NURSE NEUMANE-  “Dr. Porter, Dr. Porter…”

(She turns…)

NURSE NEUMANE –  (Panicked…)  “It’s Mrs. Momare…she’s having a fit about the procedure and…”

BETTE-  “It’s OK!  Say no more…I’m on the way…”

NURSE NEUMANE –  “Thanks doctor.”

BETTE-  “Which room again?”

NURSE NEUMANE –  “Right behind you doctor…”  (Bette turns and enters with some trepidation…)

MRS. MOMARE-  (A big hearty and older Italian woman…)  “Ma que cosa!  What you think I am, a vagrant?  ‘Which room’????  You no know my room by now!”  (Bette winces…)  “What I pay all this money for!  Holey the crap!”

BETTE-  “Mrs. Momare, please don’t excite yourself…”

MRS.  MOMARE-  (Unknowingly not quite using the term in the same context as Bette meant it…)  “Excite myself?????  I excite me????  No no no…this is YOUR fault…You excite me!  This is YOUR fault doctor…you are the one who excite me!  You excite me so much I don’t know what I do…”  (Bette can’t help but let out a chuckle, despite her struggle to maintain her composure at the woman’s slight misuse of the word.)  “YOU LAUGH?  You think is funny you excite me so much?  You gonna hurt my heart by excite me like this…I have heart attack and then I SUE YOU!!!”

BETTE-  “Oh my Mrs. Momare…let’s take it down a notch, shall we?”  (She approaches to check the readings on the machines…)  “Let’s see how you’re doing…”

MRS. MOMARE-  “I tell you how I do…I do shitty…very shitty, Dr. Portera…is no good!”  

BETTE-  (With her stethoscope on…)  “Easy does it now, I have to listen to your heart…”

MRS.  MOMARE-  “Listen to my heart?  Listen to MY HEART?  YA…you listen!  You see how much you excite it!”  (Bette breaks out laughing…)  “Allora!!!!  YOU LAUGH AT ME?  YOUR PATIENTE???  WHAT kind of doctore laughing at patiente?!”  

BETTE-  (Patting her on the arm…as she tries to stop laughing…)  “Mrs. Momare…I’m not laughing at you…listen…everything is ok…your heart is stable, from what I see on the ECG…I’m just trying to check things over.  But I’m not laughing at you…it’s just you have a way with words…”

MRS. MOMARE-  “Way?  Way?  What way?  What you are saying doctore?”

BETTE-  “Signora…prego…listen to me please…ok?”

MRS. MOMARE-  “What I listen for?!”  (Bette gives her a pleading look…)  Ohhh…ok…I listen…explain!”

BETTE-  “The word ‘excite’ can mean different things.  When I said you shouldn’t get excited too much, I was referring to your body’s stress conditions and heart rate…we want you to stay calm.  But ‘excite’, like when you say ‘you excite me’, like you did, this typically refers to a different kind of excitement…you know…the heart rate goes up, you get all warm…like, well…like when you’re in a good mood and you see Mr. Momare…and he’s in a good mood and you look at one another and then…maybe, you know you might say…”  (Mrs. Momare’s eyes have grown wider…)  “well…”

MRS.  MOMARE-  (Deadpan and sounding serious…)  “You mean I say to you that you, you know…” (she twitches her nose and gives her a look…) “you ‘excite’ me like Luigi…?”  (she moves her eyes in an alluring fashion.  Bette smiles and nods…) “WHAT?  Ohhhhhhhh!!!!”  (She gasps Bette’s arm and then starts to laugh…)  “Ahhhhh!!!  Haaaa!!!!”  (She starts to belly laugh…and Bette starts to laugh as well…)  “Ohhh ho ho… ‘excite’!!!!!  You know what is funny doctore?  Luigi…he no ‘excite’ me enough lately…”  (Bette’s eyes grow wide and she blushes as Mrs. Momare starts to belly laugh again…)  “Ohhh doctore…you funny…. you ‘excite me’ I said…ahhh ha ha ha…ohhh…but…”  (She grasp Bette’s arm lightly again and Bette looks at her attentively as Mrs. Momare tries to break the news to her gently…)  “sorry bella…I no lesbian…”  (Bette laughs…)  “Is ok, you beautiful lesbian, but I can no help you there…”  (She chuckles and Bette shakes her head laughing as she pats the older woman’s arm…)