I remember her entering me, and I remember her making dirty comments….and I remember passing out shortly after.

I cried for three hours when I got home. I took a shower right away, trying to get her repulsive touch off my body. I collapsed on mine and Ashley’s bed when I got out of the shower. My head was still spinning and I was still seeing color. Lots and lots of colors.

I missed Ashley. I needed her so bad at that moment, but she was in New York, for her jobs. She was meeting with some music producer and she wouldn’t be home for another two days.

I couldn’t just call her and tell her what happened over the phone. I was too afraid of her reaction. I was afraid that she was going to blame this on me, like I was doing. It was my fault, it had to be. Maybe I lead that monster on…..

I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to be friends, I’m a nice person. Maybe this was my fault. Ashley always made comments about how she didn’t like that monster. She would always talk about how the monster would look at me funny and how she probably had a crush one me.

I always shrugged it away because I didn’t believe it.

I would tell Ashley that I love her more then anything and that even if she did have a crush on me, nothing would ever happen because I didn’t want anyone but Ashley. Hell, I’m getting married to this girl next year. I love her more then anything.

Oh, fuck.

My thoughts were stopped by the vibrating of my phone. The noise startles me and I immediately jump up. I reach over and see that it’s Ashley.

“Hey,” I get out, trying to sound fine.

“Hey sweetie, I miss you,” she says.

She’s so amazing. “I miss you too,” I almost whisper.

“It’s late, I just wanted to call and say goodnight. What are you up to?”

I have to hold back all my tears because I don’t want Ashley to be suspicious. Maybe I don’t even have to tell her. Do I tell her? I don’t want her to see me as dirty. “Oh, nothing. I was just watching TV.”