"Shit, Ashley, I’m going to kill him!" I found myself stopping her, pulling her down.

"It’s not really his fault. He was just following orders. I guess we needed each other during that time. I felt guilty for Kyla, and he felt guilty for what he made me do. We needed each other." I had to convince her. Maybe I just had to convince myself.

"I so badly needed to feel pain and he… I think he had a lot of anger to deal with. We spoke a lot during that time, but afterwards, when they let me out, we never spoke about what happened. I could tell he felt even more guilty when he saw how badly he beat me, when he saw all my scars. I didn’t care though. The only thing I really cared about was that my best friend was gone, that I had killed her. I was so numb for a long time. One day, a newspaper was shoved in my room. I don’t know who left it there, but it was all about the school bombing. I was faced with pictures of the families I had destroyed, everything bad I had done. After that, I stopped feeling altogether. I became a robot. I killed anyone I was told to kill. I didn’t bat an eyelid…" I trailed off when I felt Spencer’s arms go around me, pulling me closer to her. Her head was now resting on my chest. She was my comfort in all this madness.

"My mother treated some of those students. I was too young, but I do remember wondering about the person who set that bomb off…"

I didn’t know how to react. I couldn’t tell if this was a good thing or not, but Spencer quickly put my mind at ease.

"I felt sorry for that person," she whispered.

I moved my head to look at her. Why would anyone feel sorry for someone like me?

"I worried about what would happen to you. Well, I didn’t know it was you, but I’m sure you know what I mean" I nodded. She continued.

"I figured you must’ve had a really terrible life to do something like that. I spent nights awake, locked up in my room, reading all about the killings. I had as many newspaper clippings as possible. The internet became my friend. I may have become a little obsessed." She smiled at me, her cheeks red from all the blushing.