"Well, you’re only fourteen Ash, that doesn’t say much at all…" Bianca started to protest, her girlfriend was two years younger than she was, she had the whole world at her feet to find someone else to fall in love with and at times it scared her, maybe she was the first, but she wouldn’t be the last. But Ashley’s lips were on her’s, cutting off any sounds of doubt or protest.

"It says everything." With that, Ashley went to get a glass of water.

"You’re the first girl I’ve ever dreamed of marrying."

"It says everything."

"Spence, stop….stop," I pulled her hand out from my pants and bit my tongue to keep from crying. Those words were ringing in my head, happiness no longer felt right.

"What is it?" She asked me, how I wanted to tell her. I wanted to cry, I wanted her to know it all. This wasn’t some quick damn screw, this was me moving on, not TRYING to forget but TRYING to accept. How do you do that without guilt? How do you accept that the love someone felt for YOU cost them their life? I was a coward, I was wrong, I didn’t deserve Spencer, not as anything, not even as a friend.

But there she was, looking down at me softly, almost as if she cared, almost as if she wanted to just talk…and she did, she truly did.

"I just, you’re not ready." I told her, yes it was true, she had a lot to deal with and would have a hell of a lot to go through after doing what we had done tonight. But it was really me, I wasn’t ready. Not only because our whole situation was odd, not only because two people that loved each other tremendously had just had what was on the surface meaningless sex but on the inside something special, but because I couldn’t forgive myself.

She sighed, she knew I would say something like that, but I think she was nervous enough to agree. So she threw a leg over one of mine rested her head on my shoulder and rubbed my stomach lightly, just touching my skin to keep the warmth, the contact.

I kissed her forehead a few times, the smell of her calmed me, "I love you Spence," I needed her to know it, I would never EVER make that mistake again.

"I love you too," she said with a kiss to my neck.

I smiled, I kissed her again, and as she drifted off to sleep early that morning, I cried silently.

My tears for Bianca fell silently onto Spencer.