Bette was working on her computer when a small window showed up

youve got mail

Bette felt her heart stop. Its been like that since Tina answered her email more than a week ago. With each new email that it wasnt Tinas Bettes hope was drowning deeper and deeper but once again she closed all the screens she was working on and moved to open her email.

The moment she saw Tinas name her heart stopped.
She looked at the screen for a few moments, trying to find the courage to open the email.



Date: wed 12 May 2004 11:09:22 -0700
Subject: youus
From: tina

Bette,
I dont know what to say, or how to start this email. Ive been thinking. I saw your text message this morning. I know we have to meet, I know we have to see each other, I know we have to talk but I am not sure I can do that, not yet.

I have to try to explain to you how I feel. Its not easy, I dont really know how I feel, Mg Bette this past months have been like a roller coaster. The moment I feel am getting somewhere something reminds me of you.
I have to tell you, Ive been looking, searching for a cure to my broken heart. Ive been trying to get over you, is too painful to be in love with you, it hurts too much.”


Bette has tears running down her cheeks, her heart was coming apart but she needed to hear what Tina had to tell her.


But then Bette, as always with you and me, history repeating itself, something reminds me of the love we had, of the things we shared, of the moments we lived together The good and the bad, because Bette we have had awful times together. I dont fool myself thinking that our seven years together have been a bliss, we have had tough times and I remember each one of them. They made us what we are, what we were, they have been great, they have been awful but we have grown with them. And each time after we worked through them I found something new about you, about me, about us, something I didnt know we had, something to look after.
I know we are not perfect, we never were. I never thought we were that perfect couple everybody saw in us. But I think you did believed that lie. You believed we were that, you saw us from others eyes. You didnt believe in us. And I think that is what, at the end, broke our relationship apart. You didnt believe in me, in us, so you looked for what you were missing somewhere else.

Bette, I know is not all your fault. I was there too, I was seeing how we were falling apart, how we were not looking at each other for comfort or sympathy or love but I thought it was a phase and wed work on it. Thats why I wanted to see Dan Foxworthy.
I know I wasnt there for you as you expected me to but I was broke Bette, and as much as you think you tried to be there for me I never really felt it. I saw you trying but I know you Bette, I know you tried to be there but the more you tried for everything to be back to perfect the more I felt you apart. Id see, felt, how you were looking at us, at our relationship as a burden, as another one of your obligations.
I cant be that Bette, I cant (and dont want to) feel that the person am sharing my life with feels that she HAS TO be with me, that she has to control everything. Love should not be a requirement, love should just be there and should be preserve.

Dont you know how strange is to find true love? Did you really think that what we had was common? I believe that you took us for granted.
I am not perfect Bette, I cant be more far for perfection but you knew that Bette, it was not a surprised.
I know you are not perfect Bette, I loved you with all you imperfections, I love each and all of them, they make who you are, a lovely, stubborn human being.
But even knowing all your faults I never saw it coming Bette. Ive always believed in you, in us. You broke it Bette.
God, just remembering you holding Candances hand that horrible night at the opening, it burns me inside. I feel dizzy, sick.

You know me Bette, Id have been able to forget *****, a one night stand. You know why too, and is because deep inside Id tell you shared something special with me, that you loved me, that you are just human.

But Bette, you shared so much more than ***** with her, I saw something in the way you held her hand that almost killed me. I saw intimacy, I saw pillow secrets, I saw stolen looks, stolen smiles I saw us… and thats too much, Bette.

I know this is harsh baby, I know that you dont want to hear this but I have to say it, I have to let you know how I feel

But Bette, as much as I hate you now, I still love you. I cant stop loving you and I hate that, I hate thinking about you, missing you. I hate missing us, Bette.
I need to find out what I want, I need to find what its left of me. I need to know who I am and most important I need to know if I still want you.
Am sorry Bette, am really am. Am sorry for all the lies that I want to tell

I dont know how to do this.
I need to know what you want. I need for you to really think about us, about you and about me. I need for you to think about her and I need for you to think what you shared with her.
I dont blame you anymore. Thinks happen, and we have to live with them, you and I. But If there is an Us I need you to think about it all.
I love you Bette, am just miles away from you but my heart is still yours. I need to get it back and see, find out, if I want to give it back to you.
I need time Bette.
I love you.
t.

Bette was crying so hard she thought she might die. She looked at Tinas email for almost have an hour. Read it again, and again.

She stood up said wont see or talk with anyone James before closing the door.
She moved back to her desk, sat down and looked at the computer. She took her head phones, plugged them in and let the music guided her heart to say what she was really feeling.