Just in the moment I got dressed, it knocked on the door. ‘Just a second, please!’ I stuffed my blouse in my pants and closed it while walking. Then I heard the postman moving the letter slot. ‘The letter… I have to give him the letter!’ I thought. ‘Yeah, just throw it in, I’m there in a second; and please wait, I’d like you to take a letter with you.’ My hands were shaking, the thought of you gave me a slight smile but still I felt afraid. But why? Maybe because I didn’t know how things would go on or how you would react – if there was any reaction at all. But… on the other hand it didn’t really matter what this letter would unleash in you or what you were ready to give me in return. The only thing that mattered was, that I could tell you everything I should have told you long before. It wasn’t you who owned a reaction, but me. It was/is my duty, a little part of what was right and necessary. You deserved it, Tina, more than I can say.

As I was just standing in front of the door, a note slowly fell to the ground. ‘What’s that?’ I bent down, picked it up and unfolded it. I couldn’t believe my eyes, everything blurred until the letters formed to words and I read:

I miss you! Tina

I gasped and I didn’t believe what I saw. I crouched completely motionless. Tina? It couldn’t be true. Was there someone joking on me really bad? My thoughts circulated, my heart was speeding, and I began to shiver. Tina? Tina? Your name pounded my head. It can’t be. Like slow-motion I got up and stared at the doorknob while my trembling fingers were moving towards it.

When I opened the door now, what would there be? Are you really standing in front of it? But how… wherefrom…? A blink of an eye away from you. I’m afraid. What should I say? What if I won’t find the right words? A needless comment, a quick sentence, a move towards you or away from you, an instant of foolishness can destroy everything. I don’t trust myself; feel helpless, powerless to figure out a single clear thought. What if…? And just then I realize what the words mean that you’ve written to me. You reached out for me, told me you miss me and even more: that you didn’t forget about me, that you’re not mad at me, that you are willing to… whatever, that it is time for you too, to talk maybe, that… So incredibly close…