I sat on my bed, watching the stars shine in the night. It’s the third night I can’t sleep, and the second day I haven’t eaten a thing. I’ve tried, but it just comes back up. My parents and brothers are worried that I’ve come down with something. They’re right but it’s not what they think…… I’m in love and my heart’s been broken. What hurts worse is that she cried in front of me for the first time. She usually runs off and cries alone, and I’ve respected that. I knew I couldn’t bare to see it myself, and now that it has happened I laugh at myself for underestimating the feeling this all would bring.

I may be the cause of our break-up, but she is the reason I made that choice. I have to keep thinking that, even though I am still waiting here for her. Why, I dunno, because I know once she’s pushed away she quits. I pushed hard too, I shoved her physically across her room when she tried to grab me and stop me from walking out. And then….. her eyes…… so full of regret…… stop it Spencer…….. this is not your fault.

A shooting star falls from the sky and everything seems pointless, but still I wish on it just like always. Before my wishes were pathetic…… a car…. drivers license…… now it’s that Ashley would show up on my front door step and ask me to take her back. I’m waiting yes, expecting no.

THREE NIGHTS AGO

"Spencer, we need to talk." she had said, tears already in her eyes. I was scared at first, but when I saw the look in her eyes I knew that she wasn’t breaking up with me. When I looked closer I could see something that I’m not used to seeing in her eyes, a new emotion maybe.

"What about Ash?" I put my hand on her face so gently and when she leaned into and sobbed my heart broke at that moment so I thought.

"I’ve fucked up….. so so bad," she sobs again, but still no tears had fallen.

"If this about your promise to stay sober….." I waited for her to confirm my prediction, I smelt alcohol on her breath anyway.