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Ashes, ashes… Chapter 18
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But when Tina told her that she’d seen Bette, it was as if an electric shock ran through Helena’s soul, sending a cold jolt of panic to every cell in her body. And there was something more, too. Jealousy. Her reaction had shamed and startled Helena, and she pushed it down immediately so that Tina wouldn’t notice. But now, as she rested inches away from the other woman, she couldn’t deny her true feelings.
"Oh, Darling. I’m afraid I’ve not been able to remain quite as objective about you as I thought I could," Helena whispered, staring at Tina in the darkness.
–
The next morning, Helena left early for work, arriving well before the rest of her staff. She sat behind her desk for 15 minutes, staring at her phone while her take-out coffee got cold, trying to decide what to do. Finally, she picked the receiver and pressed in the numbers.
"Hello," Ronnie answered, slightly out of breath.
"Did I catch you at a bad time? Helena asked.
"No-I just hopped off of the stairmaster. Are you in the office already?"
"Yes. I’m bucking for a promotion."
"Well good luck. I understand your boss is a hard ass," Ronnie said.
"You understand correctly," Helena said, her false gaiety sounding tinny.
There was a moment of silence between them before Ronnie spoke again.
"Helena," she said gently. "Why don’t you tell me what’s going on? It’s much more efficient than having me guess."
Helena bit her lip and swallowed hard. "Promise me you won’t say ‘I told you so.’"
"You’re in love with her, aren’t you?" Ronnie asked, not even a trace of judgment or surprise in her voice.
"Can you blame me?"
"Only for your own hubris. Or perhaps naivete. Does she know?"
"God no. I don’t want to make her life more complicated than it already is."
"Will you tell her?"
Helena rubbed her eyes. "What’s the point?"
"Honesty. Integrity. Trifling little details like that."
"She needs me Ronnie. And if I insert my own feelings into this, she may be reluctant to lean on me," Helena rationalized.
"Tina’s not a child. You don’t need to protect her from everything," Ronnie countered.
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Wow. I’m not even rooting for Helena/Tina or Bette/Tina. You write them so well, I just like to sit back and enjoy the ride.
I’m a TiBetter at heart but I realize that Helena has really been a pillar to Tina. Helena needs to be honest with Tina, as Ronnie said. Tina deserves that much and she has to make that decision for herself. Helena can’t decide for her. Deep down, Helena knows that Tina loves Bette and hence her telling her mother about Angelica’s death. She realizes that Tina and Bette needs to work it out to move forward, be it together or for closure. Love your story, ffc. Thanks.
still reading. even with all the pain. glad to see some healing. now if only with bette joinging the bandwagon of getting some help will be great. excellent as always.
As I round the curve of page two, I always ease up on the scroll mouse, trying to extend the pleasure of reading your stories. Helena is so sympathetic in this story – how is that so? By your wonderful writing! Thanks!
Aw, poor Helena. (wow, never thought I’d think that!) ;) Hopefully she’ll tell Tina and they’ll work through it like adults…and maybe Bette will follow suit.
T&H not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B&T 4 ever
Good chapter. I just catch up and agree with dixirella and hope Bette and Tina will meet and have a talk soon. Ok post soon please, thanks!
Okay, the first step is to admit you have a problem…. I have a problem with Helena, and I hate that you are making it hard for me to hate her. I have, at points, hated you for this story!Thanks for being such a consistent and excellent voice on this site. You are one of the reasons I continue to return again and again!
Do you like Helena.or just a fan of the underdog. Love Tina and Bette but I would just like to see the two of them happy.if with each other or apart then so be it. Just take care of them. thanks
really wonderful chapter. Best therapist/friend scene I’ve seen written anywhere. Ronnie’s wisdom is a gift to her friend – however although she betrayed no confidence I think she’s in a very difficult position being close friends and confidents with a patient’s “roommate” – tough line to walk for any therapist. I also think you have brought out the potential in Helena’s character – now what will Tina say???
Oh boy, Helena is in love… lol But please don’t let Tina fall in love with her??? please? She needs Bette, and Bette needs Tina, even though they haven’t realized it yet. okay, great chaptera s always, please post soon
are you a Helena fan??..lol..please dont breing Helena to this..B&T dont need one more problem..they need to resolve what they already have..please and if that woman talked with Bette she maybe already knows Bette loves Tina and vice versa..cant wait for more thanks :o)
For the record, I’ve always believed in Helena. Especially after she prepared Tina dinner on the show last season. I love how you’ve expanded the character, rather consistent with the sensibilities of that scene.
I’m curious why Helena did not tell Ronnie that these sudden heart-tugging feelings were based on the fact that she saw Bette. Perhaps when they share that steak dinner, Helena can discuss her jealousy, which of course is natural. I think that Tina deserves to talk to Bette, but after everything that happened, but most specifically, walking out after Angelica’s death, there is no way Tina would ever trust her again.
Oh please ,oh please don’t let Helena put herself into Tina’s life again. Tina needs only one woman and she knows that now. I knew thqt Helena could not keep hands off Tina. Next time Tina is at her appointment Bette and Tina need to run into each other and start talking. Helena needs to keep herself platonic in this story and not involve herself in Tina’s life any more that she has. She has done Tina and Bette a great service and favor by getting Tina wanting to live again but please let that be all she does. Thanks for the post. Happy New Year.
I love the way you wrote this conversation. Well done!
Every chapter of this story is so perfect and so beautifully written. I see a new post and it lights up my day.Thank you.
What a joy to read! Glad to see that you’re posting once again.
oh crap…as much as i like helena in this story i don’t want to see tina falling in love with her…and if helena will share her feelings with tina, and tina thinks that her and bette are over, she might go for another chance with helena…but it would be just wrong, because B&T have connection that can’t be broken…let B&T to meet and start over and figure out how to be with each other again…thanks for the story, your writing is amazing
OK, you’ve convnced me. Helena’s not a monster. In fact you’ve given her humanity and depth.
Woooooo, things are getting really interesting. Go Helena, go! *g* What a lovely start to the new year, thanks ffc.
How’s that screenplay coming…hint, hint? I hope you know that your dialogue is the best on this site, period! It is nice to see this selfless, loving, vulnerable side of Helena. She has been a wonderful friend to Tina, who was able to give Tina emotional support when others couldn’t, simply because of their closeness to both B&T. However, I will try to remind myself that just because Helena is in love with Tina, and just because she is a nice person in this story, doesn’t mean that she is the one for Tina to be in love with. Thank you for this lovely story.
Well, you’ve actually made it to where I feel sorry for Helena and I have never liked her. But, I still would like to see B/T together. Great chapter. Looking forward to more.
Helena is everything Bette isn’t in this story right now, refreshing very refreshing and this says alot coming from me. Cause I am the ultimate Bette fan although this means that I am also all to aware of her many shortcomings as Tina’s partner both in this story and in the show. I agree with crushme I’ll just sit back and enjoy cause your writing is spot on.