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    Memories – (Chapter: Broken Hearts)

     

                “That day I had decided that you were worth it to me.  I made a deal with myself that if you had asked me to stay, I would have.  I would have given up my dream for you, because without you, I didn’t feel like there was a ‘me’.  I had already left everything I had ever known for you once.  I would have done it again, I actually loved you.  I loved you with all my heart.”

     

                “I loved yo-”

     

                “Don’t you dare say that you loved me.  You don’t know the meaning of the word.  If you did, Spencer, you would not have gone to NYU.  You would not have taken the internship and you would not have let me go.  I never would have done any of that to you, because you meant too much to me.  I put you first above everything, every single day.  Most days I was lucky to make second to you.  Then the one time, ONE TIME SPENCER, that I asked you to do something for me, you turn your back on me and run away.”  And I think I can not feel any worse.  It might not hurt so badly if every single word she is saying were not true, but they are and I deserve the wrath. 

     

                “I’m sorry.”  It is weak and pathetic, but it is all I can say.  I have no defense.  She is right; I have no right to be here.  I have no right to ask her for anything. 

     

                “Sorry?  You’re sorry?  I’m glad to hear it. Now I’ll be able to sleep at night.”

     

                “You don’t understand.  I have nothing else.  I can’t defend my actions.  I wouldn’t want to.  They were despicable and I am so ashamed of them.  I threw away the best thing I had in my life, for my own selfishness and stupidity.  All I can offer you is an apology from the bottom of my broken heart.”

     

                “Broken heart?  You want to talk about broken hearts?  Wake up to a note that says ‘goodbye’ from the person you have loved for seven years and then we will talk about broken hearts.  Try hearing the words ‘pack your things and go, but I’m not coming with you’.  I didn’t break your heart Spencer; I took extra special care of yours.  You on the other hand took mine, stuck it in a blender and hit ‘liquefy’.”  I have to connect with her; I can’t take the distance.  I reach quickly for her hand and grab it.  This is the soft touch I have been missing.  “Don’t touch me.”  She shakes her hand free just as quickly and I become hysterical crying.  She just stares at me, only displaying anger.

     

                 “Ashley, I know there isn’t much that I can say to you right now that would even begin to take away the pain I have caused you, but whether you want to believe it or not I did love you; I have never stopped loving you.”

     

                “You loved me so much that you waited five years to find me.  That is a long time, Spencer.  We are different people now, we have different lives.”

     

                My tears cease as I find anger as well.  “Then why are you here Ashley?  Huh?  Why did you come after me?  If you don’t still love me then why are you still standing here?”

     

                “You’re absolutely right.”  And I watch as she turns and walks away.  I can’t believe it.  I have come full circle.  I am watching myself make the same mistake I had already made so many times with her.  I watch as I let her get away.

               

                “Damn it!”  I take off after her.  I am running full speed, because I have to catch her before she gets into her car.  I see her search her purse for her keys.  She doesn’t look concerned and that bothers me.  She knows that I will not come after her.  She knows that she doesn’t mean that much to me. But I know, that she knows nothing.  She finds her keys and clicks open the locks.  She pulls the handle up and begins opening the door as I come flying in from behind, putting my hand above her to close it. 

     

                “Don’t go.”  She turns around quickly and I breathe deeply at the sudden proximity.  She holds her ground though and it does not seem to affect her.  She returns my stare before speaking.

     

                “It’s too late, Spencer.”

    Page 2 of 212

    Comments

    1. god you scared me… scared me as hell!!! please stop posting such short stories !!! it’s too hard to not know what’s coming next!!! Anyway, i love what you do. tHANKS !!!

    2. are you kidding me? you are going to stop writing one of the better SON stories and make us all wait. have you not seen the crap on the L word. i need good stuff like this to offset the crap from that show. dude… i am begging you to not make us wait. thats like two months. i need some type of motivation to get me through the last two months of school.anyway i loved this chapter. dude ash is so angry. i hope its all just an act. well i mean its not but eventually i hope she forgives spencer. but yes i love your story and i beg you not to make us wait. until your return thanks for all the great updates thus far.

