I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want my words of admiration thought of as his. I had no desire to be in the same room with him and pretend to celebrate something I was against. I said yes. I really had no choice. It was for her after all.

—–

The next day I pulled out my beaten up song book. Every word on every page was about her. Flipping through the pages brought back memories. Memories that once caused me to smile with undying happiness. The same happiness that had slowly been replaced with hidden jealousy and hatred.

Our relationship had been years in the making, starting the summer before our senior year at King. She changed me that year. In a way I thought no one would ever be able to. She was the first to give instead of take from me. She taught me how to trust. I had cleaned up my act, stopped sleeping around, and managed to graduate with decent marks. All because I was hopelessly in love with her.

We did everything that two best friends could possibly do together. Movies, dinner, sleep overs. Each day my love and respect for her growing. She taught me to love without even realizing it. For that I would be forever grateful. I was able to love her from afar, without her knowing.

I sighed. Looking back, I missed the days before everything changed. Before she told me she loved me. That she was in love with me but couldn’t be with me.

My hands found the page I was looking for. The song I had written after our first night together. As I reread the words that were etched into my mind, I thought of that night. I would never forget it, it was the most beautiful experience of my life. Not wanting to scare her I went slow. I took time to worship her body, making every touch count. I asked nothing of her. I wanted to be able to show her just how much I loved her and would always love her. At that time I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to do it again. But that night unleashed a whole new world in our relationship. We went from friendship to something that was intensely passionate and left us both wanting more. I was happier than I could ever imagine being, even though it was all behind closed doors. It didn’t matter, I had the love of my life and she loved me back.

Things changed when they began dating. I was prepared for it. What I wasn’t prepared for was the way my heart would break after each time we made love and she left to return to him. It broke into a million pieces, and each time she shut the door she took another piece with her.

And now I was preparing to end it. I couldn’t take the hurt anymore. I would perform at their party and move on with my life.