Rage. Tina the most loving person she ever knew fill with rage. What had she done

Oh no. She had driven her to the extreme. Bette knew this Tina, the one who was relentless, closed and totally out of reach for her, in the past when glimpses of this Tina showed waiting was the only solution, now Bette wasnt all too sure time would help.

Days after that encounter the same thought had hunted her.

Now, She was sitting on a lounge chair in front of the pool, a blank stare, her whole body motionless, she didnt know for how long, but as she snapped out of her trance she could tell it had been a while.

She took another deep breath she appear to be lost in thought, but not a single thought was occupying her mind, it was just emptiness, she felt stupid for that, what a waste of time as her eyes landed on the glass in her hand, not wine after a lovely dinner but scotch to soothe her nerves, oh yeah her nerves she finally had a line of thought….

She, her heart keeper.

But that didnt bring comfort as it used to do, she couldnt bring herself to feel one shred of excitement or hope, she was totally out of sink.

When was the last time she had a great day? When was the last time she felt happy, content, blessed?

She couldnt remember, the feeling of emptiness overweighing again, her mind was a constant turning wheel that was not taking her anywhere, but to a state of desperation.

In the fine game of step away and give ones space, she had without notice let go of the one thing that matter to her, Bette had let go of Tina.

The worse about it was that she knew try to get her back was not the solution, she had lost herself too, she needed to find herself first.

Bette Porter, age 38, pathetically in the middle of the worse kind of life crisis, the kind were you lose all you ever love and dream, in the quest to realize You had already founded all you ever wanted.

She Love Tina, her love for her was never in question, her commitment even physically broken, never emotionally stronger, by God she love that woman. If only she could bring herself to feel it, if only she could express it. But she felt dead inside, she was apparently not in love with the love of her life, she didnt know if or when the post-mortem will give any answers as for why her soul ceased to function.

Yet she knew some things she had broke them both, she had broke Tina so she needed to be gentle with her, patient while she heals and pray for her because that woman held the meaning of her life.