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    Reluctance – (Chapter: My Arms Weak And Can’t Hold You)

    "I have never been without sex for more than week, in like, 2 years! How can you say it’s ‘not so bad’?" She says, continuing to rant about her decision.

    "As I remember this is your choice, not mine." I laugh.

    "But you’re saying it’s not so bad, but you have no idea." she pouts, folding her arms and squints as I’m sure pain shoots through her arm.

    I rub her arm gently and kiss it better, "You’re right, I don’t. I’m not addicted-"

    "Are you saying it wasn’t good?! Cause I swear if you do, you’re the first and I will never do you again." she says with a stern look and I have to laugh again. She’s funny when her pride has been questioned.

    "I never said that, I’m just saying that it won’t be heart breaking if it means things will get better…….. that we’ll get better." I squeeze her hand and she finally gives me a genuine smile.

    At first I was scared, I had so many scenarios running through my head of all the ways she would break up with me. I was so wrong though, it’s as if she wants to make a deeper commitment with me and……. it has butterflies in my stomach doing flips and twirls and they’re throwing streamers……… okay that sounds like it could hurt so we’ll just go with it makes me feel so much better.

    "What are you thinking about?" she says stroking my cheek.

    I tell her to scoot over and I lay next to her with my head on her shoulder and my arms tightly around her waist. "I was thinking that I would love to hold you again," I look up at her and give her puppy dog eyes and her eyes get wide.

    "Wha- Uhm……. I don’t-" I silence her with my lips and pull her close to me.

    "Let me be strong for you Ash, let me hold you so you don’t fall anymore."

    She just stares into my eyes as tears come to hers. She places a hand over her eyes and I can tell she’s trying hard not to break again. She trying to hard I think and I pul her hand away and scoot up to where I’m face to face with her. As a tear slides down her cheek I kiss it away and pull her to me so I can place a kiss on her lips as well. She just turns away though and it strikes me hard but I know what she’s doing.

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    Comments

    1. hhaha me want go sleepy sleep on my booby pillows…lmao that was awsome :) Good update girl….i loved it…Paula kinda weirded me out a little with all the acceptance tho…w/e post more soon!

    2. Ashley sleep talking, now there is something Justin Timberlake and her have in common.HAHA.” Uh huh, specially since I have booby pillows.” I’m def. going to put that on my Myspace headline. Keep it up, Girl!! Please post very, very soon!?!

    3. hhaha me want go sleepy sleep on my booby pillows…lmao that was awsome :) Good update girl….i loved it…Paula kinda weirded me out a little with all the acceptance tho…w/e post more soon!

    4. Ashley sleep talking, now there is something Justin Timberlake and her have in common.HAHA.” Uh huh, specially since I have booby pillows.” I’m def. going to put that on my Myspace headline. Keep it up, Girl!! Please post very, very soon!?!

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