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Ashes, ashes… Chapter 21
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“You guess?” Kate asked quizzically.
“I was still new at the CAC. I was trying to schedule shows, hire staff, work with a sometimes contentious board. It took a lot of time and energy.”
“So your focus at that time wasn’t necessarily on your home life.”
“No. I mean, I know that Tina was frustrated that she wasn’t getting pregnant. And there were times when she was starting to get a little insecure and clingy, which wasn’t like her at all. But then she got pregnant and was focused on that.”
“How far along into her pregnancy was she when she miscarried?”
“Twelve weeks,” Bette said, clearing her throat.
“And after she lost the baby, describe her response?”
“She was…completely devastated. She could barely get out of bed in the morning.” Bette said.
“And how about you? What did you do?”
“Provocations was opening at the CAC. And it was a media circus. We had religious groups protesting the museum, funders threatening to pull their sponsorships, board members resigning. It was…living hell.”
“And it was during that time that you had the affair, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“You told me that when Angelica died, you completely shut down. You described your state of mind as…automatic pilot. And you said that you threw yourself into two intensive consulting projects that you were working on.”
“One in
“How was Tina during that period?”
Bette exhaled slowly and rubbed her temples, pained to even have to think back to the horrible aftermath of their daughter’s death.
“She… Tina was very emotional. And she wanted to talk about it all the time. Which I couldn’t do. It felt like too much,” Bette said, lowering her gaze. “It was too hard to be there. With her. Working felt like a relief to me. I could focus on something other than how sad we were and how much I missed Angelica.”
Kate Hammond nodded, considering. “Bette. One of the purposes of therapy, no matter why you decide to enter into that process, is to identify patterns. The idea is that once you can see certain patterns of behavior, you can make better informed, more conscious decisions about how you act and react.”
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There, there, Bette, self-recognition can be hard sometimes. Call her again, and be humble.Nicely written, FFC.
Beautiful story. Thank you so much!
Great comment by the therapist about how Bette pulls away when Tina is most vulnerable – from Bette’s response I don’t think she gets it – could you help her really get it so she can tell Tina and mean it. Thanks your story is difficult emotionally but wonderful.
your killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FFC, you rock, thanks for the great chapter!
Be still my beating heart!!! Update again really soon pls?
Tina will call Bette now that she knows that Bette is still in town,and has not moved yet. Tina is to kind hearted tonot do so. If by some chance they have children it will be bette now to do so. thanks
Very thoughtful chapter. Good stuff.
you cannot be serious…please,please, give us break…
ive never been killed so pleasantly with words before. thanks.
I hope Bette wakes up and heed the psychiatrist’s advise. I would love for Tina to give Bette a call but Bette had better call Tina again or go to see her if Tina doesn’t call her back. She just can’t sit there and wait for Tina to call her back. If she really has changed and wants to apologize, she’d better prove that to Tina. Afterall, Bette was the one who was pulling away everty time when Tina needed her the most and she was the one who didn’t want any contact after they separated. Great stuff, FFC.
I’m not so sure anymore…
Me too I still wish/hope that Tina will call back Bette… Will she, right?! By the way wonderful chapter(as always)!
i think Bette is the one to go after Tina…she need to want to and she need to prove to Tina she changed and that change is for good not just until another dificult time..great..sad but great thanks :o)
Tina will call Bette because she is forgiving and compassionate. However, how many times does Bette have to hurt Tina before Tina says enough?I sound like a broken record, but this is another fantastic chapter. Thank you ffc.
If Bette really wants to talk she’ll do what she has to. Tina won’t call? Call again. Go to her apt. Don’t know where it is? Follow Alice or Shane. Write letters, DAMMIT do something! Take action! Nothing worthwhile in this life comes easy, trust me I know! So if after all this, Tina still doesn’t want to chat, she’ll know that she tried and tried. In this life, there’s NO room for ‘what ifs’ and ‘regrets’.
Oh you made me cry with Bette’s “I wish she would call me.” Beautiful story. Please don’t stop.
What a mess! I love/hate this story. keep writing please. Bette needs to show Tina that she really has changed. Its going to take a lot to convince Tina that she has!
Bette is learning, but is it too late? I’m glad she stayed in town. Maybe she’ll get what she wants, maybe she shouldn’t get what she wants. Thanks for another great chapter.
Another wonderful chapter I hope that they get a chance to talk
Great chapter…I still(don’t shoot)don’t believe they should reunite just have closure. Please continue!!!
Holy shades of Marie Brandt and Pikagirl! The competent therapist and the approaching possibility that their love may be over and Tina may move on. …I’ve TOLD all y’all that this author is THE Fanficchick. She encompasses all the other authors. FFC: Go to Vancouver. Stop. Fix the show. Stop. JB & company will be forever grateful and so will we. Thanks!
Wah! This is sad for Bette and stuff…even if she wasn’t being all that supportive. I just don’t want HellIna.
Bette needs to find Tina and talk to her..Great chapter..
Great chapter. Looking forward to the next one.
i’m so amazed at your writing and dialogues, that’s why i keep reading this story even if it breaks my heart…i hope tina will call, she has to…or you’ll be off my list of faithful TiBetters LOL
Damn this is sad and hope Tina will call Bette back!
gasp! harsh but realistic words from the shrink. a good call, i think.
can’t let helena win this time either–let them talk it will help them both no matter what out come you choose next good story just kind of sad
I never want to tell authors what to do, but I agree that if Bette is serious she should do more than leave simpering phone messages. Not that she should become Tina’s stalker, mind you.
damn the truth hurts…but i know tina will call
I don’t think that it will ever be really too late for these two. But as its always been their problem, talking would be good here. Part of the old Bette needs to kick in, go after your girl, try and get her to see that you’ve changed, not everything, but that your working on it. That you’ve decided to not leave, your not going to runaway anymore. Love this story, but OMG its draining.