“You’re daydreaming.” Kat was watching me, intrigued, so often she’d interrupt my thoughts if only she knew it was never her I was thinking about.

“Sorry, it’s late you should be asleep.” I moved to get up but she moved closer to me, preventing me from fleeing the room. In an instant her arms were secure around me as she planted little kisses along my neck. I knew what she wanted, oh god intimacy it was the worst. I bit my lip hard she was the nicest girl I knew. Nicer than what I deserved – she was my girlfriend yet each time her lips touched my skin or her fingers moved to intimate places I felt violated. I felt so sick, every part of me just wanted to run away from her but I never did. Instead I returned her kisses, I quivered under her touch. I forced myself to be happy because really what other option did I have?

I started kissing her back, I could do this really I could but it all stopped the instant her thumbs made their way across my skin to my face to wipe at the tears I didn’t even know I was crying.

“Are you okay? Why are you crying?” She moved to face me, her voice so soothing.

I froze I had no idea what to say to her. I tried to control my emotions but the tears just kept coming. I could see how concerned she was which just made everything a million times worse.

“I cannot do this anymore.” She shifted in her seat, her hands finding mine.

“Can’t do what?”

“This.” I was pointing between us. I was already standing pacing between the couches. The moment the words escaped my lips I knew there was no going back, I had to get everything out in the open. This was becoming all too soul destroying.

“I’ve done some things I’m ashamed of you don’t want to be with me trust me.”

She walked towards me, smile plastered on her face, “You should let me decide that.” Her hand was on my chin forcing me to look at her.

“I love you, so much don’t do this Spence.” Her smile faded, I could tell this was the moment before her own tears would start to fall, tears I could not handle. .