The moment that her heart stops beating will be the most bittersweet moment of my existence. Her heart beat is in a way my own. She is still alive, and as selfish as it is for me to admit it, I find that I am living through her. Her heart is beating for both of us, and when her humanity ceases to exist anymore it will be because of me. Her biggest gift in this world will be ripped from her unjustly in order for her to present me with the biggest gift in my world ; her.

She thinks of her self far too little. She is so caught up in pleasing me, and when she does focus on her own desires, usually it is a desire that I also entertain. Just to think that a short time ago I had been without her makes me cringe. How could I have made through every day without this beautiful and undeniably precious being at my side.

She is my life, now. Nothing else matters to me as much as she does, but I don’t deserve this happiness she so selflessly gifts me with. I am a monster, and she is an angel. Every moment I spend with her is turning heaven against hell and rearranging the plans set out for both of us.

But I can’t leave her, ever again. My love for her is now the biggest part of me, and to remove that part would undoubtedly result in my painful and lonely demise.

I depend on her for a reason to live now. Is this as wrong as it feels?

 
I set down the open pages and turned back to the door as Edward walked in. His eyes looked from me to the large notebook sitting open before me and smiled sheepishly.

“Reading my journal, Bella?”

“Is that what this is?”

“Yes.”

“It’s beautiful.” I admitted.

“Of course it is, its about you.” He chuckled back.

“How do you know, I could have been reading about something else.” I pointed out hopefully.

“No, Bella. You couldn’t have. I never began writing in that journal until I met you. In fact, the first entry is on the very day I met you.”

“Do you still write in it now?” I asked.