I didn’t know what was wrong with me.  I had gone through all this trouble of finding Spencer and trying to clear things up with her and even getting into a fight with Taylor, and yet I was still acting like I didn’t know what I wanted.  It was just…Spencer was something so much more innocent than anything I had ever been exposed to.  Sure, I had ‘good girls’ before – Jessica was a ‘good girl’ – but Spencer…Christ! She hadn’t even had sex with someone before and me?  While I was pretty sure I had sex with every female born between the years of 1982 and 1992.  Even one born in 1973 but I REALLY needed that A in my English class, so she – I mean it – It had to be done.

            I felt like me just being around Spencer would make her sinful by association and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be the person to tarnish her.  But I knew that I couldn’t let anyone else have her.  I would be her first and her last.  I just needed to go about this the right way, even if I had no idea what the right way was.

            “Hey! Earth the Ashley.”  Spencer was snapping her fingers in front of my face, “You okay?” She asked, concern etched into her face.

            “Um…yeah, yeah…sorry.  I just dazed off for a moment.”

            She nodded and sat down.  As she continued to prepare our coffees, I piled both of our plates with food and waited until she was ready.  She smiled a shy smile at me, but quickly looked back into her plate, her brow furrowed.  I could tell she was trying to figure out what was running through my mind. 

            “How’s your jaw feeling?” She asked suddenly.

            “Not bad, doesn’t hurt when I talk.”  I shoved a large slice of pancake into my mouth and tested my jaw against it.  “Doesn’t hurt to eat either,” I said smiling at her, hoping to comfort her in some way, “Which is good, because I’m starving.”

            We continued to eat, our light banter filling the air as we did.  We spoke about anything and everything besides what I was sure she really wanted to speak about.  It wasn’t the right time to speak about feelings in my opinion.  It was too early, too bright outside.  Feelings are to be spoken about in the dim light of candles after a few glasses of Pinot or Cabernet; not coffee and pancakes.  Not to say it was a waste though; I focused, this time, on trying to memorize all her answers.