxious about her cancer.”