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And Yet
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“She loves me and she’s encouraged me to be more than I was,” Bette continued quietly. “To view myself and want to be different because it mattered to her.”
Although some thoughts contradicted welcoming more of the disclosure Tina prompted, “I see.”
She conveyed more with what seemed to be a simple remark. There was an eagerness to really see Bette and accept her completely. An outlook that had been missing during the latter period of their union.
“I’ve learned from my mistakes. I don’t want to hurt her in the way I messed up with you.”
Tina tapped her index finger on her left thigh. What else could she say? Where did this leave them? She was just about to speak when Bette offered two words that meant so much.
“And yet…”
Tina whispered her encouragement. “What?”
“It’s almost impossible for me to think about you moving on. I’m excited for you and interested to hear about your… possibilities.” Bette reached to touch Tina’s cheek lightly. If the blonde didn’t see her hand move closer she would have doubted that it happened.
And yet…
Her eyes shut. She envisioned Tina with the heart surgeon. With someone – anyone. The outline of the person who could be her ex-girlfriend’s future was visible to her mind’s eye and it hurt. Bette wanted to burn the image away because it wasn’t anything like she hoped for Tina. For them. For herself.
“But when I picture you with anyone…”
Bette blinked slowly and retreated her voice to a mere whisper that made the rest of her admission even more poignant, “…with anyone but me it makes me so sad.”
So sad it made her insides ache with little reprieve.
The brunette inched away from Tina. Reaching up and around she grasped her upper arms with clammy hands. They looked at each other with a gaze that longed for simpler times.
She clarified after a few minutes of silence and a handful of heavy breaths between them, “Not because I don’t want you to be with anyone. I do. I want you to share yourself with someone. You have so much to give. So much love to …”
“Bette,” Tina stopped her. She touched her knee. With the very fingers that tapped on her own thigh earlier she stroked the material of the university Dean’s slacks.
How were they going to tell their hearts that they had to let go?
“What are we going to do?”
Bette admitted without shame, "I don’t know T."
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Well done. Poignant interpretation. Thanks for writing.
‘I found Bette’s noise complaint hilarious.’… Me too. ;-)
Well, at least they both know that it is hard for them to watch each other move on. Bette seems to struggle with this concept even more than Tina. Tina has sat and watched Bette play house with jodi and yet Bette is freaking out when Tina goes out and plays house with the heart doctor. Maybe Bette and Tina should be playing house with each other and living under the same roof with Angelica.
lwordid, there is never the case of ‘one line too many’ with your writing. if anything, this reader clings on to EVERY word of every line of your writing. love your writing, as usual. thanks for the post.
Mostly hearts do not give up, people do but not their heart
I do believe this is where IC is taking us/them.. So sad
What a wonderful beginning, full of hope, yet full of sadness. When I read this, “She loves me and she’s encouraged me to be more than I was,” Bette continued quietly. “To view myself and want to be different because it mattered to her.” My first thought was that I would hope Bette wanted to be more…to do things differently because it mattered to her, not to Jodie. Again, wonderful start…thanks!
As Starburst just said, this reader also clings on to every word of every line of your writing. Thanks for writing this, and I hope to read more from you soon.
wonderful insights, though i don’t see how jodi is the one who makes bette better…i think bette wants to think that