It was as if her words had driven the air out of my body in an instant, leaving me breathless and reeling. A wave of rage mixed with the nauseating pain that surged through me, from my abdomen to my heart, radiating from the point of impact. I fought back the tears, gulping for air. She tried to reach for my hand, but I pulled it back, turning my head away.

’Tina,’ Renee continued relentless, ’I’m not here to deliver a life lesson, but I can’t help but worry about you. You went straight to work the moment you were discharged from the hospital, not allowing yourself any space to grieve. And then Bette left, I fell ill. It almost seems like it worked out conveniently for you, just so you didn’t have to deal with yourself.’

’You’re crossing a line here,’ I retorted sharply.

’No, I’m not,’ she whispered gently, ’there isn’t a single day that passes when I don’t imagine how it could have been. That little girl with those dark, curly locks and your eyes—she would have started crawling and then taken those first wobbly steps. I could hear her calling me ’grand-mere’.’ Her voice quivered, and to my surprise there were tears streaming down her face as I viewed her through a blurry haze. I bit my lip till I tasted blood.

’I’ll be right back,’ I excused myself, mustering as much composure as possible before making my way to the bathroom. Inside the restroom, I turned on the water tap and allowed the cold water to cascade over my wrist.

Bette had been so against me going back to work. If I thought back now, that’s when our fights had started. My legs had barely been able to support me back then, the cramps had been excruciating, yet had paled in comparison to the emotional ache that had consumed me. And I had been so incredibly tired. Bette had taken it upon herself to inform my work about our loss, about the fact that we had lost our daughter. And when I returned to the office, my colleagues couldn’t look me in the eye, and when they had, I had seen only pity reflected in their stares.