Damn you Gail!

Oh God, it hurt!

Why did she let herself do these things? Why? When she had heard that all of division fifteen and every other available cop in the city was suiting up as if to go to war, fear had driven her back to see Gail. Who was she fooling? She was the one who needed comfort! She was the one who needed to lay eyes on that bright star of a girl who had stolen her heart. What the hell did she expect anyway?

Tea.

What she needed right now was a nice calming cup of tea. She rummaged around in her bag to find the package of green dragon, jasmine tea, she had picked up on her way in to work this morning, and the tea ball she always kept with her. When the electric kettle started to whistle, she realized she wasn’t alone in the break room. There was a conversation going on between several of her colleagues behind her about how that cop who had been kidnapped earlier had been found. There would be no rest for them tonight if the bodies from the raid that was about to go down started rolling in, so they had all better grab dinner now while they still could.

Oh no!

Gail!

Holly felt like someone had just hit her hard in the stomach with a live wire.

Shit!

She grabbed her tea and started to rush back to her office.

“Hey Dr. Stewart!” Dave, one of the entomology interns called out to her, “We’re going to order out for pizza. Are you in?”

She had to get out of here before she started to lose it completely!

“Uh, yeah, no thanks, I’m all set.” She managed while heading for the door.

“Are you sure?” He replied.

“Yup. All set. Thanks!” She pushed passed him and ran to her office, shutting the door behind her.

“What the hell is up with her?” she heard him mutter on her way out.

She put down her tea and began to pace, clenching and unclenching her fists as she went. She was trying to breathe, but the air was too thick. She must have picked up and put down her phone at least five time in the matter of so many minutes when it began to ring.

Gail!

Oh, thank goodness!

“Holly. Hey.” Gail’s voice was soft and full of emotion.

“Hey, listen, I’m really sorry…” Holly began

“No, Holly, you listen!” Gail stated firmly, “Chris said I should call you. And he was right, and I haven’t got much time…”

“Ok…” She replied

“I know I upset you earlier. You know, at the station…” Gail continued.

“It’s ok Gail, I get it. I’m sorry if I read too much into what happened earlier…” Holly sighed, hardly believing she was back peddling like this.

“No. You didn’t.” Gail took a deep breath, “Listen, I need to say this now because I might never get another chance, and I need you to know…”

“Don’t say that!” Holly interrupted.

“Just listen!” Gail cut her off, “It’s not that you… that we… well you know… it’s that if I let you touch me…” Gail took another deep breath, “If I let you in… let you hold me… like I wanted to… well… I had to stay strong… keep it together… you know? I have to do this…”

“Ok.” Holly said in a shaky voice, her heart beating wildly.

“Look, in three minutes, we are all going to stack up against the door of this church and walk into God knows what.” Gail cut her off again, “I just needed you to know it’s not because I care about what anyone else thinks… if that’s what you think… I care about you for fuck’s sake!”

Holly felt a giant jolt in her solar plexus. She was just about to say something when the noise behind Gail got suddenly louder.

“Look, ETF just got into formation. I gotta go! I’ll call you later if I can.” Gail hung up, leaving Holly to stare in stunned silence at the phone in her hand.