“yes you do…he will always be your dad Ashley…” she told me

About two weeks later was the funeral and Spencer was right by my side…the funeral was one of the few times I let her in…other than that I locked myself in my bedroom.

“I know many of you see my father as this major ground breaker in the music industry, but he was the ground breaking father in my life. He was more than any of you will get to see, and I remember he used to be at every one of my softball games, and when there were days when I was so mad at him he’d sit all the way in back where I couldn’t see him…” I said and everyone laughed a little “…sure there were times I was mad out of teenage rage, but that anger could never compare to the love I have for my dad. He was and still is my hero…he looked to music as the light, and I’m trying to do the same…” I finished and everyone was quiet…

We buried him and Spencer was holding my hand the whole time, we went back to my house and I had to try and put on a happy face for everyone. It reached the point though where I couldn’t take it anymore…so I went out back and sat by myself in my black dress, then Spencer came outside and sat next to me

“please have the brains not to ask me how I feel right now…” I said

“ok…I wont…” she said “…if you need company then I’ll sit here with you…”

“company’s overrated…” I told her “…but its fine when it’s with you…” I added realizing I was being a bit harsh

“look Ash…it’ll be ok…it just takes time and…and you’re strong…” she said holding my hand then I let it go

“Spencer stop it…” I told her “…I need space ok? I know we were on good terms, but I can’t tell my dad I love him why would I tell anyone else?” I snapped at her then I got up “you have no idea what I’m going though so just leave it.” I said walking away