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    A Life I Never Meant Chapter Twenty One

    “Thanks, I’ll find one in the back, somewhere a little quieter.”

    “OK, give me a couple of minutes and I’ll be there.”

    There’s an unmistakable familiarity about this scenario that’s almost suffocating. How many times am I going to feel this over the next few days? While I am waiting I watch her. Part of me can’t even believe that she is here. It’s like I have to keep looking at her to make sure that it’s real. She’s playing with her phone and then starts to listen to a message that’s been left. Whoever left the message has obviously said something that she approves of because she smiling. She really is beautiful when she smiles.

    As I get to the table she stands up and takes one of the cups from me. Our fingers lightly brush against each other. It’s the slightest touch but it sends shock waves up my arm, but that’s not the best thing about it. The best thing is that I know she felt it too by the way that she quickly looked away from me, and even now isn’t quite ready to meet my gaze.

    “Where is she?” asks Tina, surprising me with her forthrightness.

    “At the funeral home.” I reply, simply.

    I can see a flash of pain go across Tina’s face at my frank reply. She’s obviously having as much trouble dealing with the reality of the situation as I am. We both sit, thoughtfully for a few minutes.

    “I can’t believe she’s gone.” say Tina, quietly.

    “Neither can I. I wonder it I’ll ever get used to it. Yesterday I went to call her. I was like I’d completely forgotten what had happened. All I wanted to do was to see how she was. Then I remembered and I…it was like hearing the news all over again.”

    “What did she want?”

    “To be cremated.” I reply, hoping that I’m giving the right answer to such an open ended question.

    “That’s good.”

    “Why?”

    “I couldn’t be there when they…six feet’s a long way down.” says Tina, the tears starting to form.

    “You don’t have to fight it.”

    “I do.” she says, the anger of the other day briefly returning.

    “I just want you to be OK.” I say, trying to soothe that anger away.

    Comments

    1. Great chapter, I got a little heartbroken when Tee refused Bette touch her, a little bit tears when they talked about Shane. I only can pray and hope this story will end up TiBette together, because I am so hooked by your wonderful writing and storyline.

    2. the pain and sadness in this story is so intense – I finished the story and found I had been holding my breath – you have me identifying with both of these women – your writing makes these women totally alive and real – AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME and hard too.

    3. City, I can’t remember the name of the story, but it totally broke my heart. Please don’t tell me you are going to do the same :(. I should just stop reading to preserve my battered TiBette heart, but your writing is so magnificent, it just sucks me in and I’m powerless to resist. Thank you for posting, you are truly talented.

    4. I don’t understand Tina not wanting to hug Bette at the aiport. For someone that can read Bette and knows that she is going through alot right now she could not even do a fucking hug? TIna is even more of a mess! If you are going in the direction of Spartajones’s story then I am very happy except the part where Bette is still pining away for Tina, that I can do without. For except two characters one includes Bette I just want them to be happy damn all the rest of them.

    5. Yes Sparta’s story was well written but I was in anguish. I hope this story has a happy ending, meaning I want them to be together no matter how rocky the journey is as long as the end is B&T together. Everytime I see your post my heart is in my throat cause it’s on the fence either way. I love your writing. Please post soon.

    6. From the beginning of this story there has been this underlying current of sadness that is so powerful that most times I am left reft of words to comment on this story. I don’t know city when I think about my relationships and experiences I wonder if I have ever loved anyone enough to even bother to seek closure. Or if I have loved anyone enough to uberhaupt need closure? Yeah I read that story by Sparta bitter pill that one but I read it because it was well written and not over dramatized. Besides everyone was ok in the end. This story is heartfelt and deep. You already know how I feel and I am eager to find out what your feelings will lead to. Thanks

    7. Loved having B/T together in this chapter even though they were uncomfortable. I’m hopeful you’ll have them work this through. I read most of “After the Fall”, but when I heard they didn’t end up together, I had to stop reading. I’ve enjoyed your stories. Thanks for writing!

    8. Well, that was awkward. I suppose it had to be. I’ll be interested to see how they interact after getting some sleep and this first meeting out of the way.

    9. You know i dont know how much more pain a person can take it because right now i think Bette is on the edge and just think that Tina can hurt her even more it really sucks. I still cant believe that Shane is dead :(

    10. It was “After The Fall” by spartajones. It was an excellent fanfic. But strangely, the author was never heard from again. ;-) But she had Bette involved w/a past lover (Latina) who had gazillions of dollars and strong personality who most readers would feel was worthy of Bette’s love. It was a bit fantastical. I was left happy for Bette b/c Teddy was such an improvement over Tina. Your story is so very personal, raw and realistic with both main characters being in a fragile state. That’s why some readers (me included) fear for Bette. Your story is clearly written not bumbling about which also, in some weird way, makes me worry for Bette.

    11. Hey C-gal, I am balling my eyes out at that chapter. Tears just flowed unlike Bette’s which just stayed there ready to fall but held back by some invisible force. Bette and Tnia’s lack of phsyical connection was heartbreaking and only serves to compound Tina’s still evident but deeply buried attraction and connection to Bette. I do hope that this tragedy brings these gals back tonight and allow them to deal with all the hurt of the past and move forward into the fresh, new light of day. Sparta’s story was spectacular and the first one that really got me hooked on this site. I, too, wish for a TiBette union and not a TiAlly one. Please make my dream come true. Thank you for this torturous tale of sorrow and woe which I know will become their salvation. Your Loyal Fan.

    12. Your story conveys the feeling that they have a love for each other that transcends all earthly connections, much like Oprah and Gayle (just kidding!) Really, I feel the love, and while it may not mean they will be together in a romantic sense, this connection is too important to let go. I’m glad they’ve found a way back to each other. Yoda’s wisdom is transcendental, her power extending even beyond the grave! …I don’t know if I like you referencing anti B&T fics, though they were undoubtedly good. Is that forshadowing, hinting, hummm?? ..Another good one was “Ashes, Ashes” by Fanficchick. Check it out! “After Loving You” by Pancha will break your heart. Lastkid had a good one with Bette and Courtney, but it’s been taken down. …I will continue to read this one with interest and an overtone of melancholy. Hey, sad can be good. It certainly is in this case! I hope they can get to the other side. Thanks!

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