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    A Life I Never Meant Chapter Twenty Nine

    Story written on August 4, 2006 by citygirl75.
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    Number of Comments: 28
    Words: 4110
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=61942
    Author Notes:

    “It makes me feel a little less alone.” – Bette Porter

    “It won’t be as bad as you think.” I say to her, hoping that this will help to calm her nerves.

    “I know that there are going to be things that belong to me in that house.” she replies, doubt written all over her face.

    “And if there are, it will show that Shane still cared about you, even loved you, so much that she couldn’t let them go.”

    “I don’t know if I like the thought of that.” says Carmen, still not moving any closer to the door.

    “Why not?”

    “Because if she loved me that much why did we just live the last five years apart from each other.” she says, walking backwards away from where I’m standing.

    I walk quickly down the stairs so that I can reach her before she gets too far away. I reach out my hand to hold her arm, to show her that everything will be alright. That there’s nothing in that house that should scare her. She starts to move away but then lets me pull her back towards Shane’s house. When we get back to the door I try to give her an encouraging smile which she weakly returns. I fumble with the keys, slightly betraying my nervousness about returning to this place.

    When I finally get the door open she walks into the living room, leaving me behind. I know where she’s heading, to Shane’s bedroom. I walk towards the back door and open it. It still has that musty smell of a house that hasn’t been lived in. I walk into the garden and peer over the fence to see Alice still floating in the pool, obviously in a world of her own. I take the same seat that I did when I came here with Tina and wait for Carmen to do whatever she needs to do.

    After about ten minutes she comes out into the garden, her eyes reddened with tears. I look up and my heart breaks for her. It must be so difficult for her to be here, to remember all the times that she spent here. She takes a seat besides me but doesn’t say anything, she just looks out into the garden, deep in thought about what it means for her to be here.

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    Comments

    1. I´m Fisrt! What can I say….Amazing writing, it´s breaking my Tibette heart, but it´s a great history, so, I´ll keep reading. Anything can happen in the end. I´m bitting my nails, sitting and the edge of my seat, waiting, waitng and waiting. A loyal fan and humble reader.

    5. I saw your post and debated whether or not to read, because it seems the steady diet of poo sandwiches is all Bette will ever get. However(!) good writing is always thought provoking and at times controversial, so I would say you’ve been successful! Thanks for writing and entertaining us with this story.

    6. This chapter was really good. I think it will actually help Bette to help Alice. Maybe she can get Tina in on it as well since Tina should return the favor and provide some help for Alice.

    8. I think Alice should buy Shane’s house! Bette should tell Tina that she still wants her and won’t give up till she has her, NY is a big place – Ally will find a nive girl to fall in love with!! A girl can dream right….?

    9. This story is so emotional it drains me…only because you are breaking my heart here. i had a feeling Alice was gonna move back. I can’t see her and Bette together again romantically, I see them as only friends…good friends. You know you can’t end this story without Bette finding love…she needs it…she deserves it.

    10. I can read this story now that I know Tina has chose Ally. For awhile in was painful to read it because every so often you would make us believe that Bette and Tina had a chance to be together. Please write a sequel about Bette finding love.[PLEASE NOT WITH ALICE]

    14. I am fighting the urge to just fall down crying my eyes out. My TiBette heart is broken, I just know that you will not let them be together. I suppose we can’t have everything we want. You have done a superb job with this story even if our girls will be apart.

    15. CityGirl…..excellent writing but it’s breaking my TiBette heart. Now, Alice provides the cushion for Bette when she falls. How convenient. Jobadge is right…NYC is a huge place…..8,000,000 people. Tina can find someone else. But I don’t think you want to end it in a happy place for us TiBetters, eh?? I can see the ending….with the sun shining on her face, Bette realizes w/Alice they can both recover and start anew. Ugh!!! I’m having a love-hate relationship. I love your story and writing but hate where I think it is directed.

    17. Is it possible to start a fanfic petition for this story? *Shyly* Can I ask a favor Citygirl? If for some reason you break Bette’s heart and stomp on it, and allow the dogs to feast on it’s carcus, and then the bones dry up and wither away…can you write an alternate ending full of sunshine a.k.a Bette and Tina together? Can ya Citygirl..huh? huh?

    20. i just don’t know what to say, i’m preparing for a huge heart break in the next chapter because it would be B&T talk probably…as much as i like alice moving back, i don’t see bette hooking up with her, or with carmen…is it stupid for me to hope that things will change for B&T in the last few chapters? *sigh* i’m going to buy loads of vodka and xanax

    23. Quoting Carmen : “if she loved me that much why did we just live the last five years apart from each other” ? Sounds familiar to Bette, I think… *** Oh god, I’m following Skycaptain here : this story of yours drains me until a total emotional exhaustion and deeply breaks my heart too… What an unspeakable feeling of melancholy and sadness through each of your sentences, that’s almost unbearable to read, especially when I cannot help but thinking about how deeply personal this story seems to mean for you too. Of course I wouldn’t dare to ask you if I’m right, but that’s something I can feel between the lines. But perhaps it’s only my empathy’s effect, as so much depressive people can testify… *** I also share with Onthebrink this fear to read any new chapter of your incredibly moving story : each time I’m balancing between blind hope and cruel lucidity, wondering if I could really take more about my poor lonely Bette but at the same time feeling unable to let down such a beautifully written story… Your undeniable talent is your best – and only ? – excuse to break so much hearts here and to let so much tears go down… And, well, to wake up reading this more than ever trying update of yours isn’t the best idea I had ! Mourning, regrets, bitterness, renunciation, pain, lost love, life and death, time’s run… god, god, I’m feeling so emotional right now, it hurts a lot – and I mean it. I’d like to dare to beg you but all I can really do as a reader is to hope and dream again and again. I need it to find force to read you again. I need to hope for the happy end I’m craving for – and I don’t care to display all my Tibetter’s vulnerability here. I’m happy to know Alice will stay near Bette – and I fully agree Jobadge’s suggestion about Shane’s house – but, but, but even the best friend in the world cannot replace a lost love and our Bette has so much love to give and need so much to receive in return. Renunciation isn’t the answer, Bette, please fights for your T, make her realize how much she’d lose in her future life without someone as unique as you ! Oh, I truly cannot believe that this so endearing and hartbrealing story’s conclusion will give renounciation and so-called reasonable choices as life models to follow. Alice and Carmen already lost their soulmates, but death is fate and B&T are still alive, for god’s sake ! Bette alone and Tina choicing security through a “reasonable love”, that’s a finale I simply cannot face. Sorry for being such a selfish and incurably romantic reader, dear talented author, but that’s how deep your story touches me – for much more personal reasons that you could guess. Well, I’ll be there next time, with the so needed support of a handkerchief and a tablet of Xanax – and I’m serious. I wish you a nice weekend !

    24. great update.. one chapter that does not show tina grieving then running to ally.. i really don’t care abt her much.. i just want bette to be happy..

    25. I loved this chapter, with its emphasis on real, viable relationship. Alice and Bette have an enduring connection. Their scenes together propel the story forward. Their dialogue parses problems and sets the stage for a hopeful future. Thanks!

    27. Such amazing writing, but so sad….one day I would really love for you to write a happy, in love B&T story :o)) I hope you will think about it!!!! And I hope that Bette will fight for Tina, so she at least has tried…..

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