I was doing to Jenny the same thing that Ashley was doing to me.  I would hold my cell phone wherever I was just in case Ashley called, but every time it rang it was not who I wanted it to be and the call went to voicemail.  Finally, I surrendered to Jenny and I picked up her call.  She was casual and sweet, as she invited me out, telling me that she would not take ‘no’ for an answer.  I knew I would not win and told her to pick me up in an hour. 

We went to a party at a friend’s house in West Hollywood and I was barely through the door before I inquired about alcohol.  I needed an escape.  I needed to get away from these feelings, so drink I did.  I am not sure when, but Jenny had led me up the stairs in the gigantic house and we were sitting on a queen size bed talking.  I couldn’t help but notice how soft the bedspread was; Ashley has a bedspread like this.  I ran my hand back a forth over it and the next thing I knew Jenny was leaning into me.  She was kissing me!  Oh my god, she was kissing me!  I closed my eyes and began to kiss her back.  I am not sure what the mistake was here, kissing Jenny or the fact that while I was kissing Jenny, Ashley was the only person I could see.  I could see Ashley kissing me, but it wasn’t her.  Her kiss was different.  Her touch was different.  It wasn’t Ashley.  And as intoxicated as I was, I pushed her away, knowing at that moment just how big of a mistake I had made.  I knew that I did not want to see other people, I wanted to see Ashley.  I walked out of the house and called for a cab. 

After more unanswered phone calls, I had the driver bring me to her house. Upon arriving I saw that her car was not there.  I broke down.  The tears fell like Niagara Falls.  She was out.  She was out with someone else.  She had moved on.  The thoughts uncontrollably raced through my head.  I didn’t know what to think.  I didn’t know what to do.  I finally decided to go home.