One day Tina asked her with her hands on her hips…”what am I to you?” And Bette in response, made the first serious mistake…”You…us…it’s all like a vacation” And Tina,
her face red and enraged, picked up a plate and threw it at Bette. She ducked and the plate smashed on the wall inches from her shoulder. The pieces showered around the floor,
making it perilous to walk freely. Both were stunned into silence. Tina obviously was not a violent person and so Bette stared at her…and Tina herself looked at her hand, as if it
was out of control. “Im not….i’m not like this….im never like this…what have you done to me?” Bette felt her eyes water, what was happening to herself? Waht was happening to both
of them. If only Bette had the guts and empathy to say something comforting…instead she said without thinking…”get a hold of yourself” Tina looked up..”and who the ***** are you? some
kind of innocent?”  Bette felt her hackles rise…”hey! i’m here ***** my neighbour while my husband is recovering at his mom’s house and all you do is get clingy and violent and think
i’m not feeling confused as well” Tina sat down at the table…”then why don’t you show your feelings like everyone else” Bette walked gingerly over the pieces of plate and sat
in the chair by Tina….”it makes me feel less guilty”

 It was Bette’s dfense mechanism to act cold, to act as if this WAS a vacation…that when Paxton came home she could go back to him with herself feeling fulfilled. Feeling like
no longer will she feel unsatisfied for she had her “variety and spice”. The truth was she was falling in love with Tina. Bette would lie for hours watching her lover sleep soundly, she would
play with that golden hair and kiss those closed eyelids. But she would not touch her, she would not allow herself too, not while Tina was sleeping. Bette felt the last thing on earth for her
to do was fall in love with Tina. It was not an option, it didn’t FEEL like an option. So she took and took and took and took as if the taking would satisfy her thirst. And she doubted if
it really was love, they only knew each other for so little time, could it be love? Bette made herself not believe it. She in truth was stifling herself, not knowing she was. And it made her
feel worse seeing Tina fall in love with HER. Tina was bit more forgiving to herself in terms of that, but Bette was not. She felt she had more to lose. So the thing she did was what
she felt was best, not allowing herself to admit that she was in love. Bette was denying herself love, she didn’t even understand it. Refused to understand it. And it was made worse
by seeing Tina in love anot fighting it. So Bette fought herself from showing her love, from recieving Tina’s love and reduced their being together as a ‘vacation’. It took it’s toll in
the form of Bette being even more short-tempered and Tina as being bewildered then angry. But the ***** continued, that was the only thing that did not change though the
circumstances did.