    3. oh heeellllllllllll no!! wtf?! i cant believe you did that…but i guess me getting angry wont change anything…its great and i look forward to next weekend…but come on….thats cruel.

    4. WWWWOOOOAAAHH! When I saw you were gonna make us wait til May 31, first I thought, “Hey! That’s my birthday! What a nice b-day present!” then I realized, “WHAT?!? That’s too freaking far away!!! AHHH!!!’ and then I scrolled down. WHEW! LOL You know, I’m glad that you have Ashley putting up a fight. It’s *much* more realistic and damn it, for all the pain Spencer put Ashley through, Spencer *should* have to fight pretty darn hard to win Ashley back & show her that she can be as good as a girlfriend to Ashley as Ashely was to her. Ashley gave up a heck of a lot in her life for Spencer where as Spencer didn’t do shit..and now she’s gotta pay for it! The line about putting Ashley’s heart in a blender and hitting ‘liquefy’ was absolutely classic. GREAT line! Can’t wait for more!!!!

    5. make spencer work for that. i’m glad its not some corny neat unrealistic running through the sunflower field with harps playing in the background kind of getting back together. not only was it a bad break up but its also 5 years. 5 years is enough time to fall out of love, become a different person and move the hell on. lol. so on with the cardiac arrest rendering drama =) good job as always.

    6. god you scared me… scared me as hell!!! please stop posting such short stories !!! it’s too hard to not know what’s coming next!!! Anyway, i love what you do. tHANKS !!!

    7. are you kidding me? you are going to stop writing one of the better SON stories and make us all wait. have you not seen the crap on the L word. i need good stuff like this to offset the crap from that show. dude… i am begging you to not make us wait. thats like two months. i need some type of motivation to get me through the last two months of school.anyway i loved this chapter. dude ash is so angry. i hope its all just an act. well i mean its not but eventually i hope she forgives spencer. but yes i love your story and i beg you not to make us wait. until your return thanks for all the great updates thus far.

    8. oh heeellllllllllll no!! wtf?! i cant believe you did that…but i guess me getting angry wont change anything…its great and i look forward to next weekend…but come on….thats cruel.

    9. WWWWOOOOAAAHH! When I saw you were gonna make us wait til May 31, first I thought, “Hey! That’s my birthday! What a nice b-day present!” then I realized, “WHAT?!? That’s too freaking far away!!! AHHH!!!’ and then I scrolled down. WHEW! LOL You know, I’m glad that you have Ashley putting up a fight. It’s *much* more realistic and damn it, for all the pain Spencer put Ashley through, Spencer *should* have to fight pretty darn hard to win Ashley back & show her that she can be as good as a girlfriend to Ashley as Ashely was to her. Ashley gave up a heck of a lot in her life for Spencer where as Spencer didn’t do shit..and now she’s gotta pay for it! The line about putting Ashley’s heart in a blender and hitting ‘liquefy’ was absolutely classic. GREAT line! Can’t wait for more!!!!

    10. make spencer work for that. i’m glad its not some corny neat unrealistic running through the sunflower field with harps playing in the background kind of getting back together. not only was it a bad break up but its also 5 years. 5 years is enough time to fall out of love, become a different person and move the hell on. lol. so on with the cardiac arrest rendering drama =) good job as always.

    11. HAHAH, such a kidder you…::winkwink::…of course they’re gonna get back together…right? RIGHT!! They just have to=> Please don’t make us wait TOO long;)

    12. HAHAH, such a kidder you…::winkwink::…of course they’re gonna get back together…right? RIGHT!! They just have to=> Please don’t make us wait TOO long;)

    13. OMG! dont do that to me. My heart almost failed. GoD! for a couple of seconds there i thought i would have to wait till Friday to find out what the hell happens now. i dont know if i could survive that. post more soon!!!

    14. OMG! dont do that to me. My heart almost failed. GoD! for a couple of seconds there i thought i would have to wait till Friday to find out what the hell happens now. i dont know if i could survive that. post more soon!!!

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