“It’s fine if Tina plays the song, I think it’s even better. I couldn’t do it in front of an audience.”

The practice continues. We pick out some songs to play and perform them for the gang, who are really enthusiastic. Most of them wouldn’t tell us if we sucked, but Shane sure would. And she thinks it’s all great as well.

We get to some of Bette’s songs. It never ceazes to amaze me how great she is as a songwriter. Hell, she even has an artist name. I can easily see it on an album cover: Bette Porter.

When, after a couple of hours, everyone agrees that it will do, Gary and I are left alone. I try to get to talk to Bette before she leaves, but she’s slipped away.

I know now is the time for the conversation I have been dreading, but Bette’s song assured me to go on with it.

“Gary,” I say as I turn to him. I take hold of both his hands and look him in the eye. I look away immediately. Suddenly I panick – what if I can’t do it? Bette’s song! You have to do it!

“Tina?” He asks. He wants to hug me again, but I get away from him, leaving a space between us. He looks concerned.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I am. We just… we need to talk, about us.”

The worry on his face grows and I feel bad for what is coming. I swallow, take a deep breath and start talking.

“I want you to just listen to what I have to say and let me finish. I know it’s unfair of me and it has never been my intention to hurt you. When we started dating, you knew about the kiss I shared with Bette. I had feelings for her and they never really went away. She was together with Carmen and I convinced myself I had made a mistake. I do care for you, and I really like you. I think you’re a great guy, so please don’t get me wrong. We were never together because I wanted to replace her. I just tried to surpress the feelings. I was sure that I could go from liking you to loving you, like I loved her. We were friends, but it became hard. I always wanted to be so close to her, she gives me a really special feeling that no one else can give me. It’s not your fault, you did nothing wrong. Last night, I had a row with my mom again and I couldn’t take it any longer. Bette came to take me home, with her. She just took her bike, came to me and made sure I was comfortable. She did the ride back just to get me my books – she does so much for, she’s amazing. She’s really sweet, but well, I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear. Anyway, when I was there, she suggested to give me a massage because I was so stressed. Things got heathed up and she put a stop to it because she didn’t want me to hurt you. But I wanted her, I needed her so bad… we ended up having sex, and it was amazing, and I knew I was home. I’m so sorry, I never wanted to cheat on you, it’s just something I can’t help. I love her.”

Gary looks really confused. He’s hurt and he doesn’t understand, he looks disappointed. To my amazement, he’s not angry. But the disappointment is worse. I wish he would yell at me, shout at me, it’d be easier.

It takes a while for him to speak, and when he does, he does it slowly.

“I guess that if that is how you feel, you should be with her. I’m really hurt that you cheated on me, but I know you. I know you didn’t do it just to hurt me. This is a lot to take in, it’s hard because I’m in love with you. But I want you to be happy, and if Bette makes you happy… I guess that’s the way it should be.”

“Really?”

“There’s nothing much I can do.”

“I want us to stay friends.”

“I’ll try my best, but I can’t promise anything. I just don’t want all of this to affect the band.”

I really hadn’t thought about the band yet. “No, I promise.”

I go over to him and hug him, but he pulls me away. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes. “I can’t do this right now. Not to be rude or anything, but can you just… leave? I have some thinking to do. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.”

I nod and leave the house, not knowing how I feel. Relieved? Confused about his reaction? Sad because it’s over? An image of Bette comes to my mind and I smile. Finally, I can be with her.