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    Now life can really start – (Chapter: Intro)

    My name is Spencer Carlin, im 24 years old. I have been gay all my life, but been closeted coz im scared of my mother, and what she would do and say to me. To please my mum, ive dated guys, and even that has resulted in a slap, so feel like i cant win. My mum is very old school, she says to me all the time, White people should be with white people, black people with black people and men with women, etc, no other way.

     At school i went out with guys but didnt feel anything towards them, but at the time i thought it was the right thing to do coz of what my mum had always told me.

     My first ever proper relationship with anyone was with a very beautiful girl, her name was Ashley Davies. I was so crazy in love with her. We were only 14, so were still at school, we were in different clicks at school too, but we knew we loved each other, and made it work. It also helped we lived in the same street and our mums were best friend, which meant we saw each other pretty much from end of school till we went to bed, and all day at weekends. It worked with us for about a year, but we had kept us a secret coz we knew what people would say, especially with us being so young. Still to this day i dont think either of us has told anyone about us, and we have not even spoke about it to each other. We stayed friends, but it was hard, and different. When we left school we drifted apart. It broke my heart, but i had to go on as if everything was fine.

     When i left school i went to college. This is where i met my best friend Madison. She was the first person i ever came ‘out’ too, and she was fine with it. We studied at college for 3 years, during this time i had a part time job, which i didnt enjoy much, a shop across from where i currently worked was advertising for part time staff, i went and had a look, got and interview and got the job. This is where i met Mark, he was the first guy out of school to show me attention, and i fell for it, and we became an item. Mum found out and was not best pleased, coz he was black, and i got a slap. I was only 17, and living under her roof, so had no choice but to break up with him. He left not long after we broke up.

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