Beyond My Knowing, chapter 19

Anara reached out and took Tresit’s hand, and Kes took Tresit’s other hand as Tresit started to sing the song too. Kes joined in too and lay her head against Anara’s thigh on the cot.

They sang two more songs until Lanam was fading fast and nearly asleep. ”We are always here for you, we are family and we love you with all our hearts, asasha.” Anara cooed to her in a very soft voice, handing Lanam over to her brother who took her in his arms and hugged her as Anara left the cot and sat down on the floor with Kes, reaching out to hold her hand.

Tresit and Anara helped Lanam out of her outer clothing, Tresit getting undressed too, and then putting her to bed. He sat up then and looked to Kes, knowing, of course, that eye contact would mean nothing to Anara who wouldn’t know he was doing it, and he spoke. ”Mother, mother… I… I am ashamed to have frightened her. I promise, I’ll try very hard never to do it again.”

”We accept your word, beloved elshyash.” Anara replied, touching his cheek fondly. His and Kes’s eyes met and Kes nodded to him to signal that she agreed with Anara too.

He swallowed and nodded, looking unsure of himself but gratified to have their faith. ”…um, good night then.” He told them softly.

”Goodnight, elshyash.” Kes replied.

He got under the blanket and let Lanam snuggle up to him like she usually did. She and Anara lingered there a moment, Anara squeezing Kes’s hand and leaning against her shoulder. After a few moments passed, Kes nudged her wife and they got up together and went to their own cot, helping each other undress and then getting into bed together.

–You were so wonderful with them…– Anara told her, wrapping Kes in her arms as she snuggled in for sleep together.

–…before I’d met you, I’d never really thought about having a family… I’d never let myself see that far into what my future might be. Some… some female couples among my people do have children. They make bargains with male couples to accomplish it. For instance, agreeing that the child would be given to the male couple if male, or the female couple if female – or whatever other bargain the couple in question want to agree to. I found that out when Lona took me to visit with some of them one day on the outskirts of the city in the area they’ve gathered and made their home. Lona’d been sad that I wouldn’t be able to have children like she could, so she’d investigated it. She was so happy for me when she’d found that my attraction to females instead of males didn’t have to mean I would be childless. But, by that time, I was too scared that Tae would reject me that I didn’t… I pretended to be happy for Lona’s sake, but, really, I didn’t let myself think about it…

–What I mean to say is… I like it. I like… being a mother. It makes me so happy that I can share it with you, Anara.– Kes finished.

–…I love being able to share it with you too…– Anara told her back softly. –When Lanam hugged you just now, I can’t… I can’t even describe how good that felt… and to feel through our link how much you care for her, for both of them… and for me… I’ve… I’ve had to take care of them alone for so long… It’s so much better in every way to have you with me. Life seems… so perfect, just because you’re with me… Even with the problems we face, it’s perfect…–

Kes kissed her neck then –For… for me too…– Kes told her softly, nearly overwhelmed with emotion from what Anara had told her.

They didn’t say anything else to one another that night, they just held each other close and fell off to sleep, only to find themselves on that cliff in the Ocampa city again, holing hands and looking out over the water. In the dream, Kes met her wife’s eyes and saw Anara smile to her. In their dreams, after all, Anara could see her perfectly.

—————-

to be continued

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