It was 3 am and I could not sleep. The alcohol had worn off and I was laying there trying to figure out what went wrong.  I couldn’t.  And it was eating me up.  I had to go for a drive.  I had a destination.  I hoped it would help.  I made my way through the winding back roads and pulled into a small, not often frequented clearing we had discovered about a year ago.  This was our place and I had to come here.  I park my car and begin walking up the short path to the overlook, but I was instantly paralyzed.  I froze in my tracks when I notice her car parked there as well.  When I reach the top I see her.  She is sitting on the large flat rock, legs out straight and crossed, leaning back on her arms as she stared silently at the city below.  She didn’t hear me walk up, she felt me. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked without diverting her focus from the glistening lights below.  Her voice was neutral and difficult to read.

            “I’m sorry,” were the only words that I could seem to formulate.  I climbed up the rock and mimicked her sitting position about a foot away from her.  Much to my surprise she did not move or try to leave, but she would not look at me. I knew I needed to give her an explanation. 

            “I don’t know how I could possibly have thought I could ever want anyone but you.  I have been miserable without you.  I love you so much.”

            “Did you sleep with her?”  She was still using a voice hard to interpret.  At least if she yelled it I would have know how she felt. 

            “No.  She kissed me tonight, but I stopped it.  I stopped it, because you were all I could see.  I realized I would have made the biggest mistake of my life.”

            “Why?”  I knew she was referring to the need to see someone else in the first place.

            “I don’t know.”  I had spent hours trying to think of an answer to that question.  “Things got rough and I panicked.  I was not sure how to handle it and I thought it was what I wanted, but it wasn’t.”  There was a long silence.

            “I was hoping you would show up here,” she said, still staring ahead, “I kept going over in my mind what I would say to you.  And now that you are here, I can not think of a single thing that I had wanted to say.  I am just so happy that you are here.”  A single tear rolled down her cheek.  I shifted closer to her and reached across to wipe the tear away with my thumb, then I pulled her face toward me, forcing her to look in (into?) my eyes.  I forced her to see how sorry I was.  I forced her to see how much I loved her.  Her eyes closed and more tears escaped.

            “I love you too.”

            I leaned over to her and kissed her like never before, expressing all the need and want and passion one person could possibly feel for another, and she responded in kind.

~

Even remembering the passion of that night gives me chills as I unconsciously press my fingertips to my mouth, trying to feel her kiss.  A rebellious tear escapes my eye and a small smile graces my lips.  It felt like I was really there, it felt like I was really laying on that rock with her, talking all through the night and leaning my head onto her shoulder as we watched the beautiful sunrise.  When I closed my eyes I could feel her warmth around me and I did not want it to go away.