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    and it wasnt a dream (XXIV)



    It was Saturday morning and Bette was still waiting for Tinas reaction. Anything.
    Its been two days since she wrote the email, she put all her feelings, fears and thoughts in it and she was sure shed hear something from Tina. After all those years shed be sure of one thing. Tina was the most honest, fair and tender person in the world. Cruelty was not in her bones.

    Bette was looking around the house, looking for something to do. Shed always go to the CAC, there was always job to do but she didnt feel like that. She took her laptop and headed to the pool. It was still early and it was quiet and calm outside.

    She sat down and looking at the empty chair in front of her she thought, remembered all the times Tina used it. All the times she took for granted seeing her there, at her side.

    Sighing deeply she started writing.



    Date: sat 15 May 2004 09:11:22 -0700
    Subject: that day
    From: bette

    Hey T,
    I was just thinking about you. Was wondering about you reaction to my last email. I guess that or you havent read it yet or you are just thinking about it, as am sure I will hear from you for that one. I know you dont like loose issues in the air. You like to look at the problems up front and you, above all, love honesty.

    Well, am thinking all that about you because I was thinking about that first time. You know, the time when you came back to me. The time when I knew you were mine. That you were mine forever. I never expected that forever could be such a meaningless word. Forever is an illusion, forever is the now and here. But is such a sweet word, as sweet as hope.

    Anyway, I remembered that day as it was yesterday. I remembered how bad I was feeling. Its been a difficult week for me. It was Friday, almost a week after I kissed you over the earring thing. It was Friday and I was pretty sure I was not going to see you again, ever.
    I was depressed as I was sure you were the one, but I could not do anything else about you. I could not do anything else to show you my interest. I kissed you and I was sure that you knew what I meant by that. It was up to you, that was the difficult part. To finally let others, you, take the control.

    The whole week I hoped to hear from you, to see you. But then, nothing.
    Every time the door at the gallery was opened I run to check if it was you. Every time my phone rang I prayed for you to be the one calling me. But then, nothing.
    I was so desperate that I drove to the Studio a few times, just to try catching you on the parking lot. Wanted to see you, needed to see you. But, nothing.

    It was pretty late and I was closing the gallery. I was turning the lights off, it was already dark outside and then I saw your figure by the door. I already could tell it was you, after all I ve been dreaming about you for a week so I knew every inch, every curve of your body. You were looking at the street, I guess thinking about what to do or not do. I looked at you, didnt want to force you, wanting for you to make the right decision.
    I think you didnt see me there, at the door of my office. The gallery was almost in the dark, just the entrance lights were on. I closed my eyes, praying, and then I heard the door opening. I opened my eyes and saw you walking to me.

    Hey, I said. That was all my mind was able to come up with. I was speechless, so nervous.
    You didnt smile, you walked all the way towards me, quiet, looking me in the eyes. You stopped the moment you were at my side. You took a few more seconds and then said,

    Could I talk with you for a moment, Bette?

    You saying my name was like listening to the most beautiful song. It was corny, it was silly. It was so perfect. It was the first time I heard you saying it. It sounded so right on your lips. I could not think it was me.

    I nodded, afraid to talk. I moved and let you enter my office, opening the door for you.
    You came inside, didnt bother to turn the lights on, I didnt either, just when I was behind my desk I did realized that we were in the dark. I turned my table light on. It wasnt bright, it was light and soft, like your hair I remember.

    You looked at me, quiet, nervous Id tell. I was getting even more nervous, afraid to speak or even to move. You looked so beautiful!. Mg all I wanted was to hug you, to kiss you but just holding your hand could have been enough.

    You looked at the floor and taking one of my pencils from the desk started playing with it, you were holding the pencil like a lifejacket. You were so focus on that pencil that I had to smile, it was getting ridiculous and that gave me the courage to speak but as I was opening my mouth you whispered.

    Could you come here, by my side, for a moment , please?

    Before you said please I was already at your side, shaking.

    You looked at me and leaned on the desk. I moved in front of you, we were close, but not touching. You looked at the pencil in your hand and left it back on the table. I was looking at you, could not move my eyes from your sweet face.
    I was drowning feeling you so close but was unable to even think about moving. It felt so well having you so close. Id feel the warm from your body. You were looking back at the floor, like our shoes were the most amazing thing I the world. Then, very slowly you looked up and place your eyes on mine. I gasped, was so intense T.

    I rose my hand, needed to touch you somehow but as I was doing it you place yours on my hip. I remembered I was wearing that low cut slacks you like that much, and a white shirt that I remember didnt have one button. I didnt know it then, but from where you were seated, leaning on the table, yousee my tummy. I was lost in your eyes so I didnt see how you moved your hand and with the softest finger you touched my stomach. I almost faint, it burnt. I looked at your hand on my slacks, you were hanging there, you just left your hand there and started caressing my stomach with your finger.
    It wasnt erotic it was so sweet, so *****. I was lost in your touch, was trying to find something to say you. But then, again, while looking at my stomach you whispered.

    Ive been thinking about it. I cant eat or sleep. I dont know what you want or if you want anything. I dont know you, but the moment you held my hand the night of the opening I fall in love with you

    I was felling tears running down my face, wanted to say something but it was all too much. I was speechless, dying for you to look at me. But you just continued whispering.

    Ive never been with a woman before. All I know is that today I was dying and needed to see you, to tell you, to touch you. Needed for you to know that I am here, that I no longer have a boyfriend and that I love you

    You finally looked me in the eyes and moved. You kept your hand on my slacks, touching my tummy, you were not moving your finger anymore, it was just there, resting. You moved closer, I could not move, I was too moved to. You moved your head close to mine and leaning, whispered on my ear.

    Im yours, if you want me

    My God Baby! That was the most romantic, erotic and ***** thing that anyone has done for me.

    I remember I reacted like a fool. Was so moved y all you said that all Id do was to start sobbing. I was lost and I knew it. I knew that I was totally in love with you. And then you hold me while I cried. I let myself cried all the fears I had and when I finally stopped, still in your arms you moved away, looked at me and without saying a word, you kissed me. It was the sweetest kiss T.

    Thinking about that day gives me courage, and gives me hope.
    I will be here, waiting.
    Ive done it before, I can do it again.
    I will pray for you to choose the path that will put you back in my life, back on that glass door at my old gallery. I will see you from the distance, waiting.


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