As I worked on the food, Edward was content to watch me, though I could see concern in his eyes. As the chicken cooked in the microwave, I decided I wanted to stretch my legs. We walked out onto the massive back porch, which afforded us a view of the Olympic mountain range.  As we walked, I could feel Edward watching me, like I was a bomb about to explode. I finally had enough and spoke, “What is it Edward?”

He looked at me with as though he were trying to unmask a mystery. I began to get a bit irritated.

“Edward, would you please either talk to me, or stop staring at me? You’re making me feel like a freak in a side show!” He continued to look without speaking, and I’d had enough. “Fine,” I hissed. I turned to storm back to the kitchen.

Edward grabbed me, and held me from behind for a few moments. He turned me around and held his forehead against mine, and said gently, “Bella, I’m sorry; I am just so confused by what’s happened. I don’t know what it means. You know, you have always been worried about being like the newborn Bree, and of course, we expected your behavior to be somewhat wild. It’s what we were prepared for. But you seem so focused, so controlled. The vials of blood would have sent any newborn into a feeding frenzy. It’s unheard of Bella, and I don’t know, I guess I’m nervous. Your being in such command of yourself I wasn’t prepared for. It’s wonderful of course, but it feels so precarious. It’s hard to be comfortable with it. Can you understand?”

“Yes,” I said calmly, “I understand.”

I did understand him, but I was still a bit irritated, more than I should have been.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you, I just want to help you through this transition, and I feel unprepared to do it.”

I could see that, though Edward did not see himself as the paragon of all things capable that I did. He was used to an exacting control of himself and his environment. Ever since he had met me however, his well-ordered world had been thrown off kilter. It had been my hope, and his expectation I was sure, that once I was immortal like him, my cosmic short circuits would work themselves out; that I would fall into the familiar patterns of the Cullen family. Apparently, that was not going to be the case, and despite Carlisle’s scientific enthusiasm, it disturbed Edward. I felt like I was a disappointment and I was afraid that none of my expectations of being an acceptable partner for my husband would be realized.