“It’s a really simple answer, it’s because I love you and I want what’s best for you and I know I’m that person, I’m the best for you and I only wish you’d see it. I wish you’d forget about this Ashley and focus on me so I know these months we’ve spent together have not been a waste… So I know that deep down you do love me, maybe even a little bit.” She came to sit next to me, her voice now a mere whisper ,

“But if you want to go, I won’t stop you. If you need to be with this Ashley or sort out these ghosts that have been haunting you then go do it but you must understand that I won’t allow you to come back if you don’t find what you’re looking for or you realize you’ve made a mistake. I cannot do that to my heart.”

She patted my thigh as she stood up, “That’s all I really have to say.” She wiped her tears then took in a deep breath, “I’m going to bed now, either you join me and we go to bed together like we do every night or you leave it’s up to you now.” She moved to place a chaste kiss on my forehead then awkwardly made her way into our bedroom, closing the door behind her.

I sank back down deeper into the chair breathing in heavily as everything began to sink in I was so sure I wanted to find Ashley; I owed it to myself to know if she was alive… I needed to know if there would ever be a future for us but now I was so unsure. Looking at Kat’s face, listening to what she had to say it was all so confusing. Maybe I did love Kat? Maybe I did deserve a shot at happiness after all. Kat was handing me a second chance on a silver platter and not taking it might really make me a fool. All these thoughts were floating around in my head. It felt like ages before I stood up glancing between the front door and the bedroom. I hated having to make this decision. I looked down at my shoes, willing myself to get a move on.

I guess deep down I knew what to do, I only prayed I was making the right decision because once this was done there’d be no going back.

I moved to the lamp, switching it off the apartment now in absolute darkness and started walking towards to my tremulous future.