’I don’t want to talk about it.’ I got up and tried to smile apologetically. ’I have to run I have a conference call.’

’Hey,’ she placed her hand on my arm. ’If you ever do, I’ll be there.’

’Thanks.’ I said.

Stepping out from the warm restaurant into the crisp air outside, an unexpected wave of dizziness washed over me. The bright light, initially blinding, gradually shifted into focus, outlining the details of the bustling street before me. My heart echoed, its rhythm momentarily faltering before regaining its steady pace. Each step I took toward the car felt like a delicate negotiation with the unpredictable terrain. The echoes of my own footfalls seemed distant, as though filtered through a hazy veil.

I tossed my purse onto the passenger seat. Leaning my head back against the leather headrest, I repeated my mantra out loud in the car: ’I won’t break, I won’t break, I won’t break.’ It took a while to let the fading dizziness subside. With my gaze fixed on the ceiling of the car, I caught sight of my own reflection in the rearview mirror, meeting the gaze of bloodshot eyes. Thank god. No tears.

I delved into my purse, fingers navigating the familiar contents until I located the small bottle of Visine. Those first few weeks after my return to work had been a challenge. It didn’t matter what triggered it—the sudden loud voice, a touch on my shoulder, a vase of flowers, or sometimes even nothing at all—the sensation of pressure would creep up behind my eyes, and an involuntary quiver would start at my bottom lip. Yet, I would bite down on it, suppressing the urge until I could escape to the privacy of a restroom.

I gently pried my eyelids apart, making way for the soothing drops that promised relief. I waited for the careful drops of red eye remedy to find their mark, to provide the cool sensation and a welcoming calm. But the bottle was empty. Annoyed, I cast it aside.

’Call Bette.’ I ordered MBUX.

After the first ring, her voice answered, and I settled back against the headrest, closing my eyes.

’What are you doing?’ I asked, the lingering dizziness kept me from starting the car engine.