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Ashes, ashes… Chapter 18
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"I’m not trying to protect her from everything. I’m merely trying to avoid overwhelming her during a particularly horrid time in her life."
Ronnie was silent, and Helena could envision her friend pinching the bridge of her nose as she considered. When the therapist spoke again, her tone was loving, but firm. "I want you to take some time to think about your motivations."
"What are you talking about?" Helena asked impatiently.
"Is Tina the one you’re trying to protect, or is it you?"
"Me? What could I possibly be trying to protect myself from?"
"Rejection. The two of you have this delightful domestic arrangement worked out that’s mutually beneficial. You’re helping a dear friend recover from a tragic loss, while spending time with the woman you’ve never stopped being in love with," Ronnie said quietly. "Telling her how you feel might put that at risk."
"That’s nonsense. I didn’t seek out this situation. I wasn’t looking for ways to-" Helena sputtered, irritated.
"Hel. I never said you sought out anything. I’m not accusing you. I’m only asking you to think about your motivations."
Helena paused for several moments, allowing her defensiveness to dissipate. "Bloody hell. I’ve made a mess of things," she sighed.
"No you haven’t. You’ve been an anchor for Tina. You’ve been selfless and compassionate and generous. And completely unrealistic about your own feelings and needs. Which is fairly typical of you, don’t you think?"
Helena could hear the smile in Ronnie’s voice, and a weary smile tugged at her own lips, as well. "Now what, doctor?"
"Well, I’m not in the business of giving advice. That’s what psychics are for. But as your friend, I would strongly suggest that you keep your relationship with Tina completely open and honest. She’s a strong woman who’s been through a lot. One candid conversation is not going to throw her into a tailspin."
"You’re quite good at this. Perhaps I should keep you on retainer."
"Regretfully, you can’t afford me. However, I would be willing to work out some sort of trade involving a very thick steak."
"Red meat. The way to a woman’s heart."
"This woman, anyway. Are you going to be all right?"
"Aren’t I always?" Helena asked, taking a bracing sip of her cold coffee.
"No. You’re not. And you’d do well to admit it every once in a while. If only to yourself."
Helena blinked back the sudden sting of tears that her friend’s insight brought to her eyes. Ronnie truly understood her, and it was a gift that never ceased to amaze Helena, even after all these years.
"Thank you, Darling," Helena managed. "I’ll keep you apprised."
"Please do. And don’t forget about that steak."
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Wow. I’m not even rooting for Helena/Tina or Bette/Tina. You write them so well, I just like to sit back and enjoy the ride.
I’m a TiBetter at heart but I realize that Helena has really been a pillar to Tina. Helena needs to be honest with Tina, as Ronnie said. Tina deserves that much and she has to make that decision for herself. Helena can’t decide for her. Deep down, Helena knows that Tina loves Bette and hence her telling her mother about Angelica’s death. She realizes that Tina and Bette needs to work it out to move forward, be it together or for closure. Love your story, ffc. Thanks.
still reading. even with all the pain. glad to see some healing. now if only with bette joinging the bandwagon of getting some help will be great. excellent as always.
As I round the curve of page two, I always ease up on the scroll mouse, trying to extend the pleasure of reading your stories. Helena is so sympathetic in this story – how is that so? By your wonderful writing! Thanks!
Aw, poor Helena. (wow, never thought I’d think that!) ;) Hopefully she’ll tell Tina and they’ll work through it like adults…and maybe Bette will follow suit.
T&H not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B&T 4 ever
Good chapter. I just catch up and agree with dixirella and hope Bette and Tina will meet and have a talk soon. Ok post soon please, thanks!
Okay, the first step is to admit you have a problem…. I have a problem with Helena, and I hate that you are making it hard for me to hate her. I have, at points, hated you for this story!Thanks for being such a consistent and excellent voice on this site. You are one of the reasons I continue to return again and again!
Do you like Helena.or just a fan of the underdog. Love Tina and Bette but I would just like to see the two of them happy.if with each other or apart then so be it. Just take care of them. thanks
really wonderful chapter. Best therapist/friend scene I’ve seen written anywhere. Ronnie’s wisdom is a gift to her friend – however although she betrayed no confidence I think she’s in a very difficult position being close friends and confidents with a patient’s “roommate” – tough line to walk for any therapist. I also think you have brought out the potential in Helena’s character – now what will Tina say???
Oh boy, Helena is in love… lol But please don’t let Tina fall in love with her??? please? She needs Bette, and Bette needs Tina, even though they haven’t realized it yet. okay, great chaptera s always, please post soon
are you a Helena fan??..lol..please dont breing Helena to this..B&T dont need one more problem..they need to resolve what they already have..please and if that woman talked with Bette she maybe already knows Bette loves Tina and vice versa..cant wait for more thanks :o)
For the record, I’ve always believed in Helena. Especially after she prepared Tina dinner on the show last season. I love how you’ve expanded the character, rather consistent with the sensibilities of that scene.
I’m curious why Helena did not tell Ronnie that these sudden heart-tugging feelings were based on the fact that she saw Bette. Perhaps when they share that steak dinner, Helena can discuss her jealousy, which of course is natural. I think that Tina deserves to talk to Bette, but after everything that happened, but most specifically, walking out after Angelica’s death, there is no way Tina would ever trust her again.
Oh please ,oh please don’t let Helena put herself into Tina’s life again. Tina needs only one woman and she knows that now. I knew thqt Helena could not keep hands off Tina. Next time Tina is at her appointment Bette and Tina need to run into each other and start talking. Helena needs to keep herself platonic in this story and not involve herself in Tina’s life any more that she has. She has done Tina and Bette a great service and favor by getting Tina wanting to live again but please let that be all she does. Thanks for the post. Happy New Year.
I love the way you wrote this conversation. Well done!
Every chapter of this story is so perfect and so beautifully written. I see a new post and it lights up my day.Thank you.
What a joy to read! Glad to see that you’re posting once again.
oh crap…as much as i like helena in this story i don’t want to see tina falling in love with her…and if helena will share her feelings with tina, and tina thinks that her and bette are over, she might go for another chance with helena…but it would be just wrong, because B&T have connection that can’t be broken…let B&T to meet and start over and figure out how to be with each other again…thanks for the story, your writing is amazing
OK, you’ve convnced me. Helena’s not a monster. In fact you’ve given her humanity and depth.
Woooooo, things are getting really interesting. Go Helena, go! *g* What a lovely start to the new year, thanks ffc.
How’s that screenplay coming…hint, hint? I hope you know that your dialogue is the best on this site, period! It is nice to see this selfless, loving, vulnerable side of Helena. She has been a wonderful friend to Tina, who was able to give Tina emotional support when others couldn’t, simply because of their closeness to both B&T. However, I will try to remind myself that just because Helena is in love with Tina, and just because she is a nice person in this story, doesn’t mean that she is the one for Tina to be in love with. Thank you for this lovely story.
Well, you’ve actually made it to where I feel sorry for Helena and I have never liked her. But, I still would like to see B/T together. Great chapter. Looking forward to more.
Helena is everything Bette isn’t in this story right now, refreshing very refreshing and this says alot coming from me. Cause I am the ultimate Bette fan although this means that I am also all to aware of her many shortcomings as Tina’s partner both in this story and in the show. I agree with crushme I’ll just sit back and enjoy cause your writing is spot on.