“Hey T, I brought some take-out… might help you get your mind off things…” Alice said trying her best to sound persuasive for Tina.

No answer.

“Tina?” Alice called out from across the doorway, not realizing she was actually talking to an empty apartment. ‘Where is she?’ she wondered. She walked around the house checking the kitchen first, putting down the hot bags of food onto a counter, ‘Hmm, no potato chips, no milk, no Tina…’ Alice decided to check the living room next, ‘Still no sign of T.’ she thought. Alice was on the verge of panicking until her eyes fell upon a small piece of paper carefully tucked under a stack of books that were resting above her coffee table. Alice quickly glanced through it and instantly recognized Tina’s handwriting scribbled across the paper’s smooth surface. She read the note and felt a smile slowly creep onto her face.

Al,

Went for a walk. I just needed to breathe. Don’t worry so much.

P.S.

I’m sorry I drank all the milk.


Tina

________________________________________________

Bette opened the door for Tina, still in a complete state of disbelief that Tina would actually choose to be with her again. Thoughts of what had actually happened throughout the course of the day flashed through her mind, everything from the kiss to the walk she and Tina shared had just seemed so surreal, so unexpected, but she knew that the sight of Tina walking through the house would cause her to get all teary-eyed. Tina took in the sight of their house, it was her home, and everything about it seemed more vibrant more full of meaning than it was before. She sat down on the couch feeling relaxation wash over her body, from the base of her neck all the way to the soles of her aching feet. ‘I feel so tired.’ she thought.

“T are you hungry?” Bette asked, interrupting Tina’s thoughts.

Tina smiled at Bette, grateful for her attentiveness. She nodded and answered “Mmm-hmm.”

“Okay, what are you in the mood for?”

“Pizza actually…”

“Pizza it is.” Bette said excitedly, giving Tina a broad smile, not being able to hide the happiness she felt knowing that Tina was there. She disappeared into the other room to get her purse and made her way towards the door.

“I’ll just go get the car from Kit and then I’ll get the pizza on the way back.” Bette said speaking over her shoulder.

Tina smiled in approval and shyly went over to Bette giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

Bette felt her cheeks turn into a slight shade of crimson as she closed the door behind her.
______________________________________________

Twenty minutes later Bette pulled up into their driveway and entered the house carrying a pizza box, her mood was noticeably brighter. She was eagerly looking forward to having dinner with Tina, already planning what to do and what to say in her head, only to find Tina asleep on their bed with a copy of “Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair” by one of Tina’s favorite poets, Pablo Neruda. Bette walked over towards Tina’s side of the bed and gently prodded the book out of Tina’s grasp. She flipped through the compilation of poems until she came across a page that Tina had folded, ‘She must’ve been reading this while I was gone,’ she thought. Bette’s heart sank as she read:

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, ‘The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.’

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through the nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes?

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. Like my kisses before.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

___________________________________________

Tina stirred back into consciousness, hearing stifled noises coming from somewhere in the room. After a while she realized that the sounds were coming from Bette who was sitting beside her, crying quietly into the pages of her book.

“So this is how you felt when I…” Bette could no longer continue, guilt was taking over her system.

“Bette…” Tina began, trying to decipher the reason behind Bette’s tears.

“Tina I’m so sorry, god when I think of all the pain I caused you, sometimes I think””

“Think what Bette?”

“…I think things would be better if you never met me.”

Tina let an odd smile spread across her face. Bette gave her a confused look, clearly showing that she didn’t expect this reaction from Tina.

“What?”

“It’s funny, I never once thought of not meeting you.” Tina said in a very loving voice, closing the distance between her and Bette.

“Why not?”

“Because if I hadn’t I would never have felt this loved…” Tina let her voice fade, searching Bette’s eyes.

“But I hurt you so badly T, for seven years I never thought I could but””

“You did.” Tina completed the sentence for Bette, “And believe me it’s gonna take a lot of work for us to get back to where we were.” Tina looked away from her, silently organizing her thoughts.

“But I’m not talking about that…” she continued, “I’m talking about being with the woman who’d get out of a party that’s being thrown in her honor in New York just to be there for her wife in L.A.” Tina gave Bette a reassuring look before finishing what she had to say, “I’m talking about the woman who’d buy me a slurpee in the middle of the night, the woman who’d…”

Bette didn’t let Tina finish; instead she leaned in and gave Tina a long, and sweet kiss, which conveyed all her feelings of gratitude and love.

“I’ll be that woman for you Tina. I love you.”

“Bette?”

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t read the back did you?”

“No, no I didn’t…”

Tina turned the folded page over and showed Bette the poem she was really reading while she was gone.